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rebeljaffa

Soaked Member
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Status Updates posted by rebeljaffa

  1. I'm going to tell you a story...

     

    I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped, and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I don't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let's say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

     

    Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those big cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend.

     

    Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together, leaving me behind without so much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

     

    In conclusion, if it hadn't been for Joe with his cotton eye, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. rebeljaffa

      Let him in. I haven't got a wife to steal, or much of a home, because of Joe! 

    3. sleeping_cat01

      One mystery still remains:

      Who is Joe?

    4. rebeljaffa

      I don't know, but he rode through the fields so handsome and strong.  His eyes was his tools and his smile was his gun. So you can keep a lookout for that.

  2. Have you heard the rumour about butter?

    Actually, never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

    1. sleeping_cat01

      Well, you can try, but I've already heard it:

      The thing about butter is
      that it's
      spreadable.

      (crickets)

  3. I've posted this status before.

    It's a weepost. 

    1. sleeping_cat01

      You 😢weep😭 what you 😋show👁️

      ( on the Internet, because it'll be up somewhere forever )

      (( I don't know, does that work grammatically? ))

  4. According to Facebook, on this day in 2013 I had "the best wee of my life!" Well that is a bold claim! 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. rebeljaffa

      Ah @Racergirl1404we may never know.  I think I had been driving for a long time as that was usually what used to cause me the most desperation.  Driving for a living back in the day.  But it obviously was a good pee even compared to other desperately needed pees and I clearly wanted even my Facebook friends to know it!  (None of them liked, commented or added any other reaction at all!  What kind of people are they??!)

    3. Racergirl1404

      Not Omo lovers, apparently 

    4. rebeljaffa

      I wonder, statistically speaking, thinking probabilities, how many people must one know IRL before somebody is going to be interested in a desperate wee status?  

  5.  

    Nurse: "We need a stool sample and a urine sample."

     

    Man to wife: "What did she say?"

     

    Wife to husband: "They want your underwear."

     

     

  6. Where is the best place to go pee?

     

    IP Address...

     

     

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. rebeljaffa

      Fear not!  Even those who "got it" didn't laugh!! 😆 

      Possibly the worst joke I ever told!

    3. Messy Gardy

      Wait... I... P...

      OHHHHHHHHHHH!

    4. rebeljaffa

      Yeah but doesn't redeem it! I feel shame!

  7. When you really have to pee, you're Russian to the bathroom, when you walk out, you're Finnish, so what are you while you're inside?

     

    European!

     

    I'll be here all week!

    1. sleeping_cat01

      and when John can't go, he's Norwegian

  8. I'm not even going to start on the campsite porta potties 🤦

  9. @DesperateJillwill be interested to know that at the Formula One the lines for the men's toilets were LONG!  I don't think they were as bad at the ladies' but they were bad enough to be stressful. My party and I were having to seriously plan ahead around this!  It's never been that bad before. They attracted the largest attendance ever but left the toilets as they were... 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. rebeljaffa

      I thought I had it in a video but it doesn't show well. I'm just looking through everything I've brought back. Obviously it's difficult to film people at the toilets!  If you ever do go, don't wait until you're bursting before you leave your seat!

    3. DesperateJill

      A bad quality video is still better than no video, you should share it! I always start looking for a toilet long before I'm desperate, women who don't do so at their own peril!

    4. rebeljaffa

      I would love to be there with people who's desperation I could enjoy (not meaning to diminish the family experience I had!) and the miserable 4G didn't help as we couldn't even talk to coordinate!  Next time there should be 5G... I was supposed to be taking a girlfriend before we broke up in spring, and that would have added a dimension! 

  10. Try as I might, I cannot get this site to work on mobile network due to HSTS/certificate issues.  I've tried everything I can think of or find on Google 😬

  11. Probably had to rely on voice search...

    FB_IMG_1653328820098.jpg

  12. The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people

    1. sleeping_cat01

      That's some breaking news right there.

      I hear they sponsor a Master of Medicine programme, the renowned InURMoM.

  13. I just want to point out that I was born on a Friday 13th. Superstition isn't my thing. Therefore the fact that the day hasn't worked out so far is not because of any silly spooky voodoo. It's because I walked under a ladder and bad luck comes in threes.

    FB_IMG_1652436641154.jpg.d90dfcb12068388d857b19bee3566dab.jpg

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. DesperateJill

      I had a cousin was born on the 13th and he's been mostly lucky, except for the time his idiot friend accidentally shot him in the face while playing with guns, but he had no long term damage from that, which considering he got shot in the face, still kinda lucky!

    3. rebeljaffa

      @sleeping_cat01Walking under a really bursting full bladder?  I'll take that chance... 

      @DesperateJillThat must be a million to one!  Of course I was born on Friday 13th so long ago that it hadn't really been invented...

    4. DesperateJill

      In spite of being shot in the face he really was extremely lucky, as the odds of getting shot in the face without having severe long-term damage I found are one in 200 and he is one of those lucky few I guess. In fact considering that everybody I know has chronic health issues, is single and lives in poverty, the fact that he is healthy, married and in a good job probably makes in the luckiest person I know, all things considered.

  14. Sixty percent of the time it works every time!

  15. Why are elevator jokes so good?

    Because they work on many levels... 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. rebeljaffa

      Of course!  

    3. rebeljaffa

      Sometimes DesperateJill isn't desperate, so you'd be WasDesperateJill, or GettingDesperateJill. Maybe Empty forNowJill and many others!

    4. BabyDreams

      Because at the end of their run I feel like I pee a little? 🤔

  16. My toilet is sort of broken!  I've got somebody fixing it in a few days, but for now you have to mess about to get it to flush.  I need to get me some visitors so I can tell them to try not to use it!  "Would you like another drink?" 

  17. I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

    He said "Thanks."

    I said, "Don't mention it."

  18. My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.

    But the librarian asked me to take it out. 

  19. Taylor Hawkins was the best drummer in the world 😥

  20. Just to be stubborn I waited till the last second but didn't even quite  get to the sink, let alone the bathroom without some dribbling.  Oh well!! I was trying to get off on a full bladder but there comes a point where it's so full that it doesn't work and it's suddenly like... Quick!  Give up and GOOOO! Oops.

  21. Need a piss! I'm not even into my own desperation, but I'm so unbelievably lazy sometimes so rather than go upstairs I'm just squirming the evening away!  Don't be surprised if I pee in the kitchen sink later.  LAZY! 

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