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autism and feeling like dying

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i have autism. im living with my girlfriend of several years. every time i get upset, no one helps me. i read online it says to reach out to friends. i try and get ignored. if i get frustrated at school i am mocked. i get sad at home and i cry alone.

i dont know how to help myself. all i can do is cry until i cant anymore, then bottle my emotions up for the next meltdown. i wish i could just curl up and die.

how do i help myself? how do i live a fulfilling life when i can barely function?

edit: i see this needs to be approved by a mod. i didnt realize the advice forum was so heavily moderated. its fine just delete this post

Edited by Ghost13
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I don't think I've seen someone so succinctly describe the stuff that I go through. I wish I had the answers for you, but at least I get what you're going through. When I lose it, most of my friends tend to blow it off as being overdramatic and I'm left to suffer alone. It sucks and most days I just wish it would end so I can just break the cycle of sadness.

But all I can really do is try to focus on getting to the next day. I think the first thing to do is cast aside any preconceptions of what you might consider to be a "fulfilling" life, because when that expectation isn't met, you're going to find yourself getting frustrated with life. Just... focus on what comes next, because that's really the best anyone can do.

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I also have autism and when I was in school I used to go though this same thing more or less. One of the best ways I have found that helps is to have some way to vent your emotions and relax your mind. For me it's playing video games that helps me cool down and relax. For you it could be anything from reading a book to having a shower. It's different for everyone but once you find what it is, it will help a lot.

Another good thing like OmoCommando said is to take life one step at a time. Instead of focusing super hard on your long term goals, focus more on the here and now. Instead of focusing on bad things that happen, hold on to the little things that make you happy.

I hope that helps.

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I'm not sure if it's much help in the instant that you're actually crying, since it can take a varying amount of time for people to respond, but I'm sure there's people on this site who'll be happy to be here for you if you need a bit of support from like-minded people (Omo-minded at the very least)... I have a few friends on the spectrum (I'm somewhere on there myself, but more the high-functioning aspergers side so not quite the same), and I don't see why other people seem to find it so hard to take people's concerns and pressures seriously (I mean it's not like you'd make up being that upset right?).

If you ever need someone to vent at you're free to use me for that (PM or whatever) - I can't promise to respond fast enough every time but might help to just write out what you're feeling and why to someone (even if you delete before sending), and I promise not to dismiss it offhand or judge or anything, I know that everyone experiences life differently and a lot of things that really get to me make no sense to anyone else so it's easy to see that others' problems might not make sense to me but in no way does that make them any less real...

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Ghost, you have my fullest sympathy. (Should you want it.) I don't have autism. I don't even know if I have depression. But I am going through something quite similar. Although perhaps not as strongly. 

For whatever reason, for years I have been unable to cry when in a sad situation. Maybe it is because I have been in so many, but when I am in a stressful situation, I cry easily. But when I am sad, I don't cry so people think I'm okay. I dress differently, so people think it's okay to take those things that make me different and play with them. People make fun of me because I accidentally left my computer open for five minutes and they go through all my files and misread something then ask me about it. They see the Fairy Tail background on my computer and ask "How's the hentai?" In case you didn't know, Fairy Tail is an anime and in western culture all anime is hentai simply because of fan-service. 

Sorry about the rant. But Ghost, I understand what you are going through. I don't have a solution, but I can tell you this. Find something you really enjoy and whenever you feel down, comfort yourself with that thing. Like a tv series. But know that you are not alone. Others suffer under the same burden. 

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Ghost, I have Asperger's and I've been in a similar place. Basically, there are two possibilities.

1) You've reached rock bottom- it can only get better!

2) It could be worse!

I know these aren't the most comforting words. They probably sound patronising and insincere. But reaching out is the first step, y'know? At least you're aware of your emotions, and that's a surefire sign that you want to improve your life, and believe me, it's  going to get better.

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