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"Who there is?"

Ok, just playing with the lame song, sorry, but this post is really about the father (I'll call him George) of my older son, who's now seventeen.

A couple weekends ago, George, who I met way back in 1996 when we worked for the same grocery store, came to visit to see about his son for the first time in about ten years.  He had been writing him, and talking to him on the phone for about a year before, but prior to that, no contact at all for about ten years.  I was surprised that our son was so accepting of George, and even was pleased to find how much he had in common with him, from looks, to mannerisms, to clothing preferences, to interests and hobbies.  They had a great time together.  I also had a great time with George, we burned a few together, and talked about old times and updated each other about ourselves, and people we still kept in contact with from back in the day.  Shocking to find out how people changed, George and myself included.

George has been texting me regularly since he left.  He wants to rekindle something with me besides just friendship.  I'm not sure if he means our old friends-with-benefits arrangement from our teen years, or taking a stab at a relationship, which we've never done.  Either way, I'm not sure how I feel about it.  When I was a teenager, I would've loved to have a relationship with George, but he wouldn't leave his girlfriend.  Nowadays, I don't want a relationship at all, not with George or anyone else.  The friends with benefits thing...I don't know about that, either.  Sex isn't a huge part of my life, I have some hangups about it, so I don't have it often, and I'm alive and well and happy.  I warned him that I'm a pee freak, but it didn't turn him off, he just replied that he didn't want it in his face...cool.  So he's down to explore, could be interesting.  And, I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be interesting to play with someone I'd last played with 18 years ago.  I have a lot of respect and love for George.  Not the romantic kind, but a deep friendship kind; he gave me one of the coolest kids in the world :)  But, I can't help but think it would be a little ratchety if I got involved with him again, my baby daddy; our son is almost 18!  It would be like a bad movie.  Hell, it's already got elements of a bad movie; father decides to wake up and get involved with his surviving kids after learning one has died, visits his oldest and they're so alike it's like he's seeing himself at 17, even being on the best terms with the baby mamma.

Anyway, that's what's going on in my offline world, well not the only thing of course, just the one that I felt like I had to share.  Open to any comments, advice, similar stories...    

 

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Wow, what a surprise, that George wants to be part of your and your son's lives again! You don't have to decide everything at once -- you can take it one step at a time, trying to be realistic about your own feelings and about George's behavior and motivations as you get to know him again. Good luck!

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Thanks for sharing that, Lucy.

It sounds like you're not averse to exploring the possibilities with George, though naturally your have some reservations too. It seems you're thinking about it, trying to look at it from all angles and decide what you ought to do, and it's good that you're doing that. Sounds like you're having a hard time deciding what to do or even (maybe) how you feel. So I suggest you should try to take it easy and keep all your options open.

If I were you I think I'd talk to George, ask him what he thinks about this, and talk to him about what you feel, being honest about your feelings and your doubts. Give him a chance to react and see how he takes it. If the option of starting a relationship comes up and you want to try it, don't overcommit until you're really sure and be clear with him about what's happening.

Alex

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