Recommended Posts

 Maddi reluctantly rose from her bed. To her surprise, her bladder was already full. She absentmindedly looked at the clock. “Oh no!” She exclaimed, throwing on her school uniform. (A short skirt and long sleeve sweater) As she pulled on her tight skirt, she noticed the bulge in her bladder. “I really need to go...” She mumbled. “I’ve have no time though! I’ll miss the bus! Isn’t that worse?” She tried to persuade herself not to rush into that bathroom. Maddi is a stubborn girl, so she bolted past the bathroom, squeezing her thighs together when she heard her older sister peeing inside. She walked out the door, struggling to keep her pee inside.

She climbed up the stairs to the bus to sit alone in the back. “I don’t want anyone to see me squirming...” She thought as she walked down the aisle. She made sure her bag covered the seat next to her. She felt nudges to her bladder, and tried to ignore them by watching the passing cars. Everytime the bus made a stop she had to hold her bladder harder, as the pee sloshed around. After 10 minutes of crossed legs, pressed thighs, and hands in the crotch her school was in sight. Relief washed over her and in that moment of distraction a little spurt stained her skirt. “Cmon Maddi, keep it together,” She whispered.

Before the exit to her school, the bus pulled to the side of the road. The bus driver announced that the bus had a flat tire, and that it would be around 30 minutes until we could get back to school. A wave of desperation hit her and she squirmed so much in her seat she could swear she was shaking the bus. “Mnnh... I can make it,” She told herself.

Little leaks while the bus had been repaired turned her blue skirt to navy when the bus finally pulled up to school. She tied a jacket around her waist and pushed through the crowd of kids, being careful to avoid elbows to the bladder, which would foil her whole plan. She anxiously dashed through the halls, ignoring the “No running!” from her teachers. She closed her eyes in relief as she walked into the bathroom.

She hit something. “Hey, watch it!” Exclaimed the girl in front of her. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Maddi quickly said. Maddi refocused and saw the huge line for the bathroom. She was on the brink of tears. “Today has been awful! I have such bad luck,” Maddi considered peeing in the trash can in the bathroom, but there were too many people for that. She pressed her legs even harder together as her bladder was betraying her. Maddie knew what was happening, and even her large bladder, hand, or stubbornness could stop her bladder from releasing it’s contents. Urine flowed down her crossed legs, soiling her skirt and tall socks. A loud hiss coming from her turned all eyes in that line towards her, some with sympathy, some with disgust. Her face flushed red as she tried to contain the stream, but it was just too much. A large puddle now surrounded her, as her bladder emptied it’s last drops Maddi began crying. Not full crying, just little tears. The girl in front of her stepped in her puddle, not seeming to mind, and put her arm around Maddi. Maddi’s face flushed red. She said, “Hello, I’m May. Do you want me to help?” Maddi was so embarrassed that this beautiful girl had to witness this. Maddi mumbled, “Only if you want to. I don’t want to burden anyone else,”. May smiled and gathered paper towels. She handed some to Maddi. Maddi started blushing hard, seeing May wiping up her own pee. 

When they finished, Maddi quickly thanked May. “No problem. I would want help if I were in your place.” May said. “That’s true. But still, thank you so much.” May looked at Maddi and said, “Hey, I think you are really cute and nice. Do you wanna go out sometime?” Inside, Maddi was freaking out. But on the outside, she said, “Oh my gosh! I’d love to!” May’s eyes brightened. “And if you’re with me, this won’t happen again,” Maddi smiled.

 

Hey! This is my first story! Feel free to give some criticism and tell me what you like ☺️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, largebio said:

Great story. Should be in the fiction section though

Oops! Just noticed that. So sorry ? ? I don’t know how to change it ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not bad, but there are a few ways to greatly improve:

- Could do with more buildup and description of the desperation.

- Dialogue should get its own line where possible, and different characters should have their dialogue on different lines.

- There are a lot of short and simple sentences when you could and should use longer and more descriptive phrases.

- There's a quite a bit of telling us what happens instead of showing us; we don't need to be told character traits or emotions, you can demonstrate those without stating them outright.

But, again, it's not bad, especially for a first. Just missing some important foundational stuff that would make it come off as a lot more professional, and you've already got a great advantage in that area by being fluent in the language so you're not making basic errors that make the thing unreadable. You can read it, you know what's going on, it just looks like you've never done it before - which is to be expected since that's true.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.