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D0nt45k

Soggy Member
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Posts posted by D0nt45k

  1. 4 hours ago, AnotherGuy said:

    I can see how that might taint some of your views towards relationships. However if you find that right person (which many people don't) then the benefits of it can also be great. Is it worth dreaming about that? I don't know.

    As for coworkers, it really depends. I've been in some workplaces where people were very open about everything in their lives and would not stop talking about their current/past relationships. Yes that's probably not appropriate, but people do it anyway and they'll look down on you if you don't want to join those conversations. Or at least that can sometimes be the case.

    Well sometimes you just need to accept that idiots will thumb their noses at you for no good reason, you can't do anything about that.  If they persist in pestering you, get HR involved.

  2. On 2/17/2024 at 5:29 AM, AnotherGuy said:

    Well I'm certainly not intending to rush into marriage or anything, maybe one day but that's not a major goal. For now, just finding someone who likes me in the same way that I like them would be enough. It depends what you mean by "the wrong partner". I'd say it's pretty common for relationships not to work out for various reasons and expecting perfection might not be helpful either. Of course that's an individual decision that everyone has to make.

    Even if (some) people might not be bothered by my lack of experience, I still fear that they will be. I don't want this to be a dark secret that I always have to hide or lie about, but unfortunately it is. I even worry about other people like coworkers finding out that I'm a virgin, and how they might react to that. When sex and relationships are talked about everywhere, it's hard not to feel like the odd one out.

    By "wrong partner", mostly I'm referring to abusive, manipulative, or overly narcissistic partners.  The really dangerous ones can be really hard to detect until it's too late.

    I've found this out the hard way.

    Also, don't worry about your coworkers.  imho it's unprofessional to talk about your love life in the workplace anyway (and a lot of managers agree with me).  If they bring it up, just say "this isn't the right place or time to discuss these sorts of things."

  3. 23 minutes ago, RDFan2020 said:

    I’m going to be 49 later this year and I’m still a virgin.

     

    In my opinion movie makers were running out of ideas when they decided to make a movie about a 40 year old virgin like it is something unique.

    And the funny thing is that the whole point of the movie is about how childish it is to obsess with other people's sex lives (or lack thereof).  Some people just don't want it, others have higher standards than many people.  I fit into the latter category, and for good reason: I've seen just how wrong it can go if you choose your partners poorly.  The stress from that is probably what drove my uncle into an early grave.

  4. On 2/15/2024 at 11:38 AM, AnotherGuy said:

    I recently turned 30 and am still a virgin, I haven't even kissed anybody yet. In fact it's been a few years since I last even went on a date. For me I just never seemed to meet anybody who genuinely liked me, or other circumstances got in the way. I also was never interested in casual sex, I just want a relationship really. That's been more difficult to find than I had expected.

    Is it ok? Well that really depends on how much it affects you. For me it does affect my self-esteem and probably impacts my confidence in how I interact with women, so in that way it is an issue. However I've gotten better at accepting it, when I was younger it used to bother me a lot more. Does it affect how you feel about yourself, or is it just that you worry about dates being bothered by it? Personally, I've never fully been able to get rid of the "virgin = nerd/loser" stereotype which still shapes how I feel about it.

    Don't rush things if it's a relationship that you want.  The consequences for choosing the wrong partner can be very dire these days (especially if you go all the way and get married - you're basically betting at least half of everything you own and will ever own that somebody will stick with you for the rest of their life), so it's generally better to vet a potential partner by hanging out with them platonicly before getting involved with them romantically.

    As for what a potential date thinks about your sexual experience, from what I've seen, most women don't really care about a man's body count...well, okay, they might, but it's a lot less important compared to other factors than you might think.  If you think they will...here's a thought: you can lie (I don't usually condone this, but we all know people lie to their partners in relationships, especially if they don't know each other very well), just keep it believable - say you've had a few flings over the years rather than claiming you have threesomes every single night, you know?  They'll probably believe you, then if it actually comes time to perform...well, let me put it this way, you would be amazed how many "studs" out there have absolutely no fucking clue how to please a woman in bed, so do your homework first and your partner may be pleasantly surprised that you even know what a clitoris or a g-spot is, let alone where they are.

  5. To me, FetLife comes across more as a site for people wanting to show off, satisfying their more narcissistic or exhibitionist tendencies, rather than anyone actually looking to hook up.  It may or may not have been that way when it started, I don't know for certain, but it's what it is now.

    You're better off looking pretty much anywhere other than that site.  You'd have better luck on the social media site formerly known as Twitter, or any of the other mainstream social media sites.  At least then you have a larger pool of users to draw from and thus, theoretically, higher odds of getting a response.

    On 1/24/2024 at 5:43 PM, BabyDreams said:

    The FetLife experience for initiating solely on the site is awful. If you're a woman you get a million messages, and 99% of it are dudes hitting you up for IRL meeting and casual sex, or rp/cybersex, or straight up opening with a full on sexual fantasy that you have a feeling was typed with one hand. And if you're a guy you send out a million well thought out messages with a decent profile to back it up, and you get a single digit response rate. Maybe one or two meaningful chats out of a hundred, and you know that you're one out of a dozen that's trying to rizz her up. So I don't really know if this is the place to cast nets as a fisherman, but might worth a try to put yourself out there. Just please don't put your genitals as your profile picture 😄

    And that's not even getting into all the catfishing.  Both sexes do it too.

  6. 10 hours ago, Gordonox said:

    It's not any worse than what all the MSM news stations did after 911. Showed the murder of thousands of people on a repeating loop. Traumatized a lot of kids.

    I remember that, and it wasn't just news stations, almost all channels, even children's channels, were co-opted for the broadcasts.  That was a very surreal morning...

  7. On 1/5/2024 at 12:42 PM, Brittanybunny said:

    So im a 24 year old girl, fairly young, and honestly too young (in my own opinion based on myself) to have low libido. 
     

    I used to enjoy doing omorashi stuff a lot more, and was an absolute horndog when i wasnt involved in pee play. My libido went away for the longest time in a past relationship due to personal issues and finding out about my clotting disorder, stopping estrogen based birth control pills and switching to non estrogen based, along with having to change a few things now in my lifestyle.

     

    living now in a new state, life has gotten better, however i do have depression here and there that comes in waves, which i know can trigger lower libido. I am generally happier in life though. I go out and explore more, ive gotten to do more things, and tried stuff in life that i never done. However, despite the good, i still have a hard time just naturally getting horny again like i used to. A few years back id get off 5-6 times a day, giving my hand cramps honestly from how much i did it lol.

     

    Now im trying not to rely solely on pee to strive my pleasures because i dont want to rely on a kink to get me off. I still like omo, but i know by the time that i one day get married, its not easy getting everyone into your kinks, and i may have to live without someone who is into it, which for me, is ok. However, it means i need to look at someone and be turned on by thoughts other than omo scenarios and im not sure how to do that as ive never had that before, and im not sure if its my lack of libido or just im overthinking things

     

    Long story short, has anyone else felt this way and has found things to increase their libido? Whether it be a technique or supplement or anything?

    I hear Vitamin E can help, so some supplements or eating more foods that have a lot of it (i.e. oysters, which is the source of the claim that they're an aphrodisiac) might do you a bit of good.

  8. Want my advice?  Try sublimation.  Take up a hobby and whenever you feel a craving for something, instead do something else.  Eventually you'll train your brain to associate the dopamine hit you used to get from responding to your addiction with whatever hobby it is you've taken up.

    Forgot to add something earlier.  Speaking from experience, this does work.  I took up miniature painting/tabletop wargaming as a hobby around the time I decided I wanted to lose weight.  Whenever I felt hungry when I shouldn't, I'd take one of the minis I'd acquired and I'd paint it until the hunger stopped.  Paired with altering my diet (and a bit of medication), I've lost about 70 lbs this way in the last year.

  9. Ultimately it's up to you whether you want to have sex or not, even if you're a man, don't let anyone tell you differently.  It's also, imho, generally a good thing not to sleep around excessively anyway, that tends to invite problems like STDs, risks of unwanted pregnancies, and other things you're really better off without (nothing against those of you who do so, just understand that you're taking a lot of risks if you don't stay exclusive to one partner at a time).  Better to get too little action than to get too much and wind up with a problem that's not so easily fixed.

      

    7 hours ago, RTY1 said:

    Having not had any intercourse before myself (I'm 32), there are a couple of positives here that I like to think of.

    Firstly, the younger and faster you go into it, the more impulsive and awkward and unknowing it's likely to be. Those youngsters whom I've enjoyed an open dialogue with often have reported that, on the female side, their boyfriends rarely if ever pleasure them successfully, and on the male side, they're happy with the pleasure they receive without thinking much about whether their partner has truly received the same. There's more ego involved than mutual pleasure. From that unhealthy attitudes or ideas get developed or fueled, and it takes longer for both to enjoy sex to its greatest fulfillment. From what I've heard/deduced. Obviously I don't mean to suggest that's every teenager.

    Secondly, you get time to mature and refine what you can learn about it as you prioritize other things than losing your virginity. Having female friends as a male is an awesome advantage. Having women feel comfortable around you, willing to be open, is a great privilege because you can use that wisdom in your own attitude and comfort when it does eventually happen. Not having actual sex doesn't fully demystify it, sure, but having a good idea of what women experience and take from negative sexual experiences, and what they like, is a good primer to the respect, compromise, and communication that goes into it. Not just about sex itself, but the circumstances around it too, like contraceptives and power dynamics. I've only gone so far as oral and sleeping with a woman, and that was only last year. My body had other ideas when it came to 'arriving' for intercourse. I didn't feel any childishness or embarrassment or self-pity. Instead I just went with the flow and had a gentle milestone of a night with someone who got to enjoy an orgasm or two on my behalf. Had I been 19 or 20, I might have felt all sorts of negative feelings. I certainly have over the years, like I'm 'behind.' But what I make up for given lack of experience is healthy consideration, better respect, and helpful knowledge as a guide. I think and hope I have a better attitude towards it.

    Also, western media is sex-obsessed. What Hollywood comedy doesn't have a main character who gets the girl or into her pants? In what Michael Cera vehicle does he not lose his virginity? Forget those. Read some good books. The Joy of Sex is informative. Make lots of female friends first if you haven't. Do that, and having your first sex won't be like the movies at all. It shouldn't be. Be you.

    Oh, also: Far fewer men have had sex than you think. No one likes to admit after age 18-22 that they're still a virgin. While the odds may be in their favour generally, they're certainly inflated to a good degree. It's not easy to get anywhere because we let Tinder and other apps do it for us rather than learning how to explore and converse and have interests to make us interesting to others. But that's my view.


    TBF to the guys, I find that women don't always communicate clearly when it comes to sex.  We don't read minds, ladies; no, we won't "get the hint", we're not wired that way, especially not aspies like myself.  If you want us to do the most effective job of getting you off, give us some honest feedback.

  10. The AI's a bit finicky, but honestly not too bad.  It does seem to have difficulties parsing some more elaborate descriptions.

    It could be useful as a basis to write a story from, but obviously one would need to do a lot of editing.

    Oh and the site throwing a fit if you try to get too saucy is really annoying.  On the other hand, I've found it's not too difficult to work around, especially if you phrase your prompts more...clinically.  You can get some surprisingly lurid results if you know what you're doing, to my pleasant surprise.

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