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Advice...simple hints on how to broach the subject.


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2 hours ago, LOLC2k said:

Holy crap, I missed that entirely, Bunny.

Seek help, OP.

I screen shotted it and underlined it, so in the beginning it was the idea to bring up the subject of wetting by talking to his former student about a friend from Uni that had wetting issues, then the girl heard this and began opening up about her bedwetting I problems and saw him as a nice person for helping her open up and be more relaxed about and see him as a caring person, yet right at the end said “even if your university friend is imaginary”.... but when everyone questioned it all, he said the old uni friend was real and did confide him.... so now this girl sees him as caring and she told him something personal because of a lie, thats super fucked up, i hoped this helped clarify everything to everyone including @KozmoFox as well

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Edited by Brittanybunny
Misspellings (see edit history)
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I'm not an English teacher, but I am probably more qualified to be that than anything else I do well. I'm sorry it had to come to this, but I am going to grade your paper. Because they are so common, all incorrect ellipses will be replaced by a large bolded and underlined number representing how many dots have been removed. Keep in mind I am only pointing out misspelled words and grammatical errors; there will be no suggested revisions to the base structure of the essay.

 

Quote

Why, thank you for picking me up (incorrect usage of term) on my English.  I use this style 5 on many forums, 5 and It works because I don't usually have to mention that I am an educator.  3 remember that first and foremost I would be teaching you 3 How to get that very important job, 5 How to make a very good presentation, that people don't fall asleep in, and actually walk away remembering the presentation, 3 and most importantly remembering the 'presenter'.  How to project yourself among your co-horts. (sentence fragment)  Some of you would probably be shocked at how much will be paid by Multi-National Corporations to have their up-and-coming stars trained in these ways.  pick a wild number out of the air and they will pay it. 2 $$$$ (incorrect usage of non-specific amount of money) per hour, it would bring tears to your eyes.  My accountant said "don't think about it, just bank it, it paid for that expensive new off-roader didn't it?"  Things that were taught to me by a couple of the world's best Armed Forces, I make my money from. (incorrect sentence structure) Most of the other guys I knew, went on into the personal security industry. (excessive spaces) Yes, I do teach people how to construct a CV that will not go straight into the trash like so many do, 4 so the English I teach (double space) in that case has to be perfect down to the last dot and comma. 3 learn to forgive my idiosyncrasies.  I also spell most things the English way but use Americanisms such as 'Trash'. 2 there is an old saying: "When you take your sick car to the Mechanic, see which is his car, it will probably be a trashy heap." (excessive spaces) KozmoFox (no space), you are probably right. 3 in the future I will not ramble on and keep any advice down to a bare minimum. 4 my methods have worked for me for many years. 6 The main gist of my rambling was to give advice to the shy younger people on how to go about talking to a prospective partner. 2 I know how hard that is, I went through it and it was hell. I missed the whole 'teen Love' thing, but like how some people have a 'revelation' about god or some other thing, mine was how to speak to girls about anything. (excessive spaces) Kozmo I have always thought of you as being somewhere around mid 20's twenties and doing a great job with this place, probably with very little help, for which I have always held a deep admiration. (run-on sentence) My 'dig' about countries visited, was actually aimed at all the Americans here and as I admit, (double space) I am ensconced in the bowels of Europe, we have always been jealous of you. You see, to get (double space) really good skiing most of us have to fly to another country, same with lakes and for me unrestricted off-roading. 2 I have to go to other countries for it; you probably have it in your state or the state next door. (excessive spaces) We Europeans are often well travelled simply by neccessity. (excessive spaces) What else can I say in my last ramble?? (excessive spaces) Beware 4 The Russians are coming (extra space) !!! (excessive spaces) Seriously in the last year I have had so many Russians applying for classes, that I have had to sub-contract. (excessive spaces) They are wanting to learn, not only English, but Western culture and they will pay handsomely for it, things must be getting better financially for them, so they are probably heading your way.  Feel sorry for them. (single space--maintain consistency) I spoke to a prospective pupil in Kazan, Russia a few days ago and he told me it snowed last week!!!  Keep up the great work.

 

Based on what you have said thus far, I am forced to conclude one of the following possibilities must be true:

1.) You are a teenager somewhere in Europe who dreams of having this job and are influenced by film, but have no experience teaching English.
2.) You moved to eastern Europe in your youth and have had non-English-speaking people take an interest in your experience, but have made little or no money in teaching.

What I can most assuredly say is not true, are the following scenarios:

1.) You have enough experience with "Western" culture to teach it.
2.) You have enough experience with the English language to teach it.
3.) You have experience as a teacher on payroll.
4.) You have ever been approached by a multinational corporation with a job opportunity.
5.) You get paid a high salary.
6.) You selected your own salary.

Things that might be true:

1.) You do off-roading.
2.) You have had to travel to do off-roading.
3.) You have traveled to other countries.
4.) You have friends from or in other countries.
5.) You have friends who look up to you for advice.
6.) You have been employed as a teacher by a company that hires less qualified employees in order to get away with paying them less, which is likely illegal in your country, but bringing them to justice would likely result in you losing your job with no sufficient compensation.

 

- - - - -

Lastly, as I had been noticing and apparently Brittanybunny also noticed, you claimed that in the conversation (in which the following topic had not yet arisen) with your former student, you told the following story:

You had a former student who approached you with a bedwetting problem and asked your advice. You gave your advice (said advice is not stated). She responded that she wished she had diapers to wear in class.

After relaying this off-topic story, you asked your former student, unprovoked, if she had a similar problem. She blushed and admitted that she had been a bedwetter once, and thanked you for not making fun of her for it.

 

I have written this synopsis of your original post with great care and attention to detail. If I have misinterpreted your meaning in any way, then I assure you the mistake is on your end.

Edited by thereaverofdarkness (see edit history)
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On top of everything else, this is a really lousy way to bring up your fetish, folks. Have a conversation like this, and then if the person you're talking to ever finds out about your fetish this conversation will look suuuuper creepy in retrospect.

Want to bring up your fetish? Here's the process:

1) Is this person a sex partner of yours? No? Then they have a right not to know about your fetish. Your friends, students, family members, and casual acquaintances don't want to hear about how you get off.

2) Ok, so assuming they're a sex partner of yours. Do an assessment. Do you feel safe and comfortable around them? Do they already like you? Then you should tell them directly that you have a fetish, and that it's that you're into people peeing their pants. Choose a time to do it that is appropriate—I like to do it when lying around after sex. People feel both close and vulnerable then, and the lovey-dovey hormones help. Don't break it to them like you're telling them you have cancer. You're letting them know there's a fun way they can please you in bed and out of it.

3) Worried they might reject you if you tell them? Ok then, do a second assessment. How open are they about bodily functions? Do they pee with the door open? Are they relaxed about farting in front of each other? How squeamish are they in general? Do they say "ew" a lot? Are they kinky? Because if they're kinky they'll probably understand that your kink isn't something you chose.

4) If based on the second assessment it seems like they might be open minded about this stuff, then tell them. If it seems like they won't be, well, unless it's something casual that you don't see lasting long, you should probably tell them anyway, or break it off, because your fetish is not going to go away, and you do not want to spend the next six decades with someone you don't trust enough to tell them about your fetish plainly and truthfully.

5) Still worried they may reject you? Want to be absolutely certain they're cool with it before you ask? Tough, you can't know. No amount of creepily-casually bringing up wetting in random contexts will let you know whether they are cool with doing this thing with you. Just ask. Serially dating? Practice telling people now so that you'll be less nervous when you get around to telling somebody you're really into.

I've told 5 different women about my fetish in the last year. The worst reaction was, "I'm ok with you having this fetish, but I'm not doing that." One woman seemed ok with it but also like she would be hesitant to try it. The other three were pretty enthusiastic about giving it a go.

So that's the advice. Just be honest with people and they'll be cool about it. And if they're not cool about it, that's a good red flag for somebody you don't want to spend your life with.

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On 6/19/2018 at 12:28 PM, WetG/F said:

 I may even tell her about this and see if she thinks it is funny.

Hey, maybe you should just show her this entire thread so she can read it for herself. If you just tell her about it, you would probably tell her a one sided version of this whole debacle. Let's see if she laughs when she sees exactly what it is you have been up to. Go ahead. I dare you. 

Hopefully you don't actually do this for real... That would be even more creepy...

Edited by Anubis
Added disclaimer (see edit history)
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I thank you all for your analysis and am so glad that so many of you are doing so well.   Your excellent educations have enlightened me.    My advice may be taken by anyone or not..It has worked for me many times over. Anubis  I actually may discuss this with the (older ex student) but I suspect she would find it comical, she loves funny situations like this.   If I do, I know she will start picking through the people here and trying to analyse them and giggling all the while.   Although a Doctor she is not nerdy in any way.  I will not discuss it with the younger ex student, the one at Uni now,......I may discuss it with her at some time in the future.     I have in the past mentioned my 'interest' in this subject with the one at Uni....which is probably why she turned to me for advice (after she ceased to be my student and when she brought up the subject of fetishes etc - she is studying psychology).    Someone way back got every point so wrong, especially my age (I,m a creepy old professor type), but I will take it as a compliment.     In all, I simply noted a real situation that came up in conversation and then tried to adapt it for some of the more shy people here.   

Edited by WetG/F
added the word real. (see edit history)
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1 hour ago, WetG/F said:

Someone way back got every point so wrong, especially my age (I,m a creepy old professor type), but I will take it as a compliment.     In all, I simply noted a real situation that came up in conversation and then tried to adapt it for some of the more shy people here.   

You don't seem to understand why people are down-voting your posts on here. There's two reasons you're missing, and they are demonstrated in the two sentences I quoted above.

1.) That's not something to take as a compliment. We're not trying to be rude or dig at your character, but we've said that you don't seem like an old professor type, and once we said that, you failed to convince us otherwise. You say things about you, but you don't demonstrate it. One would think that a person who teaches English--even if they were caught deep in casual speak with many errors--could put forth the effort to type clearly in order to demonstrate an actual grasp of the English language. Furthermore, if you had a decent grasp of the English language, you would have been able to see why we thought your initial post was confusing, and you wouldn't have immediately tried to defend it but would have instead tried to correct your own mistakes. Your continued insistence that you made no mistakes, along with continued insistence of things which are very likely lies, is the second reason you are getting downvotes (the first reason is in the next paragraph). I'll be the first to say that it's possible you really are an English teacher, but if you really wanted us to believe that, the better way to go about it, rather than insist it, would be to demonstrate it. <-take notes, I just made a sentence with five commas, no lists, and it isn't a run-on sentence We don't want to shame you here. We don't want you to come away from this post miserable. We don't want to shred our relationship with you, and we don't want to burn that bridge, either. What we want is for you to have the fortitude to recognize when you were wrong. You don't have to apologize if you're not comfortable with it, but you shouldn't dig yourself in deeper by repeating the same things you've already said. Even if you're right and we're wrong, all it will do is continue to divide you and us further apart.

2.) I'm a shy person, and I don't need advice for how to wedge a topic into a conversation. Sometimes a conversation isn't compatible with a topic. I like @kochel428's advice but more than anything I find the best advice I could give to anyone is empathy, sincerity, and patience, in that order. You must have the empathy to determine when it is okay to insert the topic into the conversation, the sincerity to say how you truly feel about it, and the patience to understand it's not always the best time and you won't always get the best reaction. Now I do have an advantage over many in being able to get conversations into a very personal place; people tend to appreciate being able to confide in me, it's a special ability I have and I don't know how it works. But on the flip-side I have very high difficulty in approaching new people, and I am very easily stressed by being around people I don't know. So there's an up and a down for all of us. The first mistake you made was to assume that we need some sort of objective advice for a subjective type of situation, or to suggest that there is some method to slip a topic into a conversation where it doesn't belong. It was partially your methodology and partly the situation you described, which sounded to me like the wrong time to bring it up, and partly the way you insinuated that in your situation it went well, which I think to most of us it sounded quite the opposite. She was nice, that doesn't mean you did everything right, and if you were past your teens, you'd be expected to know that.

I want to re-iterate that we don't want to shame you here. We don't want you to come away from this post miserable. We don't want to shred our relationship with you, and we don't want to burn that bridge, either. What we want is for you to have the fortitude to recognize when you were wrong. You don't have to apologize if you're not comfortable with it, but you shouldn't dig yourself in deeper by repeating the same things you've already said. Even if you're right and we're wrong, all it will do is continue to divide you and us further apart. Please be well, I have only the best wishes for you. I appreciate all of the times you were kind to us, even if it came off as patronizing. I'm sorry if I come off as patronizing, and feel free to correct me on it. And I appreciate you not losing your temper, I know this must be difficult for you. Please be strong, and know that we want you to be happy.

Edited by thereaverofdarkness (see edit history)
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3 hours ago, WetG/F said:

I thank you all for your analysis and am so glad that so many of you are doing so well.   Your excellent educations have enlightened me.    My advice may be taken by anyone or not..It has worked for me many times over. Anubis  I actually may discuss this with the (older ex student) but I suspect she would find it comical, she loves funny situations like this.   If I do, I know she will start picking through the people here and trying to analyse them and giggling all the while.   Although a Doctor she is not nerdy in any way.  I will not discuss it with the younger ex student, the one at Uni now,......I may discuss it with her at some time in the future.     I have in the past mentioned my 'interest' in this subject with the one at Uni....which is probably why she turned to me for advice (after she ceased to be my student and when she brought up the subject of fetishes etc - she is studying psychology).    Someone way back got every point so wrong, especially my age (I,m a creepy old professor type), but I will take it as a compliment.     In all, I simply noted a real situation that came up in conversation and then tried to adapt it for some of the more shy people here.   

Again, back to my original finding in your first post, you said the uni person wasnt real, now you say she is, why not show this to the girl you lied to? If your “uni” friend is real and thinks this would be funny, why not show the other girl too? You claim you didnt do anything wrong, so why not show her your original first post?

About how she admitted to her bedwetting problems secretly to her past professor because you brought up a girl who was in a similar situation, and reads at the end of your first post “so even if your uni friend is imaginary “ and sees you lied about a fake situation with a fake person that tricked her into opening up

I bet it wont be so funny anymore, your intentions even in the beginning were not in a good way to help people overcome shyness about wetting, you lied to a former student who trusts you and saw you as a caring person and made her tell a secret about herself because you made up a lie, not cool at all, and btw, being called a creepy professor is not a compliment 

I dont even think you are a professor because if you were you would be fired by now for so many reasons

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8 hours ago, WetG/F said:

Your excellent educations have enlightened me.

I highly doubt that.

8 hours ago, WetG/F said:

Anubis  I actually may discuss this with the (older ex student) but I suspect she would find it comical, she loves funny situations like this.

Oh yes, you do that. Tell her about that imaginary student at the university that you invented out of thin air, just to get her to tell you she wets the bed. Show your friend what a creep you are and see if she laughs.

8 hours ago, WetG/F said:

I will not discuss it with the younger ex student, the one at Uni now,......I may discuss it with her at some time in the future.

:objection: Hey, first you said she was real, then imaginary, and now you are saying she is real again! Which one is it?

If she is real then go ahead and do that also. Tell her about how you used confidential information about her to get someone else to tell you an embarrassing secret. Let her know about how it's all related to a fetish that you have and see how well that turns out. I hope the handcuffs around your wrists hurt like hell when the cops show up.

8 hours ago, WetG/F said:

I have in the past mentioned my 'interest' in this subject with the one at Uni....which is probably why she turned to me for advice (after she ceased to be my student and when she brought up the subject of fetishes etc - she is studying psychology).

Okay, wait a minute, she brought up the subject of fetishes? Does that mean she already knows about your fetish and is okay with it? Well, why did you not tell us that sooner then? It could have saved us a lot of hassle.

8 hours ago, WetG/F said:

Someone way back got every point so wrong, especially my age (I,m a creepy old professor type), but I will take it as a compliment. 

I only said that being creepy to a student would be a terrible thing to do, even if she was older than you. I never claimed that she actually was older than you. There's no way you're an English teacher if you cannot understand that. You're a liar. It's that simple.

Being creepy is not a good thing. It makes you a piece of shit and acting creepy to students at a university (if you weren't lying about that), makes you unwelcome around here. It is a clear violation of the guidelines to brag about it, which is what you're doing right now.

8 hours ago, WetG/F said:

In all, I simply noted a real situation that came up in conversation and then tried to adapt it for some of the more shy people here. 

You encouraged them to manipulate people into telling them about secret fetishes using deception. That is what you did. @kochel428 gave the perfect advice for people that would have need of it. Your "advice" isn't acceptable.

@thereaverofdarkness, I'm glad you're a nice guy, but I'm not. This guy is no friend of mine and any bridge between him and I is going up in smoke.

Edited by Anubis
corrected some mistakes (see edit history)
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To be honest @Anubis i dont buy anything new he adds, it seems like an endless time loop where everytime we see what was lied about, something in the story changes, the uni girl was told to be real then not, then real again, then said she went to him about her own personal issues and told that to the former student, now its “me and the uni girl engaged in the subject of the fetish” first off. EWWWWWWWWW i doubt you are an english teacher but if you are dear lord that makes it worse and omg so much more creepy that you are talking about fetishes with a former student

At first it just all was “bringing up the subject of wetting to a former ex student about a former uni student who happens to be imaginary to get people to talk about their wetting problems”

now he says “ i have engaged in this subject with the (“totally real”) uni student and went on discussing wetting to a former student who opened up about her wetting problems” idk which was is creepier at this point

why the hell are you discussing a fetish with your former student (even though the uni girl isnt real based on the first post) 

i doubt that a lot of this stuff is true but just hearing it get creepier and creepier and the story changing so much makes me believe this is all bs if you ask me, and my god just wrong

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I have held off from making any adverse comment on this thread as I found the story (and subsequent “clarifications”) somewhat confusing and contradictory. I felt the benefit of the doubt was warranted and therefore did not downvote or criticise. 

However, as the story developed over the next days it just seemed to become creepier and the veracity of the facts as presented seemed more and more doubtful.

I now consider this whole messy tale to be somewhat unpleasant and suggest that the author perhaps refrain from discussing her fetish with students and try to deal with people in an honest and straightforward way without resorting to deception in an attempt to persuade people to reveal personal and intimate information. 

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7 hours ago, Brittanybunny said:

To be honest @Anubis i dont buy anything new he adds, it seems like an endless time loop where everytime we see what was lied about, something in the story changes, the uni girl was told to be real then not, then real again, then said she went to him about her own personal issues and told that to the former student, now its “me and the uni girl engaged in the subject of the fetish” first off. EWWWWWWWWW i doubt you are an english teacher but if you are dear lord that makes it worse and omg so much more creepy that you are talking about fetishes with a former student

Yeah, I don't buy into them either. I doubt there's much more that can be said to this sicko than what has been so far, so aside from just down voting any new creepy shit he posts and reporting it if it's very creepy, there's not much more to do. Like @WetDave, I did try to give him the benefit of the doubt in the beginning, by not down voting until it got downright nasty. Once that happened, then shit got real.

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