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RagingPython

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About RagingPython

  • Rank
    Bursting
  • Birthday 08/14/2000

Personal Information

  • My pronouns are..
    she/her

My Kinks

  • I'm into..
    Bathroom Control
    Crossdressing
    Cuddling
    Immobilization
    Master / Slave
    Pleasure control
    Public humiliation
    Sadism / Masochism
    Tomboys

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  1. Oh, I’m so exhausted right now... I was fine all day, but then about half an hour after I got home, I just had to lie down before I collapsed. It was so sudden, one minute I was a little tired by alright, the next I could barely stand.

    Now, I feel so weak and fatigued... I’ve just lost all my strength, I can’t stand up for long without support, even holding my iPad up to type this makes me arms hurt. I’ve been lying down in bed now for a couple of hours, and the effects seem to have lessened, I’m a little more capable than I was earlier, but I still don’t know how much more my body can take.

    I feel more frail than I’ve been in years, it’s like every has had the energy drained out of it, and all my muscles are left powerless.

    At least I don’t have any kind of headache; I did earlier but it’s gone. I tried to do some writing on the forum both yesterday and the day before, and I was prevented both times by some of the worst migraines I’ve ever had.

    I’m so tired though... part of me just wants to curl up and sleep. It’s unusual, it’s not mental exhaustion, it’s physical fatigue. Usually my CFS causes both, so I wonder what’s going on today. Nevertheless, I think I’ll all right tomorrow. Or at least, I hope I am... I’ve had a lot of close-family-related matters to worry about these last few days, and usually after too much stress or anxiety I start getting those horrible dark thoughts again...

    I can make it though this, that’s what I need to keep telling myself... I can do it.

    1. Futons

      You can do it!

    2. Red Simpson

      You have got this, you're strong and amazing😊

    3. Apertado

      (You can do it!)²

  2. I was a really mess earlier... I’m mentally fine for once, but I was feeling so physically awful. Everything hurt. My head, my eyes, my ears, my limbs, my joints... it was really bad. But that wasn’t the worst, I couldn’t even see properly. My eyes wouldn’t focus, everything felt like it was moving, like the world was jumping around. I always get a bit of movement, like high contrast edges, fine detail, and text, none of them ever keep still, but this was way worse.

    It kept getting worse, everything got blurrier and blurrier, before long I was seeing two sets of everything, and afterimages whenever things moved. I was also seeing things flicker, and there was a layer of noise and grain. I could barely make anything out.

    It wasn’t just a visual issue, it felt like the whole world was spinning and moving, and I couldn’t stand properly. I had to leave class and head home, I just couldn’t take any more, and barely managed that. When I was at home, I just ran to bed and had to lie down until I had regained some strength...

    Now it’s mostly better, so as I’m feeling oddly happy, I’m thinking I might write the next part of one of my stories on the forum tonight, as I haven’t posted anything in ages.

    I wonder why I keep having so many health problems recently. When I’m not feeling horribly low, I’m suffering from a physical health condition, I even managed to have my first panic attack in 5 years... I wish I knew what was going on with me...”

    1. Red Simpson

      I'd help you futher if i could i want to help you more than just giving you words of encouragement i just want to help you more is what I'm saying 

    2. Apertado

      I hear you, this last few weeks have been rough on you girl, but keep up the fight, I'm sure you can endure whatever this bad luck season throws at you. You are strong enough!

      Here in Brazil we have a saying that goes like "there is no good that doesn't end, neither evil that lasts for ever" (não há bem que não se acabe, nem mal que sempre dure), so hang tight, better times are coming. (By the way, now I notice that I should have asked that before, do you speak Portuguese? You have mentioned spending vacations in Portugal, so I should assume you speak it at least a little bit?)
       

      Hope that you have a better day tomorrow!

    3. RagingPython

      Thanks guys! I have had a better day, and I’m not going to give up just yet.

      @Apertado

      No, I don’t speak Portuguese, other than a few words. You would’ve thought I’d have picked some up after going there on holiday every year for 20 years, but no.

      @Red Simpson

      Aww, that’s really nice. It makes me happy to know someone would go that far to help me... even just knowing that and hearing your encouragement is great though.

  3. Oh god... I don’t even know what’s happening to me right now. I can’t explain it. I don’t know how. I honestly have no clue what I’m feeling, or why, and it’s horrible. I was so happy after having two good days, but now... but now I don’t know what I’m going to do. Even when I was feeling lower than ever, I was able to hide from my problems, to run away and pretend they weren’t there, just for some temporary respite, but now I can’t do that; I don’t know what I’m running from.

    This is worse than anything else. Worse than the self-hatred, worse than the emptiness, worse than the hopelessness, as I don’t understand it. Even on October the 1st, where I felt the lowest I have ever felt in my entire life, I understood what was going on, and why (to an extent) but now I don’t even have that. It feels like there’s nothing I can do, no one who can help. I don’t know what I’m feeling, so there’s no way I could tell anyone. Even before, while I lacked the courage to tell anyone, I always had the option, now I can’t even do that. I’ve never felt this helpless.

    I don’t know why this happening to me. I don’t even feel like I’m myself anymore, just an observer. My body just seems to move by itself. I can’t think properly, everything is clouded by noise, and every thought is being drowned out by a million others. I want it to stop. I want it to end.

    I want it all to end, the stress, the worry, the fear, the pain, the hatred, the confusion, the despair... I can’t take it anymore! I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!

    Why is this happening!? I thought I was finally getting better, but now it feels like everything has come back, even worse...

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. RagingPython

      Thanks! I need to stop internalising things and sharing my troubles with others, but it’s just... I don’t know to tell them... If I ever really need to, I’m sure I’d find a way.

    3. MasterXploder

      If talking directly to someone is a little too much, maybe try using other tools? There's a phone app called Sanvello that's made for helping people through anxiety, depression, stress, etc. It can give you a lot of useful tools and techniques, plus you can talk to other people using the app. The important thing is to keep trying and moving forward, even if it's just in baby steps.

    4. RagingPython

      I still feel like I’d have trouble, even telling someone over the phone... I’ve never been good at explaining things, or asking for help... especially about emotional stuff or mental health.

      I’m even pretty bad at just understanding my own feelings, thoughts and emotions... quite often things will stress me, or worry me, but I won’t think about it, I’ll internalise it so much I don’t think about it. While I can sometimes manage... other times it becomes too much and it overwhelms me... and makes me feel worse than I would normally. I think it all can be traced back to when I was 4, some really traumatic stuff happened to me and it’s affected my emotional and mental understanding and stability ever since.

      I’m trying to hide my thoughts less though... it’s really difficult to lie to people and pretend it’s okay, even when I’m suffering horribly... so although I don’t have the courage to tell people properly, I’m not keeping it all in anymore; acting more natural.

  4. I’m sorry, I know I said I’d write one... I just haven’t felt up to it yet. I’ll try to get it done soon.
  5. Everything seemed like it was going well a couple of days ago, but it’s just all taken a massive nosedive...

    It all started with the 8th, where I was constantly stressed and worried because I’d had to change my routine significantly as I needed to visit the opticians. I ended up out of comfort zone all day, and I couldn’t handle it all. It seems simple, just changing a day’s schedule, but it’s not for me... it’s the worst part about the autism + anxiety combo, stuff like this can be a nightmare.

    Despite that, I think I would’ve been able to cope, if I hadn’t made some mistakes with timing, leading to me missing some important things. That was when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was incredibly stressed out, I didn’t know what I was going to do or what was going to happen, as things weren’t going the way I’d planned today to go, and it wasn’t helped by some horrible part of my mind repeatedly reminding me how stupid I was, and how everything that had gone wrong was my fault.

    I ended up giving up on everything I wanted to do that day, post opticians, and went home to cry in a ball and hide as soon as possible. I calmed down later, but I wasted an entire day because of it. The worst part was, I knew that on the 9th, and indeed for the rest of the week, I was going to be doing a lot more schedule changing and stressful events, most of which I was worried about.

    So on the 9th, I woke up, feeling astronomically tired as I’m suffering from insomnia now, which is triggering my CFS again. I can’t say exactly what happened in the morning, but it was too much for me to handle. There was an argument... a lot of shouting on both mine and the other side’s part... and I just ran for it. I wanted to run and keep running, to get as far away from my problems as I could.

    But that was the issue. I couldn’t. Because I was the problem. I was the cause. It was all my fault, everything that happened that morning, everything that had gone wrong, it was all my fault because I’m a terrible, useless, waste of a person who has achieved nothing but ruin people’s lives for the last 20 years.

    Or at least... that’s how I felt at the time. I know it’s not true... I know I’m not like the way I feel I am sometimes... but there’s this part of me even now that feels like it’d be better for everyone I care about if I wasn’t there to get in the way of their lives, and that I’m the cause of all my issues, whether I like it or not.

    I was scared, lost, confused and I felt more alone than ever before, and I effectively had a full-blown panic attack. I didn’t know what to do or how I was going to do it. I ran as far as I could away from my house, and found somewhere to hide for a while... and after a few hours I felt strong enough to face my anxiety and go back.

    I then went to university for the whole day. My though were still clouded, and I wasn’t thinking properly, everything seemed so dark and negative, but that same negative part of myself was the reason why I insisted on going to my classes, I didn’t want to be anymore of a useless failure than I already was.

    It... was a lot like on the 1st, which to be honest I don’t really want to think about even now... I had the same thought process, the same ‘realisation’ that I was the cause of my problems, and those of everyone I cared about, and the same phase of horrible thoughts about how I didn’t deserve to live, or even to exist...

    I don’t know why I felt like that, but I don’t want to feel like it again... I hate it! It’s horrible! It’s the worst feeling in the world. I never want it to happen again. Not now, not ever...

    I’m starting to worry that I don’t know what I’m going to do. Everything seemed to be getting better, but then it collapsed again... it’s just to much for me to handle right now, everything’s so complicated and scary...

    I just want this all to be over...

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Red Simpson

      You should be able to find a box set on Amazon it's such a funny show

    3. RagingPython

      Alright! Sounds fun.

    4. Red Simpson

      I....desperately need to pee i only just woke up but omg my bladder is soooo full

  6. So... before I start this, I feel like I should repeat what I have said in a few threads: I’m really shy. Sometimes. It depends on how I’m feeling, but even when I’m feeling my best, I really struggle with starting conversations. Recently, I’ve been having worse problems with this than usual, and I haven’t really spoken to many people; I’ve just been by myself. The Story: (Part 1) In university today, I had a large mug of tea before leaving for my afternoon classes. I was smart enough use the toilets beforehand, luckily. I went off to my first class with a thermos full of the equivalent of another large mug of tea, and sat down. Throughout the next class I drank the thermos of tea, as well as drinking from the bottle of water I carry everywhere with me. By the time came to move rooms for the rest of the afternoon, about 2 hours, I had to go. Kinda bad. But I thought I could manage, and I’ve been deliberately testing myself more by going longer between each bathroom break, especially in the afternoon where if I don’t go before leaving, I usually get a great desperate experience at home. I set off for the class, passing a set of toilets on the way. I felt a twinge as I walked past, but I ignored it. In this class, I was seated right next to my crush, and we were surrounded by a few girls we were friends with. She was much more friendly with them than me though, as she can start conversations easily without worrying endlessly about what everyone is going to think and how they'll react. About half an hour in, I felt the urge grow massively, going from a little uncomfortable to highly distracting, although I could resist it still. It stayed at this level until I was about 75 minutes into the 2 hour lesson. When it got worse, it pushed me up to a 6/10 level, which for me means when the urge is constantly on my mind, and I can only hold on by moving my legs around or holding myself occasionally. It was getting harder to ignore, but I kept trying to work. At 90 minutes in however, it was getting very hard to focus. I was constantly fidgeting, although I tried hard to stop myself, as I was at a quite bad 7/10. For the last 10 minutes, I was into 8/10 territory, focusing at all was impossible. My mind was consumed with how badly I needed relief... But I couldn’t go. If I left my seat to go to the bathroom, my friends... and my crush... would ask where I was going, and I wouldn’t be able to explain where, it’d be too embarrassing. I was worried about how they’d react, and I knew they’d want to go with me because too many girls seem obsessed with that... I didn’t think I could do it. Especially not in front of my crush, it’s hard enough to act normal around her already. I thought I could endure it until the end, and luckily I was able to. My crush and friends left before me, as they had to drop some coursework off. I’d sent mine in already, and I pretended to be filing up some notes or something while my friends left, meaning I could walk off to the bathrooms on my own. I picked up my stuff, and left, trying to resist my desire to hold myself to suppress the need to pee. I kept my legs as close together as I could without looking suspicious, and reached the closest bathrooms: Out of order. Typical. My bladder ached at having it’s plans for release postponed, and I had to find another set. Unfortunately, they had a huge queue, so I squeezed my legs together for a moment to alleviate the need for a bit and went looking for some more toilets. When I finally found some without a queue, I eagerly ran towards them, only to encounter my crush walking towards the girl’s room from another corridor. I quickly stopped running, and tried to hide my desperation while she stopped and approached me. ”Hey, Rosalynne! Were you just heading for the bathrooms?”, she asked me. My face went red upon just hearing the question. It’s worth mentioning here that my feelings for her are more than just that of a schoolgirl crush, I really, absolutely are completely in love with her. I can’t focus on things when she’s too close to me... I find myself watching her whenever we’re together... I want to make physical contact with her whenever I can, even though I’m too shy most of the time... it’s so hard to talk to her too, my anxiety just goes mad; if I do something to make her not like me, I think my heart would break. ”I-I-I... u-uh... n-no!”, I insisted, before taking a moment to regain my composure, and continuing: “I-I was just... just walking past...” ”Oh, okay. I was considering going myself. I haven’t been all afternoon!”, she said to me, doing a comedic fidget to exaggerate the situation. I tried to stop myself blushing, but with limited success. ”I think I’ll wait though,”, my crush said to me, “I can manage until I get home, and I really don’t like public toilets.” ”Okay.” ”Actually, before you go Rosalynne, do you want to go shopping? Me and a couple of other girls are going to town.” Despite the fact that my bladder was telling me that I should under no circumstances say yes, and should focus on getting home to pee, and that all my social instincts where telling me to say no and run away and hide before I said something that would ruin my chances with her forever, I blurted out: “Y-yes! I’ll go sh-shopping...” ”Great!”, my crush replied, “The others’ll get here in a minute.” End of Part 1 I wasn’t going to make this a two parter, but it’s 1AM and I need to sleep. This first half took longer to write then expected. I’ll write the rest in tomorrow, by editing the post if I can.
  7. Today was probably the best day I’ve had (where I’ve actually been to university properly) since this whole mental health episode started a couple of weeks ago.

    I had a slight blip in the morning, I was really worried about everything and quite tired, which was made worse when I messed some stuff up at university; but I was able to keep myself stable by continuously telling myself the opposite of what my mind was thinking; I wasn’t a terrible person, I didn’t ruin everything for everyone, I could make mistakes and that was okay.

    After that, I was fine for the rest of the day. I really feel like there’s no where I can go but up now, and that I’m properly getting better. I think the 1/10/19 was the peak, and now that that’s over I’m recovering. The few days off I took helped too, I’m sure.

    Thanks for all the support I’ve been getting guys, part of me still feels that I don’t deserve all of it, but I’m sure it’s mostly down to you guys and your supportive comments that I’ve been able to cope with all this.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Red Simpson

      I'm glad you think I'm not being forward i was a bit worried i was because when i have offered my number before I've been told that it's a bit too forward so that why i was worried I'm quite happy to give it to you now so you have it but if not I'll respect that decision😊

    3. RagingPython

      You can PM it to me if you want. I’d need to find my phone before I could put it in though, I almost never use it.

    4. Red Simpson

      Ok I'll pm you my number😊

      I'm going to sleep so ring me if you're feeling down

  8. RagingPython

    Ever been caught desperate and denied you need to go?

    That’s the second time someone has told me that had to use a bush in this thread. How strange. Maybe I’m the unusual one for not having to use a bush; most of my friends and family have had to now that I think about it.
  9. I really don’t feel good right now. I’ve been great all day, but I don’t really know how to describe how I’m feeling now.

    It’s like... being cold? But it’s not a physical thing, it’s more like a mental feeling. It’s really hard to explain... it’s almost like feeling kinda... empty. I don’t want to do anything, I can’t find any reason. It’s like I can’t find any motivation; nothing matters, there’s no point to anything.

    It really doesn’t sound bad on paper, but actually feeling it is awful. Recently, I’ve often found myself feeling hopeless and like I don’t know what do, but this is like a completely different experience. The absolute worst bit is that I can’t even explain how awful it feels.

    Hopefully it’s gone by tomorrow... I don’t want to feel it anymore, I hate it.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. RagingPython

      It’s fine, you do more than I was expecting to receive when I first started posting about my problems on here. Just being able to come home after a bad day and read supportive messages is really nice.

    3. Red Simpson

      I'm happy I'm able to help and support you 😊

    4. Apertado

      Glad to know today was a good day! Keep it up, you will win this fight!

  10. So I was just watching the Grand Tour right, on Amazon Prime, when completely randomly in Season 3 Episode 11 they decided to make the three main presenters do a time trial race while bursting for the toilet. No really. I wanted to post it somewhere just for the sheer bizarreness, and as it’s video-related this seemed like the best place. I’m pretty certain there’s a clip of it on YouTube too, hosted by Amazon.
  11. RagingPython

    Live Action Omorashi

    Oh man! That was amazing! I lost it in the end, it just felt too good for me to do anything other than just enjoy it! I need to completely change my bedcovers and everything, but it was was worth it, total time without peeing: 15 hours. Wow. I need to do this more often, there’s something about that amazingly daring & risky feeling about deliberately not going in the morning.
  12. RagingPython

    Live Action Omorashi

    Ahh... it’s getting too much, lying on my back, it’s almost impossible to stop little spurts getting out. It’s like the pressure has moved from the bladder, down to my crotch, where it’s trying to force it’s way out of my urethra. It’s only by rubbing and squeezing my legs, while also pressing down hard with my hands that I can keep it in reliably, but I don’t think it’ll hold much longer, my dam is gonna break, my floodgates are being pushed open. I can only really manage if I lie on my front and keep stimulating myself, but I’m near climax and I don’t think I’ll be able to cope afterwards...
  13. RagingPython

    Live Action Omorashi

    That’s what so hard... I get so into it I can barely focus on anything else, the urge to organism just becomes overwhelming.
  14. RagingPython

    Live Action Omorashi

    Thank you. You’re right. I should control it, not me. If I want to keep it in for the rest of the day, it will! I won’t go, not yet. No matter how painful and stretched it gets... ooh... just thinking about it makes it harder. I’m going to keep doing so if I can.