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"Vigorous hatefucking", eh? Of the butt-slapping, hair-pulling, neck-biting, cervix-bruising, pelvis-shattering variety, I presume? I think I know a couple like that. 

If you're looking for nitpicking: The exact nature of Emma's challenge is not clear, the solution seems arbitrary. None of the individual steps were random, but what she ended up with is missing context.

I assume that the next game will involve either Emma or Cece as a soldier of fortune, or something like that. But at this point, all we have is a young Ginger who was forced to assemble a military style camo outfit, complete with combat boots and main battle rifle. Appropros of absolutely fucking nothing.

As hot as this chapter was (and seriously, if I develop carpal tunnel syndrome because of your epic, I'm sending you my medical bills), part of me goes  "Huh? I don't get it?"

Maybe that's supposed to be extra engaging and get the audience interested in the next chapter, but... we don't HAVE a next chapter yet, now do we?

Edited by randomkath (see edit history)
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Megan smiled into her webcam, her left arm held over her naked breasts and her right hand covering her vagina. Countless messages flooded the chatbox on her page. “put the arm down bby” “sho

The Final Part- ***** Emma moaned and gasped as the two women continued to drag her. Every few seconds, another tiny spurt of wee filled her panties before it soaked into her fatigues. She d

Here we go, everyone. This is a very, very long one. When I finished writing it, I tried to see if there was a way to split it into two parts, but there really isn't. I'll try to keep future parts mor

26 minutes ago, randomkath said:

If you're looking for nitpicking: The exact nature of Emma's challenge is not clear, the solution seems arbitrary. None of the individual steps were random, but what she ended up with is missing context.

If I was just gonna have her finding random items, it would be just that: Random items. The equipment has a definite purpose which will be revealed in the next full chapter.

However I plan to do another mini-chapter between parts 10 and 11. No spoilers though :)

Edited by Bulge_Lover (see edit history)
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I hate read these chapters, I know that after the end there will be a long wait :')

But OK, I definitely liked that, until now, no doubts I'd venture to say that this is the best story on the site (interactive stories I have as top 3 Lilica Quest, Faust's stories and the stories of omocomando, but it is other category )

 

If you will allow me to say, the only thing that sometimes bother me slightly in these stories and the inhuman ability to hold some girls, there are stories with more than 3 days without peeing, but in this story this is very light, I would really say Most of these girls have very plausible acting, only in this last part of Megan that's a little overdone, but most of the other scenes were plausible if a girl was really trained and determined.

 

I really found it unexpected what Kay did, but it was a very pleasant surprise, I get to see clearly the scene with Megan's eyes (maybe this middle chapter can count on a splinoff showing how things were from Kay's point of view in this challenge And her thoughts, I would like to know clearly how she make that decision to come down and personally talk to Megan and know more about this wonderful girl Kay ) 

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13 hours ago, AkenoSama said:

If you will allow me to say, the only thing that sometimes bother me slightly in these stories and the inhuman ability to hold some girls, there are stories with more than 3 days without peeing, but in this story this is very light, I would really say Most of these girls have very plausible acting, only in this last part of Megan that's a little overdone, but most of the other scenes were plausible if a girl was really trained and determined.

Trust me, I regret that. I should have come up with a lower number. But there were a few factors that caused me to push it.

1: I simply don't have much time to write this story anymore. I've started work on the sequel to my real novel and that's far more important as it, you know, sells. For money. However, I've promised multiple people multiple times not to abandon this story, so I need to wrap it up. I can't drag days out over two or three parts anymore, I need to condense it so I can get a proper ending in a reasonable amount of time. In order to get the story where I want it for said ending, I had to boost Emma's capacity by a sadly ridiculous amount.

2: I stayed within my parameters of plausibility. The largest quantity I've ever seen a real woman pee voluntarily (e.g. not a medical emergency) is 2400 ML. No human character in any of my stories will ever surpass this quantity as realism is very important to me. So no matter how absurd something seems, keep in mind that it's still based in reality, albeit the fringes of it. Emma's already-large capacity combined with a bout of adoration-fueled insanity makes it at least somewhat believable.

3: It allows for a sort of mini-chapter that I've been wanting to do since near the beginning. You'll see why and how soon enough.

4: Hate to admit this one, but the truth is I just sort of fucked up the timeline. I had all the items Emma had to collect in mind, but time in the story wasn't passing quickly enough for her to get desperate enough. I definitely wanted her to get absolutely CRITICALLY, DANGEROUSLY desperate in this chapter, and there was no proper way to fill that gap without heavily changing the whole first half of the chapter, which I didn't want to do because like I said in [1], I'm busy writing my real book. I was forced to use the "she fell asleep" time skip, and using calculations based on real biology considering the amount that she drank without any food, it came out to about 2100 ML in her bladder upon waking up. Add to this the time it took to collect the last item, I had to go higher than that.

All-in-all it's a bit of a clusterfuck. Everybody should keep in mind that this is a sort of "beta" version of this story. Once it's finished, I will be remastering the entire thing, fixing errors (Like saying Cheers is in bloody New York, my god), general storytelling mistakes like this one, and any typos I might have missed. I might even add some new content / change whole chapters, so be prepared to reread whenever that happens.

As I tell everyone, PLEASE let me know if there's anything you don't like about the story, and especially if you see any errors or typos. I need all the input I can get for when the time comes that I do create the final version.

Thank you for your comment, and thanks to all my other readers as well.

 

Edited by Bulge_Lover (see edit history)
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