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sycamore

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    they/them

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  1. Yesterday I had my first experience with any sort of public desperation, so I thought I’d share. I had a pretty busy morning yesterday, but by lunchtime I was free for the rest of the day. I started my afternoon with a quick lunch and a glass of water, then moved on to doing some household chores. I had just used the bathroom before lunch so I didn’t really feel the glass of water even after an hour or two. I took a break from my chores and had a glass of lemonade and maybe half a glass of water before resuming them. After another 45 minutes or so, I started to feel a slight pang of need in my bladder, but it wasn’t too bad and I continued sweeping. I have a small bladder, so even though I hadn’t had very much to drink yet, over the next half hour my need started to intensify as the liquid moved through me. I was definitely beginning to become a bit distracted from my chores by my rapidly filling bladder, but it wasn’t bad enough that I considered going to the bathroom just yet. Once I finished my chores, I sat down and had two more glasses of water. Then I decided to go out to the store. While I’ve definitely had my fair share of experiences of desperation and wetting at home, I’ve never had the nerve to try anything more public. But I needed to pick some stuff up for dinner, and I was curious to try something new. So I gathered my things, slung my backpack over my shoulder, and I headed out. There’s a grocery store not too far from where I live, so I usually walk if I don’t expect to leave with multiple bags of groceries. As I began walking, though, I began to feel my bladder ache with each step as my belt pressed up against it, and began to wonder if this whole expedition had been a good idea. By the time I got to the store, I could tell that the last two glasses of water were beginning to get through me, and I was getting very nervous. I decided to make this ill planned trip as quick as possible. I checked my shopping list and made my game plan. The covid precautions complicated it a bit, since the one way aisles made it harder to plan the fastest possible route through the store. I rushed through the produce section pretty quickly, but then I got into the main aisles. The canned foods and soups aisle was pretty empty, so I headed down that way and picked up some pasta. I got to the end of the aisle, pausing six feet behind the lady in front of me to let her finish her browsing and move on (social distancing, folks!). I waited. And then I waited some more. Was this woman really checking every single tomato sauce can in the entire store? What was she even looking for? I slouched a bit over my cart and squeezed my legs together, trying to look as nonchalant and bored as possible while my desperation increased. As I crossed one leg over the other, I noticed some man walk up to the woman in front of me and strike up a conversation with her the best tomato sauce brands. No!! Here I was trying to get out of the grocery store and get myself to the bathroom and I find myself stuck behind some people having the most ridiculous and trivial dilemma, unable to turn back because the aisle was one way. After an agonizingly long time, they moved on from the aisle and I sped out. I rushed to get everything else and lined up for the self checkout, trying not to squirm. Then it happened. I felt a small dribble make its way out of me. I tried to keep myself from panicking and tried appear calm as I made my way to the machine. I unloaded the groceries from the cart, attempting to focus on checking them out as quickly as possible as my full bladder pulled at my attention and distracted me. As I bent down to get the items from the bottom of the cart, the shift in position put pressure on my bladder and forced out another small drip. I hurriedly got the last items out of the cart and scanned them. As I pulled out my card to pay, I could feel that my underwear was slightly damp. I finished paying and picked up my backpack, relieved to finally get out of the store. Then I noticed that, in my hurry, I had missed the small bottle of hand sanitizer in the corner of the cart. I stifled a small scream of frustration and put my backpack back down. I picked up the hand sanitizer and scanned it, feeling another dribble make its way into my already damp underwear. I payed and shoved the bottle into my backpack, hoisting it onto my shoulders and speed walking out of the store. As I walked through the parking lot, I could feel pants pressed uncomfortably tight against my bladder and I let out another leak, slightly larger this time. I was very desperate at this point, and as I made my way home, I could feel the damp denim of the wet spot in my jeans grow slightly bigger every few steps and I prayed that no one I passed noticed. When I finally got home, I paused on the doorstep, fumbling with the lock. I was really beginning to shake and sweat now, and as my bladder sensed it was coming closer and closer to potential relief, it began to become harder and harder to hold on. I let out a larger spurt this time, and yet another one as I burst through the door. I tore my shoes off, aching for relief, but then I realized that I had ice cream in my backpack. It was quite hot out yesterday, and since I walked home, it had to get into the freezer right away. I ran into the kitchen, practically throwing the items out of my backpack onto the counter as larger and larger spurts came out of my exhausted bladder. I stripped off my pants, trying to stop them from becoming completely soaked. Not a good move. My bladder could tell now that it was close to relief, but it wanted it NOW, and the loss of the fabric pressing up on it between my legs was too much for it. Piss splattered out of me through my underwear, pattering as it hit the floor. I sank down onto my knees, feeling it puddle around me as my poor bladder burst from exhaustion. I sighed in ecstasy as it poured out of me, soaking my underwear and spreading across the floor. The relief was heavenly. The streamed slowed and I laid down on the floor in exhaustion, too tired to move out of the puddle as I relaxed and enjoyed the utter relief of letting go. hope you guys liked my first post!! Also I am non-binary, but the tags wouldn’t let me chose that 😞
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