Ghostblade913 221 Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Everything’s made in China except babies they’re made in vaChina Slater 1 Link to comment
PPP 1,307 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Two men are sitting at a bar when a woman walks up to them. "What are you drinking?" she asks. "It's magic beer," says one of the men. "You drink it and it makes you fly." "You're pulling my leg," says the woman. "Don't believe me? Just watch this." The all go out onto the roof and the man jumps off. He falls for a second, but then soars into the air and does a couple of loops before landing. "Wow, that's amazing!" says the woman. She goes to the bartender and says, "I'll have what he's having." The woman drinks the beer, goes onto the roof and jumps off. Instead of flying, she drops like a stone. The second man turns to the first and says, "You're a real dick when you're drunk, Superman." Bothan1138 1 Link to comment
Ghostblade913 221 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Guy: What kind of porn are you watching Other guy: I’m a scat man ski-bi-dibi doo dop do da bop Link to comment
PWG 243 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 3 hours ago, Ghostblade913 said: Guy: What kind of porn are you watching Other guy: I’m a scat man ski-bi-dibi doo dop do da bop I need an angry laugh emoji. Link to comment
Ghostblade913 221 Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 (edited) *Ahem* a joke made by Shakespeare the very first your mom joke Edited January 17, 2019 by Ghostblade913 (see edit history) wannawatch 1 Link to comment
Dr. Philthy 97 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog. wannawatch 1 Link to comment
Ghostblade913 221 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 How much space will be freed when Britain leaves the Eu 1 GB Link to comment
Slater 167 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) Three men were stranded on an island when they were captured by cannibals. The men begged to have their lives spared. The cannibals agreed under some conditions. They had to go into the island jungle and retrieve 10 pieces of a fruit. The first man came back with 10 apples. The cannibals said that if he could shove up all 10 apples into his ass without screaming, yelling, or making a sound, that they would agree to let him go. "Alright. One, two, thee, fooooahhhh!" The cannibals killed him and set him to cook. The second man came back with a bundle of 10 grapes. They told him that if he could shove up all 10 grapes into his ass without screaming, yelling, or making a sound, that they would agree to let him go. "Alright. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, niiiaaaaaah!" The cannibals killed him and set him to cook. The first man saw the second coming up to him in the afterlife and he was confused. "You were almost done with the challenge to be set free. What happened?" The second man replied, "I was laughing because I saw the third guy bringing back an armful of pineapples." Edited January 25, 2019 by Slater (see edit history) Link to comment
Janiseguchi 74 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Here's a terrible one. What is the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after 3 ho's. *is shot* Link to comment
Aloe 580 Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change. SJC Omorashi 1 Link to comment
CGWmech15 185 Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere. desperatewet 1 Link to comment
Dimwitrolo 3,018 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 There are three ex-prostitutes at a bar. They're all quite old and have seen a lot of action, and they're talking about their experiences. The first woman says; "I've had so much stuff inside me over my career, I can easily fit a cucumber up there now." "Oh that's nothing." Says the second woman. "I've had so much jammed up there, I'm loose enough for a whole arm." The third woman says nothing, instead she smiles, and lets herself slide down the barstool. Link to comment
keyaru-sama 136 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Have you ever tried to eat a clock? They're very time consuming, especially if you go for seconds. Drakon 1 Link to comment
venus 2 65 Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 if your parachute breaks, don't worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it Link to comment
Wide 44 Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 Why do flamingoes sleep with one foot in the air? If they slept with both feet in the air, they'd fall down. Link to comment
Hetaliafan 12 Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 I made a website about orphans. It doesn't have a homepage Link to comment
BlueRaven 212 Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 (edited) So this atheist is hiking on a trail, being chased by a grizzly bear. Terrified and out of breath, he says, "God help me..." Suddenly, the world freezes, and God appears before him, asking the atheist "Would you be willing to convert to Christianity?", and the atheist replied; "Well, I've been an atheist all my life, so it would be a little bit two-faced of me if I did so. Actually, what I was hoping for is that the bear would convert to Christianity." And so God said, and there was, and he granted the atheist's wish. So the world unfreezes, and to the atheist's surprise and confusion, the bear drops to it's knees, put's it's paws together, and says: "Thank you Lord for the gifts we are about to receive..." Edited August 28, 2019 by Omofan556 (see edit history) Link to comment
M1ndblow 100 Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. Link to comment
Ms. Tito 1,569 Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 How does a Jew make tea? Hebrews it. DesperateJill 1 Link to comment
Recommended Posts