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When the Girl is in Control


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On 5/21/2018 at 5:03 PM, ControlFreak said:

It's not nearly as rare as you're implying. I've definitely seen male desperation stories involving female dominance. I know of one damn good one on this very site:

It may be comparatively difficult to find these kinds of stories, but bear in mind that male characters are less frequently the subject of porn in general. With that starting point, once you filter for both omorashi and more traditional BDSM, you're going to end up with a pretty limited selection. In fact, in my experience, even explicit dominance of a female character by a male character is a comparative rarity in the genre of desperation and wetting. That's because they're technically two different fetishes. Plenty of people are only into omo, and therefore write stories in which a (usually female) character becomes desperate due to various circumstances not involving a partner's command.

As to the comments about the patriarchy, I think the conclusions in this thread are mistaken. Traditional gender roles do indeed make it more difficult for men to embrace a submissive persona. But I'm pretty sure that that makes male submissiveness - as a fetish and behind closed doors - more common, not less. It's for this reason that you've probably heard a lot of references to professional dominatrices, and not to professional dominators. Femdom is definitely a very familiar genre of pornography. Search for it outside of the context of omorashi and you'll find a veritable bonanza. And even within that context, there's plenty, as this thread attests:

 

I also made recently a story which inolves fem dom:

 

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I'm naturally very submissive person and I recently had an experience when a women told me not to use the bathroom and I had an accident because of that. She eventually let me go to the bathroom, but it was too late. And she punished me for that too. It was so great. I wish that would happened more often, but she is not into omo and I managed to make it happen only because I found the right circumstances for that.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 5/20/2018 at 1:58 PM, BENAir01 said:

Because of the patriarchy, society has made to pretty taboo for the guy to be submissive and the girl dominant, and it makes it pretty complicated with LGBTQ couples, unfortunately. 

I had actually gotten the impression that submissive males are more socially acceptable on the internet scene than dominant males are. I've definitely seen both types of stories. I am a submissive heterosexual male, for what it's worth.

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On 5/21/2018 at 10:03 AM, ControlFreak said:

As to the comments about the patriarchy, I think the conclusions in this thread are mistaken. Traditional gender roles do indeed make it more difficult for men to embrace a submissive persona. But I'm pretty sure that that makes male submissiveness - as a fetish and behind closed doors - more common, not less. It's for this reason that you've probably heard a lot of references to professional dominatrices, and not to professional dominators. Femdom is definitely a very familiar genre of pornography. Search for it outside of the context of omorashi and you'll find a veritable bonanza.

I mostly agree with your other points, but I want to point out that the prevalence of pro dominatrices is because they are the role that is hardest to find in the wild, not because they are the most commonly called for. That is, among straight people, you have a lot of sub women, and a lot of Dom men. So sub women and Dom men don't tend to need to pay to get their needs met. You have comparatively more sub men than Dom women, so Dom women tend not to have to pay to get their needs met. sub men, on the other hand, can have a really hard time finding available Dom women, thus the need for professionals.

Meanwhile, in porn, male domination of women tends to be built into even vanilla porn. But there is also a huge amount of fetish porn depicting women being dominated, bound, etc. I haven't done studies but I'd be very surprised if there's not at least 10x more of it than of femdom porn. But if there's even close to parity, it's because, again, Dom men have an easy time having their fantasies realized in real life, whereas sub men tend to have a harder time finding Dom partners, and are therefore more likely to consume porn of that type.

Edited by kochel428 (see edit history)
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19 hours ago, kochel428 said:

I mostly agree with your other points, but I want to point out that the prevalence of pro dominatrices is because they are the role that is hardest to find in the wild, not because they are the most commonly called for. That is, among straight people, you have a lot of sub women, and a lot of Dom men. So sub women and Dom men don't tend to need to pay to get their needs met. You have comparatively more sub men than Dom women, so Dom women tend not to have to pay to get their needs met. sub men, on the other hand, can have a really hard time finding available Dom women, thus the need for professionals.

Meanwhile, in porn, male domination of women tends to be built into even vanilla porn. But there is also a huge amount of fetish porn depicting women being dominated, bound, etc. I haven't done studies but I'd be very surprised if there's not at least 10x more of it than of femdom porn. But if there's even close to parity, it's because, again, Dom men have an easy time having their fantasies realized in real life, whereas sub men tend to have a harder time finding Dom partners, and are therefore more likely to consume porn of that type.

This concisely sums up what I wanted to post but couldn't bother to because I was between night shifts at the time.  I see all the femdom porn and how successful it is, and wonder "are there really this many submissive males?"

Because, honestly, they are either very well hidden or very rare compared to dominant males by and large. Eventually, I came to the same conclusion, they are in fact less common, and thus pay for their outlet much more consistently.  It is probably the same reason that the percentage of people willing to pay for omorashi on some level is higher than simply for porn.

While it is true that I am borderline asexual (I'm too old to really dig through the specific terms and figure out which applies to me) excepting with omorashi, most of my friends without a fetish do not, and have never actually paid for porn, they simply find it for free. The few who do have a specific thing are far more likely to do so.  I imagine it is the same with submissive males and femdom.  I can't be sure, as my interests are about as far away from femdom as possible, but it would make sense given that MANY of the top clip sites feature femdom, and you think "it must be super common!" But then you realize things like wetting and bladder control are close behind it, and you realize it's much more about needing an outlet than sheer numbers.

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43 minutes ago, LOLC2k said:

This concisely sums up what I wanted to post but couldn't bother to because I was between night shifts at the time.  I see all the femdom porn and how successful it is, and wonder "are there really this many submissive males?"

I do actually get the impression that there are a fair number of submissive men. The thing that's really rare are Dom women. To the point that, for instance, the one pro dominatrix I know is not actually a Dom in her personal life. It's just that that's where the money is.

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1 hour ago, kochel428 said:

I do actually get the impression that there are a fair number of submissive men. The thing that's really rare are Dom women. To the point that, for instance, the one pro dominatrix I know is not actually a Dom in her personal life. It's just that that's where the money is.

Men seem to either have kinks/fetishes more often, or are at least more vocal about them, furthering muddying the issue (it's impossible to know which of those two it is at this time).

I mean, online, yes, I see submissive men. And it's true I don't know most people's sexual preferences, but when someone does divulge sex stuff to me of the people I know, the guys are almost always dominant, and the women are always submissive. Which I guess correlates with what you're saying, dominant women might be even rarer than submissive men.

I dunno either way. I took myself out of the dating and the sex game a while ago, I have far too many hangups and this fetish doesn't help, so I can't provide much personal input aside from what I know.

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5 hours ago, LOLC2k said:

Because, honestly, they are either very well hidden or very rare compared to dominant males by and large.

We're really not that uncommon. I'd say perhaps as many as 1 in 3 males are more sub than dom, and probably at least 1 in 10 go out of our way to be sexually dominated. We're just quieter. Dom-type males like to brag about it openly, and sub-type males are less likely to dispute the opinions of others, and that's the real reason we have this view of dominance being a facet of masculinity.

Here's a trick to see how many sub-type males there are around you. Next time you or someone else talks about overt masculinity, watch for the guys who loudly jump to support the gesture, and see how many just stand and watch, and agree only from peer pressure. You might be surprised how many of us there are hiding in plain sight.

Edited by thereaverofdarkness (see edit history)
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2 minutes ago, thereaverofdarkness said:

We're really not that uncommon. I'd say perhaps as many as 1 in 3 males are more sub than dom, and probably at least 1 in 10 go out of our way to be sexually dominated. We're just quieter. Dom-type males like to brag about it openly, and sub-type males are less likely to dispute the opinions of others, and that's the real reason we have this view of dominance being a facet of masculinity.

Here's a trick to see how many sub-type males there are around you. Next time you or someone else talks about overt masculinity, watch for the guys who loudly jump to support the gesture, and see how many just stand and watch, and agree only from peer pressure. You might be surprised how many of us there are hiding in plain sight.

I don't think someone who is uncomfortable with displays of traditional masculinity is necessarily the same as someone who is submissive in bed. People often switch between their public persona and their sexual persona. The stereotypical man who visits a dominatrix is a high powered businessman who enjoys being tied up and tortured to get off. Having a strong sense of what a man should be is part of what gives power to a man being dominated.

Meanwhile, I'm certainly not what you would call a stereotypical manly man. I'm an artist, I'm comfortable having and expressing emotions, I don't know a thing about sports, people describe me as gentle. The character traits I try to cultivate are kindness and empathy. But given a willing partner I will hold her down, tie her up, throw her around, slap her, and generally bend her to my will as I fuck the living shit out of her. I'm a Dom in bed, but I don't think most people would describe me as an alpha male in my public life or relationships.

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34 minutes ago, kochel428 said:

I don't think someone who is uncomfortable with displays of traditional masculinity is necessarily the same as someone who is submissive in bed.

I didn't say that.

34 minutes ago, kochel428 said:

I'm a Dom in bed, but I don't think most people would describe me as an alpha male in my public life or relationships.

That isn't counter to what I said. I didn't mean that dom-leaning males are all loud and overt about it. Also I realize that you can't judge a person based on few known characteristics; the point I was making is that someone could be fooled into thinking a type of person was rare merely because they are quiet.

There are probably more dom-leaning males who are quiet about it, but I still think at least 1 in 10 try to be dominated in bed. I don't know that, but I suspect it.

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My belief is that omo does not have to revolve around a sub/dom dynamic.  A couple can totally enjoy wetting in front of each other without there being any control or submission involved in the play.

That said, domination and submission can very easily be incorporated into omo play.  I love being told by a woman that, no I can't go to the toilet.  I'm not the world's best holder, so this would probably result in a puddle.  Wetting for me can feel very submissive, almost like an age regression thing.  No longer old enough to look after my own continence, I need the woman that denied me the bathroom to pull my wet pants down until I'm standing before her  shamefully bottomless whilst having my wet legs and genitals wiped down with a damp flannel.  

Of course, then we reverse roles and she ends up wetting her knickers.

 

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As a girl I do like to be controled and told when I can or can't go. Still I think taking controll of a man would be fun and exciting too, just deniying them and taunting them. Sadly the guy I am with has a steel blader an hardly goes to the bathroom, it still fun to sometimes poke him in the blader in case he has the odd reaction. He doesn't know I'm into omorashi though and is too dominant to even consider this happening.

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On 5/22/2018 at 9:21 AM, girliegirl765 said:

I do that often if I'm playing with someone. ?

That being said, female dominants are just *way* more rare, in general, than male dominants. When you partner that with the fact that watersports and omorashi is more rare in women than in men, it leads to a very small subset of women who might be into it. I've only met a few other female omo-friendly dominants, and I've been around Omo stuff for a loooong time. 

Would you be willing to share any such experiences? Sounds very hot!

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When it comes to omo, i prefer being a bit more submissive than my lover, i only get dominant when i talk dirty, but im not a femdom girl, i get very nervous being the one in charge and since holding can sometimes be pleasurable or sometimes be painful holding too much liquid, i wouldnt wanna tell my lover and have him keep it in for my pleasure, for me its hot in videos but i cant imagine the pressure feeling and pain from holding so much until being told to let go, i just cant do it

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  • 1 year later...
  • 1 year later...

I'm yet another male whose buttons can only be pushed by a loving but very dominate woman. But after admittedly only a few weeks on the site, I think I may be in a pretty small minority in that wetting plays essentially no role in my and my SO's sex play.  It's all about relinquishing  complete control to her and accepting her gift of pressure and pain for as long as she wishes in return for her become more and more turned on by my suffering. Our sessions always end in a wonderful FBO for me with her applying pressure with various parts of her body. Pure heaven.

Anyway, in response to the original post, I've written two stories along these lines; the first being similar to our real sex life (with embellishments I'm hoping to encourage):

And the second definitely being a "Do NOT try this at home!" over-the-top fantasy:

 

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