AliasnameTO

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About AliasnameTO

  • Rank
    Leaking
  • Birthday 05/20/1990

Personal Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Sexual Orientation
    Pansexual
  • Location
    USA
  • Interests
    writing, video games, history, sci-fi/futurism, omo :P

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  1. I did this semi-regularly at my old job. Our uniform was black pants, so I would let out dribbles pretty confidently and for some time without noticeable evidence. Such a thrill to talk to customers while quite damp. Made work a little more bearable.
  2. Super cute :D. The writing itself left something to be desired, as it was pretty much all telling and summary. But it was enough to stir the imagination. I love picturing this happening, a guy (in skinny jeans!) getting desperate after repeated denials because he's too shy to say he has to go. Maybe Jeremy's sobbing in the middle of the floor was a bit excessive, but I liked it overall. I'd definitely read more about these two. And I second the motion for tank tops! At least one. <3
  3. Not to crap on your thread, but this is my story from many years ago. I have the same profile name on animegirldesp.org where it was posted. http://www.animegirldesp.org/agd/index.php?topic=2233.0 I'm actually glad to see it getting a bit more recognition. But ugh, it's embarrassing now. Really rough to my older eyes hehe.
  4. Sounded extremely awkward to me, I personally would have died X.X but awesome to hear that it went well. I guess you can get away with a lot if you guys talk about pee a lot anyway hehe. Wish I could have had a similar experience.
  5. I remember a long time ago seeing a watersports blog entry where the writer talked about this. On one hand are the medical terms, which are too cold and clinical for normal use. The outer part of a person's body is their "skin", not their epidermis. On the other are the slang words like cock and pussy, which make it sound dirty and scandalous. So what is a writer to do? The author of this blog used unconventional words for those parts. I forget the etymology of them, but she referred to the penis as the "lingam" and a girl's parts as the "yoni." To me it came off as weird and hippie-ish but it hit that connotation sweet spot of sounding like it was said neither by a doctor nor a porn star. Barring that though, it comes down to what word fits best. I will generally err on the side of correct terms unless there's a reason to do otherwise, like in a non-omo story I'm writing about teenage boys. They say "dick" a lot, so I use dick. And as others have said a lot of word choice is avoiding repetition. It's especially hard with desperation and wetting because there are only so many ways to say "s/he had to pee really bad and peed on themselves."
  6. Grace sounds super sweet. Shame she didn't have friends and was "Sad, Fat Grace." I always had mixed feelings about the person who peed being angry. On one hand it's usually no one else's fault, and their nastiness is misplaced. On the other it's sort of cute that they try to express awesome wrath while dripping with the evidence of their weakness. :D " I sat there, at my desk, talking to a very important client, pissing like I was sitting on a goddamned toilet. " < Hot.
  7. No writer goes from newb to pro in a day. This one is better than the last, though. I'll focus on grammar, because everything else is built upon knowing how to be understood. "Chitoge was about ready to lose it, Classes seem like they were taking forever today, her next period was lunch." Do you see anything off here? You have words arranged in what's basically three sentences, recognizing that the middle one is a separate thought by capitalizing "Classes." But it's all combined with commas, which makes a run-on or comma-splice. There are ways to make more complex sentences, but it's better to get simple ones down first. Revised: "Chitoge was about ready to lose it. Classes seem[ed] like they were taking forever today. Her next period was lunch." The next two sentences have the opposite problem-- you put a period between them in a way that makes a fragment, which I underlined. " She had [drunk] A LOT. Ranging from Coffee she had at breakfast, Her water bottle, and so on. " The first part is fine. The underlined part, however, needs fixing. You can either combine it with the first somehow, or put a subject in there. An example might be "Her liquids that day ranged from coffee..." and that would fix the grammar. ^^Just some things to chew on. I did like the imagery of her temporarily questioning her sexuality before the urgency overwhelmed her thoughts. And waking up from pee dreams to wetting oneself is always an adorable scenario. :D
  8. Nobody wants to hear this about something they worked hard on, but in an objective sense, the writing here is pretty bad. And that's okay! :) Everyone's writing sucks when they are just starting out, which I get the feeling you are. Here are a few tips that might help. Your first sentence is a run-on. It has too many parts all crammed into one sentence. Try separating it as such: "It was Wednesday morning. Chitoge woke up late. She had had a wet dream (can girls have wet dreams?) about Raku and she was mad that she was interrupted from that dream." But that says nothing about the style. You might have heard the immortal tidbit of writing "Show, don't tell." If the reader is supposed to imagine something, you can't get away with saying it directly. "Chitoge's best friend, Kosaki, was sitting next to her, and wondered what was wrong. " The first part of this is fine. But you are writing from Chitoge's perspective, and she presumably can't read minds. You have to use another way to let us know Kosaki wondered what was wrong. It could be as simple as Kosaki watching her movements and literally asking, "What's wrong?" but it has to be something. Anyway, this should give you a bit to chew on. Best of luck in your future writing endeavors. Omorashi is a great motivator and inspiration for the writer's art. :)
  9. I'd say F, not okay. I've never seen a pool without easy bathroom access (or if it's a backyard and you're desperate, go on the ground), and I certainly don't want to swim in people's pee. Ocean, showers, or otherwise where there are no consequences for doing so, fine.
  10. male

    I never would have guessed. Considering those facts I'd say you did a fine job. :)
  11. It is amazing. :D I wish they had included an omo scene (Yuri K. is cool but Yuri Plisetsky would be nice too), but that's a bit too much to ask.
  12. male

    It was very sweet and a well-done scenario. But stylistically, it could use some work. You flip-flop perspectives a few times without warning; there are better ways of showing what Oliver's up to. And on the topic of showing, you could use more. A few times you tell directly what we should think and feel. This dilutes the imagery you've worked hard to build up. Would you think of going more into what Elliot thinks about his situation? The anxiety stuff was very detailed and I imagine you might have some real-life experience. But being 15, he probably would be less than okay with being taken care of so completely. He can understand he needs help sometimes, but might also want to maintain at least a little independence for his personal pride. It might be too academic for a story really built around a pee accident, but you could also use that to set up more wettings. Just some thoughts because I actually did like it a lot and will read a part 2. :)
  13. And as non-moderator advice, could you make some paragraph breaks in them and/or future ones for the love of god? It is horrendous on the eyes to try picking apart that wall.
  14. Cool that it's a guy, too. Male desp stories are too rare. :)
  15. I like fairly intense humiliation as long as it's focused more on the "what will they think of me?" front than the "I'm a piece of crap" kind of shame. And comfort afterwards is ideal.