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Excited for Drug Testing


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Today I have to give a pee sample for a drug test and it got me thinking. Does anyone else get excited for these?  What's your favorite parts of the experience of a drug test or giving a pee sample for other things?

Every job I have had since I was 17 required a drug test. Evey place has different procedures but some (like the one today) required eveyone that got picked for the test to go to a waiting room together and wait till you have to go.  When someone is ready to pee they go to the connected rest room where a medical staff member is waiting. At this place there is a curtain for privacy in the room, but when I was in the Army we had a "meat watcher" that had to see the stream come from the persons body. 

Some of my favorite things:

Knowing that everyone in that room has to pee at some point. 

Seeing some get desperate whe they are in line to go test. (Got one in line right now doing a little bounce)

I love handing a warm cup of piss to the person grading the test and watch them holding my pee. I make sure to fill up the cup even though they only need a little. 

Today im going to hydrate and hold my pee till im the last one in the room.  Only 12 got selected for thevtest so it wont be a long hold, but there are some that just went pee before they found put they had a test. 

Edited by Micron27
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Its been about an hour now and i have seen 1 pee pee dance and there is 3 of us now left still drinking water, waiting for the urge... well 2 are waiting, I have needed to go since we got in the room and im still holding. Im at about a 6 at the moment. Still going to wait it out. The medical staff is getting  annoyed at us... they cant leave till we are done. 

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My favorite part is drinking a little too much water a little too long before the test and then "getting lost" during the ride there (bonus points if there's traffic). By the time I get to the test center, I really, really need to go. While I'm checking in, I ask "Hey, how long do you think it'll be? I really need to use the restroom." I feign an impatient sigh if I have to wait, but secretly I'm enjoying it. It turns me on when other people know I have to go. Hopefully the wait is at least twenty minutes. Sometimes they let me take the test right away, but that's no fun. "If only I hadn't taken that wrong turn on the way here and gotten stuck in traffic!" I think with a laugh as I wait. Finally, they call me for the test. I make sure to fill the cup until it can't hold one more drop. "After all, I want to make sure they have a big enough sample to test." I think with a laugh as I carefully screw the lid back on. The real reason is that I love it when the nurse says something like, "Wow, you really needed to go!"

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It was never a very fun experience for me, lol. I guess it could have been if the circumstances were right, but they never really were.

 

The last time I got drug tested I had come to school late because I felt bad, so when I got there they called me in for it. I had gone to the bathroom before I came to school so they just sat me down and kept making me drink. Since I already felt sick to my stomach this made me feel worse and after about twenty minutes I started crying and they let me go back to class :P Not very enjoyable!

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I remember having to go and wait for a mandatory screening. The company called in each department for an emergency meeting on Saturday (our spouses/SO's were pissed off) at a different time. We waited in the conference room and were given water. There were nervous jokes of mass layoffs and who was in trouble. We waited. After two hours, they called and escorted each one of us (by seniority - and I was one of the last 5 people hired) individually to an unused / storage office by the bathrooms.

We could not talk to anyone or ask any questions until we signed a piece of paper - it was a confidentiality statement. The (for lack of a better word) "examiner" told each one of us that we would be required to sign the statement (after he read it) and give our verbal agreement as well. I was nearly shitting myself with stress. I was also bursting to go.

After it was read (I read it upside down on the desk seven times, word for word, by the time he finished one read through.), I gave my assent and signed the document.

I was ready to leak at that point. And I asked if that was all, because the water was running through me.

He produced another piece of paper and my original work contract (stating that I had to submit to urine and/or any other drug screening at any time or would be terminated immediately.). The other piece of paper was a statement that said I would allow someone to accompany me to the bathroom to inspect and collect any and all urine/blood/swab samples as necessary. I assented and signed (and it was also notarized). I was trying not to do the pee dance in front of the examiner. A man and woman came in and held the door for me. I made a mad dash to the men's.

I was thinking 'Oh, I am going to have to pee in front of someone else.'

I started shrinking. I could feel what I though was a drop of pee at the tip of my penis. I ran through the bathroom door.

I looked around for the easiest place to pee. Urinal, sink, or stall. I may not make any of them. I tried to push my pants off my hips and realised I had not undone the buckle.

Fuck! I was going to wet myself and be fired. (I get very nervous, especially when I have done nothing wrong.)

The technician steps around me and hands me the largest urine sample jar I had ever seen. Usually they look like jelly jar sized cups with lids and a sanitary seal over top.This looked like a huge peanut butter sized jar by comparison. (it felt like it was the 32 oz. size but I know it wasn't close to that.).

I managed to drop my pants and underwear. I have a nervous penis. Normally it isn't even 6" when fully erect.  It shrunk to, as near as makes no difference, zero inches. I put the whole mouth of the specimen jar over my bush and let go.

I filled the jar and was going to try to figure how the hell was I going to remove the jar, stop the pee, then make it to the toilet and finish, when he unsealed another jar and put it into my field of vision. I do not know if he said anything. Probably he did. I do not remember. I clamped my muscles as hard as I could and did the Raiders of the Lost Ark statue switch (sort of, well, you know what I mean. And I did think of that at the time. (Later, I thought of him as Satipo rubbing his gloved fingers together waiting for the near to brim full cup. I am glad I did not think of it at the time. I probably would have dropped the full specimen cup.)

That was one full cup I handed him. I put the other one over myself and filled it.

I filled a lot of cups. I want to say it was 5 or more.

When I was done, he took a cheek swab. I apologized for filling so many containers. He said it was OK.

I washed up and then went to another room for a blood draw.

It turned out that our company was being sold to a large commercial mortage servicer / bank - and they wanted to make sure there were no employees with dependency problems. We could not tell anyone in the other departments what the emergency meetings were about. I never asked my co-workers how they did on their tests (or even how it felt). It must have been very hard for the women (unless they used a large pee hat for collection).

One thing I learned, (No, "Just say no" wasn't it. I knew that already.), was never to eat poppyseeds on anything. They are a common item on bagels and (with lemon) on muffins. Poppyseeds can give a false positive for opiates on drug tests. One manager in the Bankruptcy servicing department almost lost her job because she had a bagel with poppyseeds. Luckily, she was able to appeal for a repeat of the test. She had random drug screenings after that for two years.

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  • 7 months later...
On 11/14/2016 at 2:45 PM, lsn1 said:

My favorite part is drinking a little too much water a little too long before the test and then "getting lost" during the ride there (bonus points if there's traffic). By the time I get to the test center, I really, really need to go. While I'm checking in, I ask "Hey, how long do you think it'll be? I really need to use the restroom." I feign an impatient sigh if I have to wait, but secretly I'm enjoying it. It turns me on when other people know I have to go. Hopefully the wait is at least twenty minutes. Sometimes they let me take the test right away, but that's no fun. "If only I hadn't taken that wrong turn on the way here and gotten stuck in traffic!" I think with a laugh as I wait. Finally, they call me for the test. I make sure to fill the cup until it can't hold one more drop. "After all, I want to make sure they have a big enough sample to test." I think with a laugh as I carefully screw the lid back on. The real reason is that I love it when the nurse says something like, "Wow, you really needed to go!"

Yup...It's always fun to put so much urine in the cup that you elicit some response from the nurse or worker.  

"Wow, I'm not sure if we got enough there"  

"Well, you certainly had to go"

"I guess someone needed to go"

"Next time, drink a little more water"

"That's a lot!  We don't usually get that much."

"And I think you gave us enough"

"Thaaat will do it."

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lot of the tests are done by outside firms              and they have bathroom with just the toilet no sink, and they squirt a blue dye into the toilet before you go in so you cant use that water for your test sample. they make you take everything out of your pockets and pat you down to make sure you don't have a small bottle of pee with you to use for your sample. and they tell you not to flush when your done.  Is common to see some squirming as      people have went a while without peeing before coming in. 

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I've had to do pee tests at the doctors office for most of my life and hated them when I could start doing them without my mother having to be there ( I was a terrible aim) so I was horified to find out my employer wanted a drug test. when I got there they handed me a good sized cup. I actually loved it the cup was very flexible so I split my lips and kind of used them to help me hold the cup. I opened my legs really wide and watched my pee spill from me and into the cup. I never saw pee tests the same way again.

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I've never been drug tested but I'd definitely make the most of it. I'd make sure to hydrate really well beforehand and turn up really needing to go. I quite like the idea of having to wait until my name is called while trying not to fidget around too much. The idea of a female nurse or technician watching me pee into a cup is also quite appealing although in reality it would most likely be a bloke. 

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