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What happened to Kurutsuki?


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I have reason to believe that he has died.

A while back his pixiv account was nuked, stayed nuked for a while, then came back for a week or two. It had a little bit of (old) art uploaded to it, but nothing really happened on that front. The account stayed open for a couple of weeks, I believe.

While the account was open, he uploaded two messages to the account through whatever blog-like feature pixiv has. I ran them through Google translate so that I could read them, hoping that they'd at least explain his prior absence. The messages turned out to be dark and unsettling, and even through Google it was obvious that he was not mentally well.

His account has since been deleted again, of course, and the messages vanished with it. I didn't save them or back them up anywhere - why not, I don't know. But if someone somewhere does have them saved, a thorough look through them with a proper translation would almost certainly tell us everything we need to know about where he is now.

And until that happens, and unless someone here by some miracle has been in contact with him since then, I think it's safe to say that he will not be coming back.

A more optimistic opinion is that he's currently receiving treatment and deleted his entire online presence for a fresh start elsewhere. But I don't think that's particularly likely.

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It is really sad, that suicide is the new disease of the century, I really am sorry for this, I can not imagine how sad and suffering can feel a person who blames himself for just being alive, and who prefers death, I hope he has not died  and that he can find treatment and help.

I just ask all those who read this, understand that depression is not a joke, a person with suicidal thoughts is not trying to get attention and get popularity, they are not been " pussy ", words like "be a man" are no solution.

 

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6 hours ago, AkenoSama said:

I just ask all those who read this, understand that depression is not a joke, a person with suicidal thoughts is not trying to get attention and get popularity, they are not been " pussy ", words like "be a man" are no solution.

While speaking words are no solution, being a "man" instead of being a "pussy" actually helps, but only during the initial stages where the person in question can still build up a drive from doing something. I cannot aprove of his feeling against being born against his wish. I've never asked my parents to be born either, yet without them I couldn't exist. And after being raised by them, I owe them at least 18 years of taking care of them. More if I want to, but no less. The same goes for everyone. One should never cease to exist jist because of that.

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Humans don't do well without a purpose in life.  Having a job and money isn't enough. Pursuing pleasure and distractions isn't enough. You have to have some kind of work that is meaningful for you.

I would imagine that in Japan, It's particularly hard being depressed. From what I understand there are very few resources for people who are depressed.

Therapy can help you find your purpose, and help you understand what things in life you need to fix to become better.

Medication can give you the breathing room necessary to actually get up out of bed and pursue what you find meaningful.

But if you just take the medication, go to therapy, and continue to stay in your room hiding from the world, you will never get better.

...I know this from personal experience...

If you don't know what meaningful work is to you, keep going to therapy until you can figure it out. Talk, talk, talk. Your heart knows what it wants, but your brain cannot act on it until you talk enough to articulate it properly.

If you know what is meaningful work to you, but you just can't get out of bed still, try a different medication. Again and again, until you find one that works. You will know when you find the right medication for you. It's the one that will make you stop and say "So this is what normal people feel like all the time..."

It may seem like depression makes you weak. It does not. Depression is a tremendous weight upon your shoulders, and anyone who carries a heavy weight becomes strong. You just cannot see your own strength, because right now you cannot set down that weight. But if you work at it. If every day, you find one single thing you can do, (no matter how small or insignificant it may seem to be) to bring order to the chaos of your life, and allow you to seek your true purpose, you will slowly begin to cut the ties that bind you to your depression.  It will fall away from you, and you will find yourself bulletproof to all the things you once feared.

It DOES get better, but you gotta do the work. Maybe that seems unfair to you, Maybe it is, but that is the hand life has dealt people like us. We get dealt a lifetime of suffering up front; If we do not let it crush us, we break through it, and get to see the world in a staggeringly wonderful way that people who have it easy will never get to experience.

I've always loved cowboy bebops music. When I was in the depths of hell, I clung to it almost religiously, knowing it held truths of vital importance to me, If only I could figure out how to DO something with that truth. Dozens of medications, and a lost decade later... I was finally able to break down that door, and I now see the world with a clarity and point of view I never imagined possible, and I am eternally grateful I never gave up. 

You can do it too. I promise you it is true. I promise you that you are stronger than you think you are. I Promise you things will get better if you do the work.

See you around, space cowboy.

 

 

 

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On 6/5/2019 at 10:58 AM, AkenoSama said:

It is really sad, that suicide is the new disease of the century, I really am sorry for this, I can not imagine how sad and suffering can feel a person who blames himself for just being alive, and who prefers death, I hope he has not died  and that he can find treatment and help.

I just ask all those who read this, understand that depression is not a joke, a person with suicidal thoughts is not trying to get attention and get popularity, they are not been " pussy ", words like "be a man" are no solution.

 

The suicide rate in Japan has actually been dropping for several years. It peaked during the 1990s recession.

South Korea and Russia are much worse these days, especially for elderly men.

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