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Part 1

Zoe was excited and nervous for her first day of college. Being home schooled she had never learned how to fully interact with kids her own age, so college at the time seemed like a fantasy. "You got this, you got this, you got this" she said to herself. Wearing some red leggings and a black hoodie, she had dressed for the purpose of blending in, plus dressing for comfort was not something school she would ever give up. As she sat at the desk she noticed the other students were much older than her. The clock struck 12 and the professor walked in with a confused look on his face. "Excuse me, what is your name?" The whole class stared at Zoe and her anxiety began to take shape. "Zoe sir, I mean Zoe. I'm new, I mean I am a freshmen." The professor walked up to Zoe angrily.

"Zoe, you have the wrong class, this is for juniors. You have wasted our time, and you are now late to your own class. Get out!" The professor smacked her desk which made Zoe jump with fear. Running out of the class she began to have a panic attack. "No, no, no. Dammit I can't breathe." Zoe shut the door with a slam and began to breathe heavily with tears in her eyes. "I should skip today I don't think I can take coming in late, but this is all wrong. Stupid, stupid Zoe!"

Having sat on the bench for about 15 minutes Zoe noticed something on the bulletin board. 

Quote

Free hypnosis Therapy

Local student is looking for subject to practice hypnosis on. Will help try to cure mental disorders, laziness, or what ever you may need. Please call 508-xxx-xxxx

Zoe quickly reached for her cellphone and began to call. "Hi excuse me, is his the free hypnosis therapy number?" "Oh, wonderful! Hold on a second let me put something down. I'm so glad you called I didn't think I would have any takers." Zoe explained her situation, her anxiety and what she was hoping to accomplish. "This is perfect, come on by, my apartment is right next to the science building. I'm number 302, I can't wait to get started. My name is Roland, I'm very much looking forward to meeting you."

She had made it to Roland's apartment, a simple apartment with children's toys scattered about. Roland quick speaks "please forgive the mess. My daughter is a bit of a handful and we weren't originally expecting company." "It's alright, I'm just glad you are seeing it such short notice. How old is she?" "Chloe will be 4 in about a week now. She's taking a nap right now in the back. Would you like to get started, please lay down on the table." She slowly climbed up on the table and laid her head on the pillow. The table was a normal dinner table with a sheet over it but Zoe was small enough that it wasn't a problem. Roland closed the window covers and dimmed the lights. He began to light a candle that was placed next to her head. Roland began to speak "I want you to take 3 deep breaths, and as you exhale I want you to think about falling into total relaxation, right now just breathe." Roland had begun a musical tape that put her deeper into the hypnosis. She took the first breathe and a wave of relaxation hit her. She took a second breathe and she could feel herself drifting into another world. By the third breathe she was completely taken into the hypnosis.

Roland began to speak "From here on out every word I say to you is absolute truth. I want you to repeat them word by word as I say them. And when ever you hear the word "trigger" or say the word "trigger" you will physically and mentally prepare yourself to what I'm about to tell you. Is that understood." Zoe immediately responds in her deep state "I understand." "You will not let anxiety take over your life." Zoe repeats "I will not let anxiety take over my life." "You choose to feel comfortable around others." "I choose to feel comfortable around others." "You love myself, and you will forgive your mistakes." "I love myself and I will forgive my mistakes." "I...." Roland stops and hears his daughter crying. He rushes to his daughters bedroom while Zoe remains in the hypnotic state.

"It's okay to wet your bed" Roland tells his daughter. Zoe responds "It's okay to wet my bed." "Accidents happen to everyone, it's alright" "Accidents happen to everyone it's alright." Roland hugs his daughter "Peeing yourself happens, it's what you do." Zoe begins to relax her bladder. "Peeing myself happens, it's what I do". Zoe begins to relax her bladder, as minor drops begin to come into her underwear. The warmth feels so good to her even in this state, she begins to relax even more. Slowly a small stream begins to spread the warm pee into her underwear. A small dot appears on her red leggings as the pee begins to fill, and slowly but surely the pee the stream becomes a flood. She begins to overflow with pee, coming down her pants onto the table and the back of her hoodie. The power of her pee spread through the legs and create a large puddle under her, that begins to drip onto the floor. Roland laughs with his daughter "Your always be daddy's little bed-wetter and he'll always love you for it". Zoe repeats "I'll always be daddy's little bed-wetter and he'll always love me for it."

 

 

I plan to continue to update this, I have alot of places I can take it. Extra thanks to HypnoMangaEditor for Manga Manips and A Taste of Her Own Medicine as they inspired me to make this. Keep me updated if you guys like what I got so far. Thank you.

Edited by Metal Gear (see edit history)
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Hypnosis stories have certainly been done before, but with careful planning this could still be something special. Before I give you criticism, please keep in mind that if I didn't like it or think it had potential I wouldn't have bothered to respond. There are a lot of things I like in play here, but the attention and thought you've given to them just aren't quite there yet.

The most simple advice I can give is to write longer chapters from now on. It feels like you found a good place to end this chapter in terms of having a cliffhanger (or what might be called the inciting incident), but you didn't take enough time exploring what happened up until that point.

So far the main thing I can really say is that your pacing is way too fast. Believe me, I understand the urge to get to the smut right away but establishing your lead as a realistic and believable person is more important. There are a lot of threads that you just start and then drop right away.

You say that she immediately noticed the other students in the classroom were significantly older than her. Why didn't this set off any alarm bells? Perhaps due to homeschooling she entered college early? If so, how does she feel about that?

Calling the actions of the professor and Zoë's subsequent reaction unrealistic would be generous. In real life having people show up to the wrong room on the first day of class is very common and definitely not something that would actually merit being pissed off. Nothing of any consequence is ever done on the first day outside of giving a syllabus. And even if the professor was legitimately ticked off, anything outwardly aggressive like smacking her desk is a great way to get fired. Maybe this is her extremely dramatized recollection of events?

I can see you're trying to establish this anxiety problem as a big aspect of her character, but you need to lean into it harder. If I were you I probably would've devoted an entire paragraph to detailing what her anxiety feels like. Her knees are trembling. Her face is flushed. Her palms are sweating. And so on. Maybe her anxiety is a reason she wasn't in mainstream school? Maybe her family sought professional help for her? Either way, establishing the severity of this anxiety disorder is important for establishing her motivation.

So naturally it follows: why was she so willing to contact Roland in the first place? Has she ever had hypnotherapy before? It's far from something I would call normal in almost any college campus; it's definitely a fringe discipline.

And finally, there is the collosal issue of the hypnosis scene itself. Obviously the sort of hypnotism depicted in fiction can never be totally  accurate... but we can try. Unfortunately, what might be the biggest problem with the scene also happens to be what the entire premise of the story stands upon. No hypnotherapist would have his or her sessions while they had to look after a child. And even if they were interrupted by the child, ending the session would not be difficult. Most hypnotherapists use a markedly different voice for sessions than for normal speech, although perhaps consoling a child might call for a similar tone. Unfortunately, I don't think these issues could be changed without fundamentally changing the premise. So on to things that could possibly be addressed without immense changes.

For one thing, the trope of quickly falling into a deep trance is complete bullshit. Hypnotic induction practices can vary but it is never an easy task. One common induction technique focuses on gradually relaxing different parts of the body in sequence. Even when the induction has completed the subject is still usually semi-conscious. Some people remember everything done in trance and some people remember very little.

But even more than induction technique, there are two fundamental truths of real hypnotherapy you may want to address. First, repetition is a big thing. Just like in any other pursuit, results will not come overnight. Second, in order for the script to have any real hope of success, the goal has to be one the subject wants on some level. Now here's the part where you can fudge it a bit and still have a tight narrative. As long as the goal is something desired, the means of accomplishing it can sort of be anything so long as the subconscious believes it will help with the goal. So far it seems like Zoë's goal is to be free of her anxiety, or, more broadly, "to relax". Based on what you've written it is apparent that wetting herself did help her relax. I think that this explanation is the one you should use for why her subconscious was willing to obey.

There are a couple of grammar errors in this chapter as well, but that is a very minor issue. I could always tell what you were meaning to say. Just keep in mind, proofreading is a magical thing.

As you mentioned, there are many places this situation could go to. Right now the next important thing is how Roland reacts when he sees what happened and of course what Zoë does when he brings her out.

Just please keep writing and I promise I will read it all and do whatever I can to help out.

Edited by juntaglom (see edit history)
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