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malefemale Male public messing - Unless you are really into poop, this is pretty gross


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Let me preface this by claiming that I am not all into messing.  For me, this was not, in anyway, a sexual or erotic experience, so forgive me if the description I offer lacks any kind of kinky flare.

Just a couple days ago my girlfriend and I stopped by a department store, after a long-ish day of running errands and visiting family.  We had a few groceries to pick up, and she wanted to look at the garden center.  It was nearing that time when I typically offer up my daily offering to the porcelain god, so rather than put up with the discomfort to postponing the evacuation until we got home, I decided to attempt to use the store's facilities.

The bathrooms at the store were just fine.  They were clean, had toilet paper.  No issue.  One of the only two stalls in the bathroom was in use, but the walls separating the stalls were actual walls, extending all the way from the floor to the ceiling, so having a neighbor wasn't incredibly awkward.  The doors on the stalls were typical stall doors for public bathrooms, but that is to be expected.  I entered the empty stall, and proceeded to take care of business.

Almost as soon as I had started doing the deed, I heard someone frantically shuffle into the men's room, panting and grunting.  There are unspoken, sacred rules of etique for public men's rooms.  If a urinal or stall is in use and you must wait, you wait standing back, giving the current user a good amount of distance.  You mind your own business, except perhaps when coming or going from washing hands, where a friendly nod might be okay in certain circumstances.  The most sacred rule however, the rule held above all others, is you never, ever make eye contact through the gap next to the stall door.

This new visitor to the men's room seemed to be completely unaware of these customs, as not only did he proceed to wait directly outside my stall door as he breathed heavily, panted, and grunted, but he kept peering in at me between the crack next to the stall door, several times making eye contact.  The level of awkward discomfort I felt could not be overstated. 

Typically I go out of my way to assure the comfort of others.  More than once I have gone out of my way to help out a stranger, and always try to extend a minimum level of courtesy and sympathy to everyone I encounter.  Therefor, I am not someone who has ever intentionally acted rudely or confrontational with a complete stranger.  However, this case was different.  Pooping in a public bathroom was not something I was comfortable with under any circumstance, but having to do it while being watched by a stranger?  This needed to end.

I had decided I needed to say something, and say it backed with clear anger and harshness.  I just wasn't sure what words were the most appropriate.  I never got the chance to say anything, though.  As I tried to find the right words to shout at this trespasser he suddenly groaned loudly, accompanied by would I can only describe as something that looked like about five gallons of chicken satay spilling onto the floor, spreading out in all directions and running under the stall directly towards me.  I had to pull my feet back and twist sideways on the throne to avoid contact with the toxic substance.

Now friends, I have been in all manner of public bathrooms before.  I have even been inside sewage treatment facilities, dairy farms, fertilizer pants, and more.  I have smelled things that no human should ever have to smell.  But nothing I have ever encountered could prepare me for this.  It was not a smell of a type that comes from a human, or any other living being.  In was the smell of sulfur and decay, an overpowering odor of brimstone and death.  Normally I have a fairly strong constitution, but it was all I could do not to vomit.

There was some commotion outside my stall, and I thought I heard voices coming from outside the men's room door.  My only concern, however, was escaping my stall.  As quickly as I could I wrapped up my business, opened the stall door, and leapt over the sludge.  At that precise moment a female janitor, who couldn't have been more than 20 years old, entered the bathroom with a mop and bucket.  Our eyes met as she stared, stunned.  Then she glanced at the toxic cesspool spread across the tile, that I was still standing next to.  The color drained from her face and I could tell she was trying hard not to gag.  Her eyes then flicked back to me, accusing.

I wasn't sure if I should say something to her, tell her it wasn't me, or simply make a run for it and never, ever, return to this store again.  Again, fate intervened before I was able to act.  The second stall door swung open in that instant, and out stepped our culprit, the one responsible for the entire situation.  He was only wearing a button down shirt, his soiled pants and boxers in his hands, his manhood dangling, fully visible. 

The female janitor audibly gasped as her hand covered  her mouth, eyes wide in horror.  She immediately did an about face and fled from the bathroom.  For some unconscious reason I briefly turned and looked towards my fellow bathroom occupant, again, our eyes met, standing on opposite sides of his diarrhea puddle.  I broke the eye contact as soon as it was made, but it had, unfortunately, still happened.  Following in the janitors footsteps I fled the bathroom, exited the store, and went straight to my car.

From there I called my girlfriend.  I explained that I was in the car, and that we needed to leave right then and never, ever return to that store.  At first she was concerned, but then I explained, much to her amusement, what had transpired.  She was understanding about having to leave the store and abandon our shopping trip, but she keeps asking me now if I would like chicken satay for dinner.

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Just think how it must have been for the culprit!

i mean what do you do at that point? You’ve shit everywhere, your clothes are basically unwearable, you’re away from your house, your car. Somehow you’ve got to get from that bathroom, through the shop and back to your car, with no clothes and shit everywhere. And on top of that you’ve inadvertently exposed yourself to a young girl. What do you do?

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14 minutes ago, BENAir01 said:

@hoimi is satay not more traditionally Thai or Indonesian? I believe he is still good with Indian food. Nothing wrong with a good curry or biryani. 

Well, hell. I don't know which is which, but I have no inclination to learn about what chicken satay is now.

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14 minutes ago, WetDave said:

Just think how it must have been for the culprit!

i mean what do you do at that point? You’ve shit everywhere, your clothes are basically unwearable, you’re away from your house, your car. Somehow you’ve got to get from that bathroom, through the shop and back to your car, with no clothes and shit everywhere. And on top of that you’ve inadvertently exposed yourself to a young girl. What do you do?

I'm with @WetDave here. This was very hard situation for this guy. He was totally desperate, very close to toilet, but lost it. Honestly, I'd understand his attempts to find a free stall. He was a little bit to open with coming out with no pants, but I think that he didn't expect any lady in this place. But he was in giant need of cleaning, which sometimes is impossible without water etc.

Difficult situation, for all people involved. And a big drama for this guy.  

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18 minutes ago, tanin said:

I'm with @WetDave here. This was very hard situation for this guy. He was totally desperate, very close to toilet, but lost it. Honestly, I'd understand his attempts to find a free stall. He was a little bit to open with coming out with no pants, but I think that he didn't expect any lady in this place. But he was in giant need of cleaning, which sometimes is impossible without water etc.

Difficult situation, for all people involved. And a big drama for this guy.  

Actually I think this subject would be worthy of a little competition. If you were this guy, in the predicament as described (shit everywhere, soiled clothes which are assumed to be unwearable at this point and having accidentally exposed yourself to a young female cleaner)  what would you do?

First prize (of absolutely nothing except the admiration of your peers on here) to the best answer in terms of getting out of this situation with the least embarrassment, as measured by number of upvotes received. 

Edited by WetDave (see edit history)
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6 minutes ago, WetDave said:

Actually I think this subject would be worthy of a little competition. If you were this guy, in the predicament as described (shit everywhere, soiled clothes which are assumed to be unwearable at this point and having accidentally exposed yourself to a young female cleaner)  what would you do?

First prize (of absolutely nothing except the admiration of your peers on here) to the best answer in terms of getting out of this situation with the least embarrassment, as measured by number of upvotes received. 

Well, it depends. If this was this guy's first accident I'm afraid that he was so shocked that he was unable to do anything smart. But when it's more frequent 'event' you somehow are used to deal with this mess.

So, in second scenario I could imagine acting like full professional person - lady, I know that's not my best day, please let me deal with cleaning here, but instead please be so kind and bring me any pants and boxers from your shop, size L please, I'll pay after getting out.

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8 hours ago, WetDave said:

Just think how it must have been for the culprit!

i mean what do you do at that point? You’ve shit everywhere, your clothes are basically unwearable, you’re away from your house, your car. Somehow you’ve got to get from that bathroom, through the shop and back to your car, with no clothes and shit everywhere. And on top of that you’ve inadvertently exposed yourself to a young girl. What do you do?

First of all it is hard for me to feel too much sympathy for this guy.  Not that the situation wouldn't have been absolutely horrific for him, but when you stare at a total stranger through the crack next to the stall door, and just keep staring, that is a major violation of privacy.  You just don't do that.  No one should have to be spied on when they are doing their business unless they want to be.

I also don't understand why he didn't make a run for it.  Both stalls were in use when this happened- So he would have made the decision to keep waiting until the other stall opened and ducked into it.  I think the best thing to do at that point would have been just to run for it and escape the situation.  It was a hot day, there was a creek and pond nearby he could have jumped in.

7 hours ago, tanin said:

I'm with @WetDave here. This was very hard situation for this guy. He was totally desperate, very close to toilet, but lost it. Honestly, I'd understand his attempts to find a free stall. He was a little bit to open with coming out with no pants, but I think that he didn't expect any lady in this place. But he was in giant need of cleaning, which sometimes is impossible without water etc.

Difficult situation, for all people involved. And a big drama for this guy.  

There were only two stalls there, and he established they were both in use.  Standing right outside mine and staring at me was not called for, or excusable.

I am more understanding of him coming out of the stall when he did- I believe he must have thought the bathroom was deserted at that point.  When I left my stall I had no idea anyone was there, and in the painful moment that passed between me and the janitor, I'm sure he interpreted the dead silence as an empty bathroom.  I have no idea what he thought he was going to do at that point, but I don't believe he expected anyone else to be there right then.

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11 hours ago, TVGuy said:

First of all it is hard for me to feel too much sympathy for this guy.  Not that the situation wouldn't have been absolutely horrific for him, but when you stare at a total stranger through the crack next to the stall door, and just keep staring, that is a major violation of privacy.  You just don't do that.  No one should have to be spied on when they are doing their business unless they want to be.

I also don't understand why he didn't make a run for it.  Both stalls were in use when this happened- So he would have made the decision to keep waiting until the other stall opened and ducked into it.  I think the best thing to do at that point would have been just to run for it and escape the situation.  It was a hot day, there was a creek and pond nearby he could have jumped in.

There were only two stalls there, and he established they were both in use.  Standing right outside mine and staring at me was not called for, or excusable.

I am more understanding of him coming out of the stall when he did- I believe he must have thought the bathroom was deserted at that point.  When I left my stall I had no idea anyone was there, and in the painful moment that passed between me and the janitor, I'm sure he interpreted the dead silence as an empty bathroom.  I have no idea what he thought he was going to do at that point, but I don't believe he expected anyone else to be there right then.

I know that this situation was very difficult for you too. But - trust me - when you're close to having diarrhea in your pants you'll do almost everything to prevent it. And when you don't have set of spare clothes and in public the 'almost' may disappear.

But - don't get me wrong - I'm far from saying that his behavior was OK, no, it wasn't, but I can somehow justify it.

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I'd have hung my bum over a basin and used that. Clean-up would have been difficult but not impossible. Hot and cold running water and lots of paper towels would have made it at least bearable for the janitor. A bit tricky if there aren't any paper towels though. A lot of places just have electric hand-driers. 

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TVGUY, I feel for you. I tense up when someone enters the bathroom and I am on the toilet. Having someone look through the door gap repeatedly is very unnerving. The only thing I can think of is that maybe he was resting his head against the door ... but I know when I am feeling ill, I look down ... anyway. That must have been unnerving.

The male and female janitors I know (and have known) do not like to go into bathrooms that are in use. The males are reluctant to enter women's bathrooms because of the potential for the patron to accuse them of harassment (let alone give someone privacy). The women hate occupied men's bathrooms because of seeing men naked - and having men assume they are there for their pleasure, etc. (Yes, some men think that.)

There was one exception. At an office building where I worked, I was usually the last (or one of the last) to leave. One woman cleaner would open the door and ask if she could clean the rest of the bathroom while I was in the stall. She would always announce it beforehand. I assume that she could have peeked at me sitting down if she chose to do it.

I always announced before I came out of the stall and I always had my pants up and buckled. Sometimes she was cleaning the sinks or floors and sometimes she was gone.

Occasionally, she asked how my day was and I replied in kind. I never felt comfortable starting the exchange.

As for throwing up, the few times I have done it in a public restroom were either over the trashcan or in the sink (NOT recommended).

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  • 2 months later...
On 5/22/2018 at 4:27 AM, tennyson said:

As for throwing up, the few times I have done it in a public restroom were either over the trashcan or in the sink (NOT recommended).

Not a fan of public toilets at all, but had to use one, during which time a small child and father came in. Father was obviously not used to managing the child's butt, and threw up into the bowl (after the sound of the rattlling TP dispensor and the child saying that they had finished and stepped off it). Still not a fan of public toilets.

In my early years in IT in a large office environment, I usually went sometime during the day, but no matter how early I went, the 'phantom crapper' always managed to make a mess of the bowl before I got there. TVGuy, you have my sympathy.

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To reply to you competition WetDave: My strategy would be to first undo my shoes, get my socks off, then the rest of my soiled clothes. Then I would put my pants back on, go outside to the sink to wash my underpants and socks+shoes. With the clean stuff go back into the stall and change into it. 2nd round pants are washed. So the only thing you have to face now, is people wondering why your pants are wet, rather than seeing the actual accident.

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