Will1994

Well I just broke up with my girlfriend.  

I feel sucky, but she feels horrible.  I keep wanting to try and make things right by taking back my desire to break up with her.  I feel like it's my empathy and my sensing and feeling of her emotions.  I have no idea how much I meant to her.  I know I meant a lot to her, and I know she feels guilty about what she did.  I don't condemn or judge her on it, but while she does it in a relationship with me, it's wrong and I don't like it.

I wish I could take her feelings and pain away, even if it meant feeling them as strongly as she does.  I hate seeing her hurt like this.  I could hear her crying and screaming in her car.  I wanted nothing more than to sit with her and try and fix it.  I did the best I could to let her know I wasn't angry or upset.  I wanted her to know that there is hope we could end up back together and I believe that.  I wish I told her instead that I needed a break, or time to think and process my feelings.  She did what she did to survive and take care of herself and to make money to make my birthday special.  I don't judge her for anything.  I wish I could make her see herself the way I see her.

I am sad and anxious and angry and confused and devastated.  I found out my girlfriend of 10 months is an escort.  I don’t condemn people for being escorts, I have nothing against them, but it’s wrong when you’re in a relationship.  I caught her doing it a few months ago, and I thought we worked through it, she was hurt and ashamed and remorseful.  She said she wanted to make things right and earn my trust.  Now we’re back to square one.  It hurts because I’ve done so much for her, and I’ve paid her rent and her bills, and never got anything back.  Most I didn’t expect or ask to be repaid.  
 

I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere.  I don’t want to tell my irl friends or family because I feel like I let them down and let them be betrayed.  Reddit was too much of a pain to try and post on.  So now I’m here.

Not looking for sympathy or advice really.  I hope y’all’s days are going better than mine.  And if you’re wondering, I’m not feeling self destructive or irrational in any way.  

So as of today, my GF of 7 months now knows that I have a AB/DL kink/fetish.  I admitted to her that I fantasize about switching between the Dominant and the Submissive roles related to ABDL.  I also admitted to her (specifically) that I fantasized about laying her down, undressing her, diapering her, and cuddling with her.  

I was open and honest with her in how these kinks, fetishes, and lifestyles made me feel, and I told her I wanted to know if she was interested in exploring the realm of ABDL.

The good news was she was very open and supportive and appreciative that I was open and honest with her and she did say she was interested in taking baby steps (no pun intended) in exploring and trying out the different aspects of my fantasies and the ABDL kink.  She however wasn't keen on wetting or messing.  She didn't explicitly say no to them, but she did did want to explore the more mellow side of the ABDL world initially before doing anything more.