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****let me know what you guys think and if you want me to continue in the comments.**

CHAPTER 1

The funeral was for some old guy in the town that everyone knew.  Even for those who didn’t, they recognized the face in the obituary and could remember the fella from town events over the years.  Which is why his funeral was PACKED.  A line of people dressed up in fancy clothes was outside the door, that lead inside, down a hallway (which created a crowd in front of the bathrooms) and into the room for people to pay their last respects to the man in the casket who laid dead with a smile on his face though.  At least a hundred chairs were aligned in rows in front of the casket where people could sit for a while before they left. 

Ashely was a tall, tan school teacher with a swimsuit model body.  Her long black hair graced over her shoulders, and along with her white heels she wore a dark, SHORT green dress.  Her amazing legs from years of volleyball in high school and college made calfs no guy could look away from.  As she paid her respects and gave grace to the family, she knew her family would stay a while so she sat down.  It did not take long for a cute guy to sit next to her (hitting on someone at a funeral…what has it come to?) but as Ashley smiled, trying to enjoy the company, the three bottles of water she had during her workout were fighting to get out of her bladder.  She crossed her delicious legs tight.

Liz was a blonde girl and with her dark hair friend Avery.  Both had their hair in ponytails, but  wore different outfits.  Liz had black nylons over her nice legs with meat on them with her gray mini skirt.  She wore a purple sweater over it.  Avery got more casual sort of when dressing up.  She wore a blue dress shirt, black nylons that left her ankles and feet exposed (she wore dress shoes over them) and each girl held their hips and squirmed back and forth, as pressures in their bladders grew.  Why did so many girls forget to pee before big events in which getting to a bathroom would be hard?!?

Jamie had an athletic tan body as well, with long brown hair.  Her black dress pants were tight with white lines for design over them, and wore purple heels that matched the purple top she wore with the top buttons opened.  She waited for her friends to finish their respects.  She asked, “Can we go now?  I had to leave the office early, and didn’t get a chance to pee.”

Her friend said, “Jamie you always have to pee.  Cross your legs or something.  We’re going to stay and talk to people.  Next time drive yourself here.”

Jamie, annoyed, stomped her heel on the floor making a clicking sound that aroused a couple guys (and one girl) nearby.  Her tight, round butt had the pants ride up the crack just a little.  She placed her hands against her crotch, and someone poured water from a fountain into their cup which made her desperation grow a tad bit.

Just like all the other girls who were in their twenties, Felicia was as well, and very pretty.  Short, skinny, but had some muscle, and wore dark colors.  She had dark blonde hair that did not hand past her facial cheeks, black nylons on her legs, black boots, silver dress short that had short sleeves and went over the crotch, and a black jacket over it.  Having sat for a while with her uncle who ran the funeral home and was working that day there, waking up and showing up late, Felicia barely had time for a shower let alone a pee. Felicia sat with her hands in her lap, and barely felt the urge to pee.  She was mostly just bored and wanted to get up.  So she said she was going to the bathroom.  There was no work to do at the moment.

When she got there, she grabbed the door handle, but it wouldn’t turn.  She knocked, but heard nothing.  She figured someone was just taking time.  Damn place only had one bathroom for women, and another for men. Felicia leaned against the wall, hands in pockets, one leg stepped back against it, whistling as she waited.  With the water fountain nearby, people poured water into their paper cups and the stream made her pressure increase a little as she felt a couple small, but sharp pulses in her bladder.  “Can’t this chick hurry up?” she said to herself. 

Eventually, Avery and Liz lined up behind her, still moving their hips back and forth.  Ashley showed up not long after (having told the guy she be right back) and Jamie, who probably had to pee worse than all of them, felt a pulse rage inside her bladder that was hot and sharp every other minute or so.  She was annoyed four people were in front of her, tossing her arms in the air like, “Really?!?”  She tapped her heel, arms folded across her chest, and the girls waited.

LINE (front->back): Felicia, Avery, Liz, Ashley, and Jamie. (Felicia is in front, just to make sure 100% clear)

TO BE CONTINUED….

Edited by Rick Dixon (see edit history)
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CHAPTER 2

It had been just over five minutes since all the girls got in line.  At least six more people walked by and got water.  The streaming from the fountain making the five women uncomfortable.  Their faces scrunched as they squirmed a little.  Felicia blew her facial cheeks up with air as she took a breath, and her legs, with one foot still kicked back against the wall, squeezed together as she felt her need grow a little more.  She also felt her tongue become very dry as she did not even get to drink much this morning because she ran so late.  She filled up a plastic cup with water, bubbles blowing inside the blue gallon on top which each girl looked away from.  In spite of her situation, Felicia drank a full cup of water.  She filled it up again, and had another before crushing the cup in her hand.

Jamie, who was at the end of the line, oh poor Jamie.  She was bent over, hands in her crotch, turning red from the pressure and embarrassment as people walked by the area they were in, waiting for the bathroom.  Her dress pants stretched tight across her butt, some tan skin showing between her pant’s waist top, and below the bottom of her purple shirt as it moved up when she bent over.  A couple guys who walked by caught a glimpse as the struggling girl’s open shirt and her big breasts. 

Felicia knocked.  “Um, excuse me?” She asked, both shy and annoyed.  She knocked once more.  “Hello?  There’s a line out here.”

“We all REALLY gotta go!” Avery said fast with her hands pushing into her sides she her abdomen felt bloated and only expanding more.  Her forehead sweated, and foot tapped.  She grinded her teeth moaning, “errrrrggggg!”

Liz and Ashley had their arms wrapped around themselves as their legs remained tight together and their feet shuffled.  The person the funeral had been for was a well-known person in the town.  To leave before the end after everyone had said their last respects, and the priest gave the final speech, would be oh so rude.  But wetting themselves in front of the whole town?  That would be humiliation on an epic scale. 

“OooooOOOH!” Jamie screeched.  Her bladder was pushing out of her belly and crotch.  She could feel the pee boiling inside and knew she would wet her panties soon.  Her legs crossed.  “Oh, why aren’t they freaking answering?!?”

“I don’t know,” Felicia said.  She felt a little sweat on her forehead as the pressure in her bladder started to increase.  It was still only moderate, but maybe those waters were not a good idea. 

Ashley placed her hands against her crotch and bounced a little.  She really needed the toilet.  She motioned knocking with her hands and said, “Can you ask them louder maybe?”  She turned red, also feeling humiliated having to be reduced to this. 

Right before Felicia got to knock, her uncle grabbed her arm.  “Felicia.  I need you to help set up for something.  Come on.”  He pulled her along as the only word she got out was, “but-.”

With Avery next in line, she walked right up to the door, crossed her legs, on foot on its toes, a hand on her pulsing belly.  She knocked.  “Um, excuse me, but it’s time to get out now I think.  We all have to pee out here.  Please.”  She started to shake.  Each girl felt a strong, uncomfortable pressure like little toothpicks on fire digging into their lower bellies.  That instinct to let it out in a stream getting stronger. 

Jamie, bent over, hands in crotch, legs crossed, bouncing aggressively as someone got water from the fountain which made her sweat and turn red in anger.  “Oooooooh!  A, B, C, D, E, F G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, OOOOOO…” Jamie ran up to the door and knocked without stopping.  “Ok, come on, come on, come on.  I really gotta pee out here.  Hurry up!” Her feet shuffled back and forth as she started to lose control. 

 

Felicia helped put the portrait back up that had fallen.  It was heavy and was a two person job.  However, as she lifted it, the weight put strain on her bladder that made her need to pee even worse.  “Dohhh!” she whimpered.  Her desperation now a hot, heavy pulse that put a physical and emotional pressure on her.  “Is that it?”

“Yes.  Thank you sweetie.”

Before she turned around she asked, “Hey, someone might be sick in the ladie’s bathroom.  No one is answering when we knock.”

“Oh I locked it. Sorry, but it was out of order.  The plumbing to that toilet was messed up.”

Felicia’s heart froze.  “But, um, but, where are we supposed to go?!?”

“Just use the men’s room,” her uncle said.

Felicia rubbed her hands down her face in annoyance.  She stomped over back to the girl who were all out of the line and pushed up against the door banging, dancing.”

“Hey!” Felicia yelled, as they turned around. 

Jamie was bouncing uncontrollably in place.  “I’m going to have a freaking accident!”

Ashely held her crotch against her dress shifting her hips left to right as her feet shuffled.  “I-I-I’m not gonna last much longer.”

Felicia pointed with her thumb down the hall.  “It’s out of order.  The men’s room is still opened though.”

The other four girls sprinted past her with Jamie in the lead, knocking poor Felicia over which only rocked her bladder even more. 

Jamie raced down the hall, her feet aching so bad in the high heels.  She slowed down as she approached the bathroom, opened, toilet in few, she felt relief and smiled…then, the other girls pushed past her, making her spin around, and Liz got into the bathroom, shutting the door.  Ashley was next to go, being pushed from the back by a squirming Avery who was about to explode, and just as Jamie started to walk sad to the end of the line, Felicia raced past her yelling, “Me first!” But was now behind the two other girls, stomping her foot in annoyance and desperation, waving her fist in the air. 

Jamie looked in disbelief as she felt her bladder expand her belly out in a major pulse, legs kept tight with her knees turning inwards as she squirmed. She was ready to cry, then felt a tiny SPURT escape. She turned red and grunted.

Liz meanwhile on the inside pulled her nylons and skirt down, opened her legs, sat on the toilet and let it flow out. She dropped her jaw, letting out a sigh of relief.  The loud peeing only made the girls outside the door who heard it jealous and more desperate.

LINE: Ashley, Avery, Felicia, and Jamie.

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

**hope this is good enough and I should continue?  I've gotten insults lately my stories were not very good anymore and I don't know things....**

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10 hours ago, Rick Dixon said:

I've gotten insults lately my stories were not very good anymore

Tell those naysayers to go fuck themselves (if you haven't already). You're a damn good writer and their opinions are worthless. If they have a legitimate criticism about your writing and it's not meant to help you improve, then they have no business saying anything.

Yes, you should keep this going. I do think, in my opinion, that a little more proofreading could help to improve the quality of your writing a little more, but aside from a few minor errors with grammar and punctuation, it's still a very enjoyable story. If you would like assistance with this at all, then please don't hesitate to ask.

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This story is off to a great start so far. You do a great job of ramping up the tension for each girl in ways that feel natural and contribute to a compelling narrative.

Also I'm always impressed, both with this story and your other line waiting stories, with how you manage to keep track of each person's situation and present the story in such a way that the reader is able to easily keep track as well. 

Keep up the good work! I'm excited to see who else, if anyone, makes it, and who doesn't. Its certainly not looking good for poor Jamie.

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Chapter 3

 

"Ah, ah, ahhhhhhhhh!" Felicia squealed as her bladder pulsed as a guy nearby slurped on his ice coffe.  The drips on the outside of the cup, seeing them made Felicia shake.

"Oooooh!" Ashley said as she bounced and held her crotch.  She shut her eyes praying for Liz to hurry up.  She knocked, asked in a begging tone to hurry.  Liz replied that she was trying,.but it was hard to go knowing people are right outside the door possibly listening.

Jamie was last in line and had to go the worst.  Her bladder felt like it was literally about to explode like an over inflated balloon.  She was bent over with her legs crossed in an x-shape formation.  The poor, cute brunette felt her heart beat so face she felt on the verge of a heart attack, sweating, shivering and couldn't breath.  If she didn't pee soon, the next things needing a funeral were going to be her pants and her reputation.  Oh the impending humiliation!  

Jamie walked to the front and started to bang on the door.

"No cuts!" Said Avery.

"I...I" Jamie mumbled her words, unable to focus and form complete sentences.  "I REALLY have to go I'm...s-s-sorry I can't hold it anymore!"  Jamie felt as if someone was pumping more and more into her expanding her out and the stretch on her muscles and skin hurt like hell.

"Don't care" said Ashley.  She pushed Jamie away just as Liz walked out of the bathroom.  Jamie held onto Ashley's arm as she tumbled away and  Avery ran in, shutting and locking the door.  She made it.  "Son of a...look what you did!"  Ashley kicked her in the bladder and Jamie let a spurt out as the heel contacted with her belly.  Like a bullet ripped through her causing her muscles to shatter.

Jamie bounced foot to foot, her purple heels clapping on the floor.  Crying.  "Oh come oooooooooonnnnn!"  Then she turned to the line and had a panic attack seeing Ashley in ththe front, Felicia behind her, then two more girls behind her.  Jamie had to wait even longer now!

to be continued....

 

sorry for for short chapter.  Next will be longer 

Edited by Rick Dixon (see edit history)
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3 hours ago, Rick Dixon said:

Can I ask, why do you always say “damn....poor so and so....love story” every time.  I appreciate the compliment but just a little odd it’s almost exact same words.  

 

I don’t mean to offend.  Just wondering.

I do not know why I always say that I mean it's hard for me to think of anything else to say 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Chapter 4

Jamie was bent over in utter agony.  She literally felt like a cow who had not been milked in months and whose utter was ready to explode.  Except she was not filled with milk...she was filled with pee!  At this point her belly visibly stuck out from under her shirt.  She had a pee gut and was shaking.  She kept her legs and heels crossed over each other which made the tight black dress pants with white lines stretch over her ass.  So sexy.  Yet poor girl.

"W-w-why?!?" she shrieked, feeling the massive pulses beating one after the other as if someone took shots to her belly.  It was even getting hard to breath.  

As the door opened, Ashley was about to enter, dancing in place while her arms wrapped around herself, and Jamie ran up to the dancing girl pushing Felicia and the other two back.

"Hey!" said Felicia.

"Ashley, please, please, PLEASE!"  Jamie was on the verge of a heart attack.  "I...I can't stand it anymore.  I feel like I'm going to piss my pants any moment.  I really, REALLY need to go, please!"

Ashley, almost in tears (for herself, not Jamie) "Yeah but I got to pee too!"

"We all do!" everyone turned to Felicia who started to speak.  She had her arms tight against her sides with her hands digging in her jacket pockets.  Her feet shuffled in place as her legs squeezed together.  "I feel like I'm about to explode."  Felicia started to sweat.  Things were getting serious for her now as well.  She regretted having that water earlier when she first got in line.  "You have to wait!"

"I CAN'T!" Jamie yelled.  She tried to rush in, but Ashley pushed at her.  They started to slap each other on the face, boobs which wiggled when they did, and being covered in sweat only made this chick fight that much more sexier.

"Chick fight!" some guy yelled, and about a dozen other came around and watched the desperate girls on the verge of explosion slap fight.  

Ashley lifted her long, smooth, tan leg and gave a quick kick, but Jamie caught it, and tried to pull her away from the bathroom door.  Ashley grabbed onto the sides of the doorway, and pulled in.  Felicia got between them, bouncing as seeing the toilet in full view only made her desperation worse.  

"Break it up!" Felicia said.  The struggle pushed at Felicia who fell backwards and banged her head and went unconsciousness.  

Ashley and Jamie each felt like their bellies were about to explode.  The uncomfortable, agonizing pressure made their skins stretch and muscles sore.  Ashley could not even stand up straight anymore.  Using that to her advantage, Jamie cried, but went against the heavy pain of her own bladder and headbutted Ashley against the wall, then leaped into the bathroom closing the door.  

Ashley grabbed the handle, jaw dropped and in shock.  She started to knock.  "Let me, I gotta go, I gotta go!"

But Jamie pulled her pants down.  Her panties down.  Tears flowing down her face, unable to know if this was real, she sat down and opened her legs, and "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she said peacefully as her bladder deflated.  The pee stream poured into the toilet, splashing all around as the rage of the stream was so big.  It was like she was letting out weeks of loaded up things that just all got out of her at once.  She almost didn't make it, but she kept peeing and peeing, so much and so loudly in went on for over a minute.  

Ashley covered her ears from outside the door and was doing a potty dance.  That's when her mom came over and grabbed her arm.  "Ashley, sweetie.  You promised the reverend you would give the speech before we depart to the graveyard."

"Isn't that Felicia's job?!"

"Yes.  But, you knew the deceased and volunteered with him at church before.  Come on."  She pulled her daughter away not knowing the pain she was in.

Jamie flushed after the longest pee anyone ever took, and opened the door after washing her hands.  "I feel like a new freaking woman."  She smiled.  Dry pants and panties.  The others two girls in line went after each other.

 

Not long after, Felicia woke up, and looked around.  She saw everyone crowded in the room.  "What...what am I doing on the floor?"  She had forgotten everything.  She headed over bypassing the unoccupied restroom with the toilet free and right there.  She stood next to her uncle and hands against her stomach folded as in prayer, oblivious to the raging explosion about to take place in her bladder since her mind was elsewhere ans she forgotten.  She looked and saw poor Ashley struggling.  That's when it hit her..."OH!" Felicia remembered.  She felt her bladder wide out and rock hard.  "E-excuse me uncle, I gotta-." He pulled her back.

"Just be polite and wait."

Felicia's legs were wobbling with knees turned inwards as she shook and held herself.  "How polite would it be if I exploded pee all over here?!?"

People shussed her.

"And with that...I...I" Ashley felt herself losing control.  Sweat poured down her face as she felt her panties becoming moist...but not from the sweat on her crotch.  "I...I..."She tried to hold her legs together, but it was no use.  She looked down and panicked when she saw the stain growing across the crotch of her dark green short dress.  She tried to head for the bathroom, but too late.  A stream started to pour out of her, right there in front of everyone.  Some sighed, some were astounded, many giggled.  Streams flooded her panties and went down her legs and made a huge puddle on the floor.  She covered her face as she turned red in great embarrassment.  

Seeing the girl have an accident, only made Felicia's desperation so much worse.

 

to be continued...

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