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puruhimi

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About puruhimi

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  • Birthday 04/08/1994

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  1. Actually, i didnt like the girl that much... i thought about that being the reason, too. And i did get something out of it, we even did it multiple times. I still missed something, but maybe you're right about her just not being the right person. What im struggling with the most would be my sexual identity, but to be honest im getting the feeling, that just like with the transidentity thing, im putting myself into some position where i want to see myself because of some other complex(es), but maybe i dont really belong there. Its hard to say, i guess i would need to try things to figure it out, so i'll wait for the opportunity. Anyway, you certainly helped me :) Its kind of fascinating how fu.. complicated these things get :D
  2. about my 2 friends you're probably right, i can see why i would overreact on this, although its a little much to explain. anyway, when i say straight intercourse, i dont know what i mean either. i cant really decide whether im the man or woman in my fantasies. what i experienced so far was "regular" sex with a girl, it worked but "enjoyable" would be too much, and i really loved doing anything with a guy - except anal, which is kind of the actual problem. i dont like it, i dont want it, but what else am i supposed to do with a guy? yeah its not everything, but i need some sort of "penetration" in my "sexual world". so we're back to women. my mind is going in circles about this the last few days.
  3. I've been confused about my sexuality and gender-identity for about 6 years, and i believe that i am now closing in on the truth. That's totally awesome, im finally getting out of depression and stuff. Now there are few questions left for me, and i was hoping that maybe i could get some good advice here. But let me start from the beginning (in as short as possible, without leaving anything important out): I am male and it all started at the age of 15, not surprisingly. I first went from straight to bisexual, then on to gay. At this point i fell in love with my best friend, but thats not the issue here, thats just how i realized i like guys. Back then, i wasnt into women at all - but then i found myself feeling like a transgender-woman (still only into men). I felt like this until about a week ago, but then there was this conversation with all my friends who were worrying about me doing the right thing. They actually thought about something like an intervention, not because they could not accept what i thought i wanted, but because they felt it wasnt right. Somewhere, deep down i felt it too. But i had nothing else, so i didnt want to notice, lying to myself. I owe them big time for getting me out of there. So yeah, im not a trans-woman, but a crossdresser. I can live with that. So im into men - so far so good. but im also into straight, not gay intercourse. Would have worked out fine if i would have become a woman, but not like that. Of course i thought about being with a woman when i realized this, and to my surprise i actually found something: role-reversal, where i would "technically" be the guy, but dressing and acting as the woman, and of course the other way around. And this is where im standing right now. Now i have 1 rather simple question and 2 problems. Question: Is there some kind of term for what i just described with the role-reversal thing? Problem 1: I've always been into men, thats okay, but now im into women too, even if its just in a very special way. But now i dont feel like one partner, no matter which gender, could fulfill all my needs. Im not feeling good about this at all, i just want one partner... I dont know what to make of this at all, and im absolutely not the cheating or open-relationship type. Problem 2: I have these 2 friends, boy and girl, who are in a relationship. Now he is very protective about his girl when it comes to other guys that might be looking at her the wrong way, nothing new, just with me that never was a problem, since i wasnt into women anyway. Now i fear that when i tell him im into women after all, even though i just realized it myself, he might think i used (or will try to use) him or her or anything like that to get closer to her. To make that absolutely clear, thats not it at all. I still dont have any feelings like this towards her, not even purely sexually, and i honestly believe i never will. It's just that after all these years of being (good) friends with guys only, while i still consider myself being mostly female, with her i finally found a girl to just be friends with. I cant explain what this really means to me, maybe you can imagine, but let me say this much: when she said to me that she sees me as a girl-friend, i broke down in tears... of happiness. I dont see any other way but to tell them, I dont want to be lying to them about anything at all, but im scared... not that i wont be able to explain it properly, but im scared of this friendship changing for good. Now that im done typing my actual text, i really have to say... after those 6 years, im just tired of searching for myself and my real desires. Im sure that on a site like this, quite a few people should be able to relate. Please, if you have any ideas on what to make of this whole thing, especially problem 1, im grateful for anything that might even just be a hint for me. And i would be very happy about experiences and similar stories. I know im not alone, but i feel like it right now.
  4. puruhimi

    Ideas for wetting/diaper videos?

    I too think quality is way more important than quantity. I believe that is because some fantasies are dependent on details, like i have this idea X of what could happen, and i just dont find anything like it. because there is all this standard-stuff, like "baby girl wets her nappy" and there you go, thats it. of course there is more than that, but its just an example on how it works (for me) in general. what im trying to say is, since its not always easy to come around with whole new ideas, theres still plenty of new stuff we could do by taking whats already there and just make more of it. I know thats pretty vague, im having a hard time of describing what my point is. I hope its helpful in any way :)
  5. puruhimi

    Favorite Anime, Manga, least favorite, drawing style?

    actually i keep a list with all animes i've seen so far, including ratings from 1-5 :D so yeah, favorites are clannad and fma: brotherhood. but i also wanna mention Great Teacher Onizuka, Nichijou, Noragami and my childhood favorite Ranma 1/2 :) whats the worst i've seen... well, when i come across something i perceive as "bad", i dont really keep on watching, nor do i remember it for long. but from what i finished watching, i guess Ichigo Mashimaro was kinda boring :o *no offense* and about manga, i never really got into them, not that i didnt try it. drawing style: Noragami, Tonari No Kaibutsu-Kun, Clannad or K-ON! :)
  6. i dont know, its an interesting thought, but i really had to laugh about the title :D just, like, cause its asia. and asia is weird, so schoolgirls wet themselves in class. anyway, you may be right but that would not mean that they needed this inspiration.
  7. puruhimi

    Ideas for wetting/diaper videos?

    how about a leash? i mean, bondage in general, we dont have to talk about that. but a leash is in a sense not real bondage i think, since it just limits how far you can move. i think that works great together with bathroom denial and the likes. if its about diapers, how about a cute baby-collar? :D