Ethi 538 Posted November 6, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted November 6, 2019 This is my first attempt of a series of short stories I plan on making, if the feedback is good I'll be motivated to write more! Also this helps me become a better writer, I hope to one day be a pretty popular writer on here, so let's see! (This will be a fiction series) On a bright sunny morning of November the sun was shining brightly through kaileys blinds as the alarm on her phone was going off. "Ughh.." she groaned and stretched checking the time and she wasn't late, thankfully, yesterday she woke up 20 minutes late and barely made it out the door, but she wasn't letting that happen today. She got out of bed and took off her pink pjs and took off her plain white panties and threw them on the floor and grabbed a pair of adorable pink panties with little white hearts all over them and she matched that wonderfully with a pink bra, and while she was checking herself out in the mirror she held her Crotch and groaned "gotta empty the morning bladder" she said to herself and put on a black skirt that went quite a bit above the knees.. but she didnt care, she liked the attention and, deep down occasionally she would like to tease the guys that tried to look up her skirts, she found enjoyment in that, she also loved the fact that she was absolutely beautiful and claimed to be the most beautiful girl in grade 11, her luxurious blonde hair captured the attention of most guys, and she always made it soft and wavy in the morning so it flowed beautifully down her back and shoulders, her eyes were an ocean blue and her face was soft and cute, she was pretty curvy and she also had a set of nice breasts which she took pride in greatly! After she emptied the main drain she sighed in relief and got to getting ready and soon she was out the door! She said goodbye to her parents and went on with her day and met her best friend Jessica down the street and they hugged and bounced up and down, kaileys skirt bouncing up and down with her opposite body movements and they giggled and chatted the whole way on the bus, the 2 girls were both beautiful, both blonde and both kinky, making a perfect little friendship. They arrived to school and kailey went to the cafeteria and got a milk to start her day and they walked throughout the school before finding a spot to sit for the next 20 minutes before the bell rang, they chatted and giggled the whole time as kailey drank her milk and Jessica sipped her coffee Jessica saw under the table that kaileys legs were spread and she saw her panties "nice pink panties, they look adorable on you" she said and kailey giggled wiggling on the seat keeping her legs spread, not afraid for people to see "Thought I'd tease a few boys today and give them something nice to look at" she giggled and kept them spread out as guys looked at her but not up the skirt.. yet. The bell rang for first period and the girls waved goodbye, kailey was starting her day off with English class, followed by Math, 2 classes which which she was pretty good at.. she pulled out her big water bottle and set it on the very right corner perfectly of her single desk and pulled out her textbook and she remembered 'oh shit, I've got a science test 4th.. I completely forgot' she thought and twirled her thumbs in her beautiful silky hair.. the day dragged on and she kept drinking from her bottle, filling her bladder, she didnt have a really big bladder, so 4 little bottles of water was enough to fill her little bladder. When it was lunch time a few hours later, she was studying for her science test, she was with Jessica again sitting outside as guys walked by and she had her legs spread and guys walked by looking and peering up and she giggled, but Jessica noticed that she was squirming pretty badly "Kayls?" "Yeah?.." she said and turned her legs facing her and tightened her big thighs together "You gotta pee?" She smirked and leaned forward looking up to her on the table, kailey blushed with a red hot face "Maybe.. yes very badly, but I've gotta study for this damn science test, and I cant miss out or I'm just gonna forget" she said whining a bit letting out a whimper which turned Jessica on and she reached up her skirt and touched herself briefly lining the squirming and whining "Mhm, well go use the bathroom you've still got 5 minutes" she giggled and kailey nodded and went to use the bathroom, and when she found it and went inside all the stalls were full and there was girls waiting right in line 'oh my God are you fucking kidding me..'she said and left and went to get her stuff and Jessica was there on her phone "better?" She asked smiling "The bathroom is fucking full" kailey groaned and got her stuff and put it in her bag "Well the bell is gonn-" and as Jessica said that the bell rang and kailey groaned "Mr Macdonald better let me piss.." she said "If not you could go in your panties" Jessica said giggling "No, that's disgusting I dont wanna ruin them and thats so embarrassing" kailey said bouncing up and down squeezing her thighs "Suit yourself" Jessica said and walked off and kailey thought 'Why would she want me to wet myself?.. that's so weird surely it must feel so gross, what a weirdo' and she ran to the last class with her legs clenched and got in her assigned seat right on the middle row on the far left side of the class and set her bag down And when the bell for class rang her teacher walked in and closed the door and passed out the tests to everyone and when he stopped at her table she tapped his shoulder "please.. may I use the washroom?" She said and he shook his head no "You had your chance, so hold it" he said and went and sat at his desk "You may begin" he said and everyone put their heads down and started and so did kailey.. she was so desperate to go she could burst right there, and she still had an 1:15 to go.. she had to try and hold it as best she could.. Midway through the test she was just over halfway done and she was really really needing to go.. and she had her left hand shoved up her skirt clenching her panties, which were surprisingly still dry. But then she let out a leak and she felt a tiny little wet spot which didnt bug her but it meant she wasn't able to hold for much longer.. and she kept on holding it. Throughout the class she kept leaking dampening her panties a bit and she started to panic 'no no no no.. this cant be happening' she said so faintly and let out a spurt into her panties and she whimpered.. they were pretty damp, she lifted up her skirt slightly and saw they were still bright pink except where her bum was, she could feel it being a bit wet and it was warm.. and she enjoyed the little warmth and there was a little bit of a darker spot near the bottom of the chair and a tiny little puddle on the chair 'I cant.. I cant hold it much longer, this is gonna be the end of my life' she said and let out a leak on purpose to see if would relive stress and it didnt.. it made it worse and she grinded her teeth and set her pencil down 'fuck it.. I've just gotta go..'she said and inched forward and lifted her skirt a bit so it wasn't under her ass so it wouldn't get wet and she slid to the back of her chair and rolled her skirt up so her panties were fully visible and she groaned before a loud hissing sound came from her panties, the golden fluid gushed out at a million miles an hour splattering into her oanties causing a loud hissing sound and the splattering of the pee on the floor was loud and she hit her head against the desk and started to cry loudly as it continued to flood out of her, she could.feel her panties getting absolutely destroyed by the hot piss as it spread up the front of her panties and the back.. she continued to pee at full force for about half a minute before it dripped off the chair and the hissing stopped and all that could be heard was the faint cries from her and her skirt flopped back down covering her panties slightly.. they were so warm.. and wet they clung to her soaked pussy nicely but this was a horrible spot to have an accident and she looked down while sobbing her tears adding to the puddle which spread under the whole table to the chair infront of her as it dripped from her chair still.. "Kailey go to the nurse, and take your stuff he said and she packed up leaving her test on the table.. when she walked she left a few dribbles in the hall from her still drenched panties and she sat in the nurses office and called her mom and she rushed to pick her up and soon she got ther and she hopped in the car and rolled up her skirt to inspect the damage and.. it was bad, the front of her panties were drenched, only having a small untouched bright pink spot near the top and the patch up the back went about 2/3 of the way up her ass, and sat back and thought to herself 'that.. didnt feel that bad.. it was just a horrible time, maybe ill try again.. I dont know' Once home she showered and put on a new pair of white panties and threw the drenched pink ones in the wash, and she plopped her pink pjs again and googled "wetting" on and incognito tab and found articles on peeing yourself and why it feels so good and she browsed and browsed before closing the tab and laying down "I'll try it again tomorrow" and she closed her eyes and took a nap To be continued?.. Mrgala21, sammilove, OmoJack and 9 others 11 1 Quote Link to comment
Melificentfan 1,215 Posted November 7, 2019 ✨ Legendary Member Share Posted November 7, 2019 This is a interesting story Quote Link to comment
DaveG 41 Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 For a first attempt that is excellent - both from yourself and from Kailey 😉 looking forward to reading more. Ethi 1 Quote Link to comment
AliasnameTO 335 Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 (edited) I'm on mobile so I hope you forgive me for not making a better review. But being passionate about both fiction and omo, I can suggest a few things. One, after you finish, optionally let the story sit for a few days then read over it very carefully. You'll catch more typos and areas where it doesn't flow well. For instance, your first sentence is redundant in describing the "bright" sunlight twice. You also have a habit of chaining clauses with "and" like five or more times in one sentence. Stick to once if you can; simplicity is your friend. I don't want to discourage you because the world needs more omo authors. But you'll be amazed at the things you can create if you put your all into it. 😄 Edited November 7, 2019 by AliasnameTO (see edit history) Ethi and wether 1 1 Quote Link to comment
The Dark Wolf 1,746 Posted November 7, 2019 ✨ Legendary Member Share Posted November 7, 2019 I love stories like this, where they not only don't feel too bad about a pee accident but think it felt good and develop an interest in it. While in real life it's a priority that they either don't really mind it too much or want us to enjoy it nonetheless, it's always nice to see in fiction as well. Also, I did some google searches like that as well a few days ago to see if there was anything on that outside of here. I've seen people ask on some sites why it feels so good or if it's unusual that they do that, and other people replying and being very open-minded and accepting of it. (or maybe they were into it themselves) Ethi 1 Quote Link to comment
Ethi 538 Posted November 7, 2019 Author Share Posted November 7, 2019 10 hours ago, AliasnameTO said: I'm on mobile so I hope you forgive me for not making a better review. But being passionate about both fiction and omo, I can suggest a few things. One, after you finish, optionally let the story sit for a few days then read over it very carefully. You'll catch more typos and areas where it doesn't flow well. For instance, your first sentence is redundant in describing the "bright" sunlight twice. You also have a habit of chaining clauses with "and" like five or more times in one sentence. Stick to once if you can; simplicity is your friend. I don't want to discourage you because the world needs more omo authors. But you'll be amazed at the things you can create if you put your all into it. 😄 Thanks for the feedback criticism is good and it helps me improve! Thank you so much 7 hours ago, The Dark Wolf said: I love stories like this, where they not only don't feel too bad about a pee accident but think it felt good and develop an interest in it. While in real life it's a priority that they either don't really mind it too much or want us to enjoy it nonetheless, it's always nice to see in fiction as well. Also, I did some google searches like that as well a few days ago to see if there was anything on that outside of here. I've seen people ask on some sites why it feels so good or if it's unusual that they do that, and other people replying and being very open-minded and accepting of it. (or maybe they were into it themselves) Still working on an idea for the next part of the story! Any criticism and suggestions for a new story would be greatly appreciated:) 12 hours ago, Melificentfan said: This is a interesting story Thank you so much! Quote Link to comment
OmoJack 95 Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 I am in love with Kailey already! Can't wait to read more. The way she was teasing boys with her adorable undies drove me nuts! I'd love it if she were to wear some cheap see thru leggings and flaunted another pair of cute printed panties underneath... Just a suggestion lol. Whatever u do just continue this saga! Great story my friend. Quote Link to comment
Ethi 538 Posted November 8, 2019 Author Share Posted November 8, 2019 8 hours ago, OmoJack said: I am in love with Kailey already! Can't wait to read more. The way she was teasing boys with her adorable undies drove me nuts! I'd love it if she were to wear some cheap see thru leggings and flaunted another pair of cute printed panties underneath... Just a suggestion lol. Whatever u do just continue this saga! Great story my friend. I'll take the suggestions into consideration:)) OmoJack 1 Quote Link to comment
DaveG 41 Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 I especially love stories that involve upskirts and flashing, so thankyou for that. Ethi 1 Quote Link to comment
Ishigreensa 224 Posted December 6, 2019 Share Posted December 6, 2019 I hope I don't discourage you because this is an interesting concept for the story, but I feel it was a little rushed and the details were not really explored to their full potential. What do I mean...? Well, I feel that you could had showed a little more teasing maybe having boys in her second or third class trying to get looks while she teased them with opening and closing the view on them, or maybe you could have had the friends actually have a conversation either on the bus on the way to school where they talked about something, anything, it didn't have to be important, the conversation lasting a little more than it seemed to. And you said that the mother came to pick her up, but we have no idea of what mom thought about what happened, or if she was okay with it because it seemed the mom's feelings and character was just skipped over, or maybe I read it wrong? These are just stated as maybe things to think about when you write again, about trying make your story more involved. I am sure you see something very specific, but since we do not share your mind or your thoughts, you have to help us visualize what you see, or we have to fill in blanks completely on our own. Not that there is anything wrong with that if that is what you were aiming at, but I didn't feel like that's what you were going for when I read the intent of the story. Thank you for reading my suggestion, and please do understand, it is not meant to say that your story was not good. Actually, I think your story idea is very good. I just think it has more potential, and I thought maybe you'd like to know how to get us more invested and involved with your main character. Anyway, thank you for sharing the story. Ethi 1 Quote Link to comment
Ethi 538 Posted December 10, 2019 Author Share Posted December 10, 2019 On 12/6/2019 at 6:00 AM, Ishigreensa said: I hope I don't discourage you because this is an interesting concept for the story, but I feel it was a little rushed and the details were not really explored to their full potential. What do I mean...? Well, I feel that you could had showed a little more teasing maybe having boys in her second or third class trying to get looks while she teased them with opening and closing the view on them, or maybe you could have had the friends actually have a conversation either on the bus on the way to school where they talked about something, anything, it didn't have to be important, the conversation lasting a little more than it seemed to. And you said that the mother came to pick her up, but we have no idea of what mom thought about what happened, or if she was okay with it because it seemed the mom's feelings and character was just skipped over, or maybe I read it wrong? These are just stated as maybe things to think about when you write again, about trying make your story more involved. I am sure you see something very specific, but since we do not share your mind or your thoughts, you have to help us visualize what you see, or we have to fill in blanks completely on our own. Not that there is anything wrong with that if that is what you were aiming at, but I didn't feel like that's what you were going for when I read the intent of the story. Thank you for reading my suggestion, and please do understand, it is not meant to say that your story was not good. Actually, I think your story idea is very good. I just think it has more potential, and I thought maybe you'd like to know how to get us more invested and involved with your main character. Anyway, thank you for sharing the story. I tried that's all I can say, I dont really have much motivation to make more so unfortunately dont expect much, my punctuation and ideas are just not great anyways, I've always sucked at English, thanks for telling me Quote Link to comment
WetDave 650 Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 3 hours ago, ethanboi_i said: I tried that's all I can say, I dont really have much motivation to make more so unfortunately dont expect much, my punctuation and ideas are just not great anyways, I've always sucked at English, thanks for telling me Don’t be discouraged. I quite enjoyed it. Keep writing! Quote Link to comment
Ishigreensa 224 Posted December 11, 2019 Share Posted December 11, 2019 23 hours ago, ethanboi_i said: I tried that's all I can say, I dont really have much motivation to make more so unfortunately dont expect much, my punctuation and ideas are just not great anyways, I've always sucked at English, thanks for telling me Actually, your idea was really good. Your punctuation was not hard to follow at all. What I am talking about it less grammar oriented, and more detail oriented. It's up to you, but I feel like you could really make something that would involve your audience a bit more if you took a step back, looked at the story again, and tried to proof read it as though you don't know what the characters are about or what is going on, until it unfolds in the story. If nothing else, maybe get someone to proofread your ideas for you. I know for an erotic story, that might be harder to do, but what you could do, is write out certain smaller scenes to show someone that you wouldn't mind reading that scene. Then later, you can go back and add in the erotic stuff that you wanted after you have the scene set. I really hate to think that you were discouraged or don't want to try this again. You really have a good idea. You don't have that many grammar problems with this story. I just feel hungry to see a bit more of your world you are trying to create around your characters and get an insight into their minds and motivations. Quote Link to comment
ashnacamon 171 Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 The hyper wetting tag is not appropriate here. It’s a common misconception of its definition, though. Although the story isn’t my thing, it looks like pretty solid Omo.org content. 🙂 Quote Link to comment
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