JalinMurdock

Great story Rainy.

Amazing. Simply amazing. It pays tribute to historic notions of propulsion by momentum, from what I've gathered. It establishes the characters well. It utilizes several types of story conflict (man vs. man, man vs. machine, man vs. self, etc) to build up to the climax throughout the entire story. The man vs. machine aspect involved a solid, highly involved fictional science that gives that richly contributes to one plot twist after another. And the man vs. man aspect is woven so snugly into the plot with the man vs. machine aspect and other story conflicts, there's not a single scene or detail that will be forgotten. Suddenly, Ramona realized that the magnetic fields produced by the machine not only propels the liquid inside the tubes, but in peoples bladders as well. When she realizes this, she struggles to avoid potential lawsuits through speech and conduct, man vs. man. Additionally, she's at moral conflict, man vs. self, when she realizes she's dodging a crucial issue in her design when she makes it seem like there's no problem to be conceived of, and continues to dodge the issue by skipping the bathroom to avoid suspicion. And the interview scene was so childish, so formulated, so corny and so exaggerated that everyone can understand the situation and relate to the characters in spite of their high level of intelligence. It amplifies how peoples ulterior motives and diverse backgrounds can bias their major decisions, and how they can be manipulated by someone of a higher level who's in tune with them. Even if one isn't savy enough to understand the richness of the fictional science and it's contribution to the plot, at the very least, people still understand that the machine is causing problems for her and the scientists are smart enough to be suspicious of it. Lastly, the story takes place in a technologically advanced setting that's both far advanced, and unique. When it comes to geniuses, it takes one to know one. Your story is a master piece, and you sir, are a genius.

Please continue this story. It's a brilliant premise.

That was a very neat idea to use a gallery image as the basis of your story. I enjoyed reading it. Personally, the characters could use a little more personality then "older sister" and "little brother." The Cost play was an interesting addition for the boy, revealing he's an anime fan. Still, he could use some personality too. Great story Kirito.

I always like desperate car scenario's. You should consider submitting your work to the editing team. They can help you with your grammar.