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rebeljaffa

Soaked Member
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Status Updates posted by rebeljaffa

  1. I need to break this new habit of going out for beers.  I can't do it like I used to!  I only went and pissed myself again.  By the time I blurted out that I would have to wee in the hedge it was way too late, I was already losing a lot of it just trying to undo the stupid button fly!  Note to self, less beer and get jeans with a zipper!  It's a good friend (and he's also kinda my boss!) who doesn't point out one's pissy jeans!

  2. "Yellow River, Yellow River

    is in my mind and in my eyes"

  3. I have been accused sometimes of acting like the world revolves around me, but I know it doesn't. It revolves around the sun, which shines out of my backside! 

  4. In Britain we call it a lift, but Americans call it an elevator.

    I guess we're just raised differently.

  5. In the pub last night I was drinking - a lot - and trying to keep up the conversation (and not 'break the seal').... I suddenly realised time was up and quickly excused myself, however I could feel it starting to trickle as I walked through the bar to the toilets... Spent the rest of the evening conscious of damp denim.  I walked back to a friend's house afterwards and on the way I thought I was going to pee myself again but I made it there.  I had to excuse myself straight away but while I was fiddling with the bathroom door and my button jeans, it happened again. Said my goodbyes and the 15 minute walk home was chafing...  I've got to go back this morning to pick up my car, hope I didn't pee on their floor or anything and that nobody realised I started to burst 🤷‍♂️

  6. Why do you spell dark with a c, not a k?

    Because you can't in the dark!

    1. Hon3y

      Nice materials for r/dadjokes

    2. rebeljaffa

      That's probably where I got it!

  7. Toilet jokes aren't my favourite kind of humour

    But they're a solid number 2...

  8. Just to let you know, Gary Numan is 13 days older than Gary Oldman.

  9. You probably haven't heard of the film Constipated because it never came out. 

    1. sleeping_cat01

      I heard there was a shortage of hands on some project because the studio was trying to master Bait at the same time, but I didn't know the project was titled Constipated.

    2. DesperateJill

      And the sequel Diarrhea, by contrast, basically just flowed right out.

  10. I thought I would share a bathroom joke with you all...

    Why were there balloons in the bathroom? There was a birthday potty! 

    You're welcome!

     

  11. A farmer had only had 48 cows on his property, but when he rounded them up he had 50.

    1. DesperateJill

      Took me a moment to get that one lol.

    2. sleeping_cat01

      must've taken the farmer a moment as well if two of the cows calved during the round-up

  12. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

    1. sleeping_cat01

      Leftly so! About time you showed that cross Rhodes, alright.

  13. Over my eleven years at omo org I never had a single downvote, to my knowledge (because I'm amazing, naturally!) so to get one from an actual friend who could have just nudged me to tell me my comment was wrongly pitched (I actually agree!) or that they didn't understand it (I agree!) is incredibly annoying (even though proportionally in the grand scheme it really shouldn't matter 🤷‍♂️)

    Look - just because we do omo we don't have to be weird...

  14. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.'

  15. I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system...

  16. Trying to keep control walking into Sainsbury's for a much needed pee!

     

    1. DesperateDawn

      Oh I wish I had been a shopper in that store 😍

    2. rebeljaffa

      Think you'd have noticed? 😉

  17. Disappeared down the rabbit hole of browsing Reddit pee personals.

  18. Wondering why having a wee in Sainsbury's seems to be more satisfying than a wee in Tesco...

  19. In what key do cows sing?

     

    Beef flat!

     

    You're welcome!

  20. There are two good reasons why you shouldn't drink from the toilet... Number one and number two.

  21. Happy Birthday to me, I really need a wee... 🎵🎂🚽

  22. Lucky escape again.  Had the fullest bladder known to humankind and started peeing at the first opportunity.  Then I woke up!  Still with the fullest bladder known to humankind.  Experience has taught me that another few moments of that dream would have seen to my bedding.  As it is I'm feeling around not quite believing that some of those satisfying blasts of pee from my dream didn't actually happen. It all seems dry but I'm sceptical...

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