Jump to content
Existing user? Sign In

Sign In



Sign Up

A Yellow Swan Lake


Recommended Posts

I finally managed to read the whole thing. It was a real pleasure! I have a bunch of notes I'll try to cobble together into a meaningful review.

This story is just what I wanted, with a woman who looks elegant and composed on the outside but hides an embarrassing personal problem. It's great how you contrast her graceful professional dancing on stage and her disheveled pee-dancing backstage. Rachel's bitchiness was quite entertaining, especially the part where she described a hypothetical accident on stage. I also greatly enjoyed the part where she loudly relieves herself while Eleanore suffers outside the door. It's a trope I've always enjoyed in desperation stories.

Great job with the details of Eleanore's costume. Such a mental image! If I had any complaint it'd be that you don't describe Eleanore and Rachel's features. The actions and sensations are described well throughout, and the grand finale is deliciously vivid. The last paragraph was arguably unnecessary. It might've been better to just cut to black after Rachel's insult.

Here's my favorite sentence: "'That should be me!' she thought, as her traitorous bladder throbbed in agreement."

You have a gift for words. Thank you so much for applying your talents to my request!

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...