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Private Message Abuse


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I actually really like getting personal messages. As long as they aren't creepy or annoying that is, of course.

So far, I haven't had many people contact me in private on this site, which is fine too. It's not like I want someone to contact me every minute. I just think it's nice when someone takes an interest and writes a few lines about our mutual interests or something like that. 

Sometimes I'm far too nice for my own good, and I can never really reject someone or tell them no. It causes troubles for me sometimes. I guess I'd sooner block someone than tell them to fuck off, if they get to be too much. Like if they started randomly hitting on me, asking what I'm wearing, etc..

But in the end, I always give everyone who is worth it a chance. I would never ignore a PM, unless the one who sent it started out with something very inappropriate. 

 

 

Edited by Auntie (see edit history)
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I wish some girl (not a guy who thinks because he 'feels like' or 'dresses like' a girl he is a girl...he is not...sorry to me you might even be a girl by the laws of your country or even 'some' count

Being a bit of a bigot ain't going to help you in that endeavor at all, mate. Just from reading that, I'd rather chop top off a toe. Learn the difference between gender and sex, and then learn to be k

See now I can't not reply because there's flat out lies being told. I was just going to leave it as it was, I was even considering pming to clear this up, I had even asked the admin what I should do,

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I like receiving messages and talking to new people. I don't often start conversations because the introvert side of me assures me that I'm being annoying or something. I have some very firm boundaries so if/when I receive a message that makes me uncomfortable I say so. If that gets ignored I block, because if someone is willing to trample known boundaries in such a fashion they usually have no problems with spamming in an effort to get a response. No sir, not in my inbox.

I do love receiving questions and sharing stories. It's all about willingness and consent, bullying and cohersion should have no place

Edited by buggy2013 (see edit history)
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Never got any abusive message, but I'm a male, so I guess it doesn't count.
Still I get disappointed when someone sends a message asking for advice or any information and then after I take my time to explain or help them there is no follow up message, not even a "thank you". Unfortunately those are most of the messages I get.

On the other hand I have always got polite replies from everyone I messaged, so I do consider this to be a nice community.

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I don't get many messages at all, although that's to be expected as I often go through massive periods of time where I don't post or even lurk :tongue: The few I have had tend to just fizzle out after the other person stops replying - totally understandable, people have their own lives to live and I don't hold it against them. Everyone I've seen around on the site seems super friendly and I've never had a bad experience here. I'm pretty much always up for chatting or getting to know people though.

Other places (Tumblr/Kik) are a different story - my personal pet peeve is when someone just messages you out of the blue something like "u need to pee?" or "im really hrny and need to pee". Even online I think there's a certain amount of etiquette to be expected :happy: Just introducing yourself is a good start!

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I'm surprised how open the women in this thread generally are towards private conversations. I'd have thought that many would consider unsolicited contact as creepy in itself. Please, everybody, behave in a way that it remains like that.

Regarding to what has been said in this thread:

If I just follow a topic, I'd find it very creepy if the original poster would use that as an invitation to start a private conversation asking me to provide more information and background or history on how I became interested in omo. Even commenting doesn't warrant this, when the comments just addressed the specific topic.

If I share a (true or fictional) story, that does not mean that I'm interested or willing to go into more details of that experience in a private one-to-one conversation. And if someone is just curious about some specifics, I see no reason that can't be asked in public comments, as others might be interested as well. A natural way for me to get into a private conversation would be to exchange public comments and establish a conversation there, and take it to PM when it starts getting too personal or too uninteresting and lengthy for others.

If someone is interested in a personal conversation without a specific public post as starting point, in my opinion the one acceptable way to do that is to send a polite message and ask whether she/he is interested in the kind of conversation that one has in mind. And accept that many wont be, and have the right to not even answer. Directly providing own experience is rude, and directly trying to create any sexual atmosphere (no matter whether by pictures or descriptions or prying for details) is IMO abusive, and justifies an immediate complaint, without responding.

Personal conversations are secluded, and somewhat invading privacy, and should be handled with the respect that comes with that.

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To be honest, the only difference between a PM and a public thread is there are only two people that can view it, until more people are invited to it. It looks and feels like a thread, but you have the ability to block and delete it. All it is really is just a digital message on your screen that you have complete control over.

I would agree that it's invading privacy if they were able to access information that you haven't publicly posted or were somehow able to circumvent your attempts at preventing them from contacting you. Other than that, it's just some pixels on your screen that can usually be wiped away easier than dust.

However, people that abuse the PM system are almost always banned from using it as long as it's reported. If it's a creepy or unsavory  message, block and report, then you're done. If you simply don't wish to talk to them, you have the choice to ignore them or say so. But a simple PM that isn't inappropriate or explicitly going against your publicly posted wishes isn't abusive or invading privacy in my opinion.

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In my opinion, private messages are much more than threads with reduced visibility. In a public topic, the original poster has decided on something that they are comfortable with communicating. The mode of communication is: with anybody, publicly, implying a reasonable demeanor, as anything else will be shunned. On the receiving side, readers open topics that look interesting to them,  and nobody notices if they don't or move away again.

In a private message, the recipient is requested to communicate on something of the sender's choice. The recipient is already exposed to the initial content, which may be uncomfortable to them (granted, this can happen with public topics as well). As was written here, there are senders that will send explicit content, and that will request (or demand) explicit replies. And some that will try to insist, if their request is denied or ignored.

So private messages are invasive. This doesn't mean anyone can't use them, but everybody who wants to contact someone unsolicitedly, should be aware that they are invading someone's personal sphere, and therefore should do so in a considerate manner.

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So far I've had no issues with using the messenger. Every once in awhile I message someone mainly for the conversation and discuss about the fetish if they're comfortable with it, compliment a video/pic they made, etc. All the conversations I've been in have been fine, polite, no issues with them whatsoever.

 

I'm more than open to talk when I'm on here so if you ever feel the need, everyone is more than welcome to shoot me a message and whatnot. Just be polite and from my experience, most people will reply. It's a surprisingly good community here overall and I'm happy to be apart of it.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Seems like I'm late to the total clusterf*** some of these conversations are. 
To the girls out there. I feel you. 
I run a tumblr blog for my girlfriend and myself, and both of us will make posts and reply to messages. But the sheer volume of deplorable content being thrown at users by dudes is really gross. The kinds of things dudes send directed at her bother both of us. This is in addition to the messages I get as a guy on fetlife. We're not even going to go there. 
So I totally understand, and this has made me a little gunshy about ever PMing anyone on this site. That and I don't feel the need to PM someone unless I actually have something to talk about. 
"Hey, I see we both browse this site. Neat"
Is a terrible way to start a private conversation to me, so I won't do it. 

However, I am completely open to discussion about anything that I have any familiarity with, and so I am a little sad about the amount of networking here.
But I did take an extremely long hiatus from actual posting and I browse this site in spurts (no pun intended). So, I understand that you get what you put in?

Just my two cents. 

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I wish some girl (not a guy who thinks because he 'feels like' or 'dresses like' a girl he is a girl...he is not...sorry to me you might even be a girl by the laws of your country or even 'some' country....but to me you are only a girl if you were born a girl and have not had some huge medical changes to make you into whatever it was you felt you needed to be!      would message me with the intent of hearing what my experiences have been and telling me their experiences.     I hope that simplifies it for some of you? and me of course.

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3 hours ago, WetG/F said:

I wish some girl (not a guy who thinks because he 'feels like' or 'dresses like' a girl he is a girl...he is not...sorry to me you might even be a girl by the laws of your country or even 'some' country....but to me you are only a girl if you were born a girl and have not had some huge medical changes to make you into whatever it was you felt you needed to be!      would message me with the intent of hearing what my experiences have been and telling me their experiences.     I hope that simplifies it for some of you? and me of course.

Being a bit of a bigot ain't going to help you in that endeavor at all, mate. Just from reading that, I'd rather chop top off a toe. Learn the difference between gender and sex, and then learn to be kinder to other people, especially in regards to their personal situations you do not comprehend (i.e learn your worldview isn't "fact".)

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I do not have anything against people who are confused about what they are....I knew a girl who wanted to be a horse!  I just don,t want somebody to contact me if they are not and have not always have been physically a woman.    Just as I do not want to buy a Ford F100.....    I want A Jeep Wrangler.......I will not buy the Ford just because the guy who owns the Ford has hurt feelings because he (bigot) believes everyone should drive a Ford F100.

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