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Hi. Recently, I've been interested in a certain type of story, the simple line story: A group of girls, an occupied bathroom, and the surrounding drama that follows. It's not complex, but I've been wa

Part II: What's Ladylike About Pain   The first time I ever saw Hanna at the brink was three years ago, a slight trip with friends from our college dorms to a large fair on the edge of town.

Hey, I'm back. Originally I was going to use a whole bunch of fake iphone text screens for part of this story, but every website I found was a spam-site and fucked it up somehow. So unfortunately, I h

To be honest, while it was definitely quite enjoyable to read, parts of this were a bit confusing at times with all the jumps back and forth between flashbacks. Specifically the part where Layla is on the bus desperate to pee. One moment she's talking to Jean, the next it's a flashback to earlier that morning to explain why she's so desperate to pee. When Jean told her "if you makes you feel better I really need to pee to" at first I thought Jean was sitting around the table with Layla's family whispering quietly enough for only Layla to hear her.

That said, I really like the story of Jean in NYC discovering that there's no bathrooms there. Also I second daniel2's suggestion that we should see more of the Waitress in the next part.

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3 hours ago, FullBladder85 said:

To be honest, while it was definitely quite enjoyable to read, parts of this were a bit confusing at times with all the jumps back and forth between flashbacks. Specifically the part where Layla is on the bus desperate to pee. One moment she's talking to Jean, the next it's a flashback to earlier that morning to explain why she's so desperate to pee. When Jean told her "if you makes you feel better I really need to pee to" at first I thought Jean was sitting around the table with Layla's family whispering quietly enough for only Layla to hear her.

That said, I really like the story of Jean in NYC discovering that there's no bathrooms there. Also I second daniel2's suggestion that we should see more of the Waitress in the next part.

 

Yeah, I thought the time jumping was going to be an issue, lol. I've found it quite tedious to pace out simple stories like that chronologically, the ramping up of pace and intensity without any breaks or reprieves gets tiring as a writer. I do have to do transitions better, and I will keep working at it. ?

And also, not to spoil the next chapter, but the waitress plays a big role in it. So... be on the lookout.

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5 hours ago, bes31 said:

 I do have to do transitions better,

Honestly, more of those big separating lines would help out immensely.

The problem with the last chapter was that there was that one jump where suddenly you're back on the bus and there's no real indicator that what was just going on two seconds ago isn't happening anymore.

Then after that there's just some minor problems with the way you describe the whole thirty-minutes-ago section that could have been solved by writing that section in past-perfect tense (i.e. had done instead of did, for instance). Transition back to the present after that isn't too bad, though. Might want to play around with doing more of that "just keep walking" thing so there's some consistency within each little time period so that it's easier to tell which one you're in.

But, really, the time jumping is really interesting and it can make for a very interesting story (see: literally any Tarantino movie). Just needs a little bit of polish so it's easier to follow. As long as it's clear when we are, there won't be too much of an issue. It's just made a lot weirder by the fact that this is a serial story and not just one big thing that has to wrap itself up in two hours, but it's totally doable.

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Thanks for the critiques! And you're completely right with the transitions. I wish I could go back and make some fixes to the chapter I submitted, but I guess there is a time limit on editing posts. I really wish this wasn't a feature, as it would be nice to be able to constantly fix up projects to make them the best they could be for any future reader-- but I guess it wasn't to be.

 

While I'm on... I've been thinking about community interaction in regards to this story, namely a contest to feature a character of your own creation into the story. The very rough idea in my head is that people can send me messages detailing a character within the bounds that the story has had so far, and I could choose one and add them to the line. It's just a thought, but I'd love to hear reactions to it.

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4 hours ago, bes31 said:

While I'm on... I've been thinking about community interaction in regards to this story, namely a contest to feature a character of your own creation into the story. The very rough idea in my head is that people can send me messages detailing a character within the bounds that the story has had so far, and I could choose one and add them to the line. It's just a thought, but I'd love to hear reactions to it

I'm onboard with this. Already got an idea in fact.

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8 hours ago, bes31 said:

I really wish this wasn't a feature, as it would be nice to be able to constantly fix up projects to make them the best they could be for any future reader

You could always go back after the entire thing is done (which in the case of this story would be literally the end of the line), fix up the whole story all at once, and put out the new version as one whole thing that people can read instead. Also helps because you cut out all the chatter from the actual forum thread.

Worked for Desperation Dungeon, at least.

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hey man just wanted to state that editing your previous additions to this entry is fine, but it isn't a good venture if it is going to hinder your progress in this story. Maybe finish the story and then edit it with the criticisms you have received in mind. Maybe you are doing that already and I am in the wrong, I am not rushing you or anything. If anything I WANT to wait a little more if it means the last chapters are going to be phenomenal. I just want to know if you are progressing instead of regressing. 

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2 hours ago, daniel2 said:

hey man just wanted to state that editing your previous additions to this entry is fine, but it isn't a good venture if it is going to hinder your progress in this story. Maybe finish the story and then edit it with the criticisms you have received in mind. Maybe you are doing that already and I am in the wrong, I am not rushing you or anything. If anything I WANT to wait a little more if it means the last chapters are going to be phenomenal. I just want to know if you are progressing instead of regressing. 

Lol, I appreciate your concern, but I was going to just add a few horizontal rules.

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On ‎4‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 10:19 AM, bes31 said:

Hi. Recently, I've been interested in a certain type of story, the simple line story: A group of girls, an occupied bathroom, and the surrounding drama that follows. It's not complex, but I've been wanting to write one of these for a while, so here goes nothing. Also.. Homage to Rick Dixon, I guess, as he's been one of my favorite writers on here recently. I think my goal here is to flesh out such a story to the maximum capability, so this will be pretty long (and this will be only the first part). I haven't written long-form in a while, so I hope y'all like it.

 

End of the Line:

 

PART 1:  "200 miles away. North or South."

 

Last month, once college had finished and our final test had been inputted, a group of friends and I decided that it would be the perfect time to fulfill a promise that we made to ourselves when we were Freshman-- a glorified, down-to-earth, Americana laced road-trip. As we depressed from the laborious Finals week, our attention turned to packing bags, booking hotels, and generalizing directions for what we called a "trip of a lifetime". In fairness, this statement was hyperbole, it was a standard road-trip, New York-to-California, and then back again with gusto and general tourist spirit. But for the four of us, the trip beyond the cramped settlement that is New York to the open land would be refreshing.

 

It was the second day, and the four of us were situated comfortably into a moderately sized SUV, cozying up with the reclining seats, with all the accompanying entertainment being the empty roads and the cell phones that clinged onto the smallest bits of signals before being shut down to the rest of the world. It was boring, and as the sun began to close down on the warm afternoon, we had decided to grab a quick bite to eat (rather than nourishment from the endless foray of packed snacks, as Goldfish cannot sustain forever). At the smallest bit of civilization, the driver pulled into an old-school diner, with a glowing white-and-silver exterior with shining embezzlement and neon signs, all cascading with the smell of pancakes and coffee to impress the craving passengers. We were immune to the aesthetic, and the smells, and the four of us entered into the near-empty restaurant.

 

"Hi y'all, welcome to End of the Line. It'll be four?" The waitress greeted, she was an older women with caked-on makeup upon a wrinkled face and a pony-tail that oft represented someone below her age, still she bounced around with energy, charisma, and a Midwestern charm. After the long day of travelling, our group could only do with a nod, and immediately she piloted us to a large table, glistening, surrounded by strange music memorabilia. "Now, do y'all need anything?"

 

"We'll have waters." I started, which caused a slight grimace on the face of the waitress, what's up with that? I thought. Either way, she smiled at me and assured the group that she would return with said waters. Across from me, one of the members of the group peered around the room with a slight urgency. To her left, she peered, above my head, she shook her head, and then to her right, she smiled and stood up, causing our heads to turn.

 

"I'll be right back." Hanna, the standing girl, told the group, as she walked off to a slight crevice in the diner, the bathrooms... of course. I thought to myself, as it had been a long day for all of us. Hanna was the owner of the SUV, and with that came the responsibility of driving that lumbering vehicle across the country, of course Mark, Felicity, or myself would all have been willing to drive as well, but Hanna was stubborn, and willingly beared the responsibility. Today, she woke up in a hotel room, and by 9:00 she was behind the wheel, and continued to do so with only minimal stops for 8 hours. She was strong, and stubborn, but as she now stood in the crevice, knees slightly bent, acknowledging the occupied single-toilet room in front of her, I could tell she was nearing her breaking point, and shamefully, I became fascinated.

 

"What about you, Felicity?" Mark asked with a candidness that impressed me. Felicity was to my right, and my eyes turned from Hanna at the door to Felicity as the questioning began. It was fair, as like Hanna, Felicity had gone eight hours without any form of relief. We had made two stops, one at 1:00, where we filled the car with gas and grabbed a bite to eat from a gas station, but when the topic of the bathroom brought up, we were presented with an out of order sign. We continued onward, though, until around 3:00, where Marks bladder had expanded too far, and he requsted a reprieve on the side of the road. There, Mark and I both relieved ourselves as the girls diverted their eyes, we offered to do the same for them, but neither obliged, as it would have been obscene. Now, Hanna was waiting for the toilet to open, obviously in some discomfort, and Felicity simply sat, not wanting to cause a scene.

 

"Oh--- I'm fine.... No need to get up there until Hanna's done." Fair enough, though Felicity acknowledged her need. Underneath the table, I could tell that Felicity had crossed legs, and a protruding bladder that could be seen through the outline of her sundress, sometimes she would bite her lips, but she remained calm. I pretended the read the menus as I watched both girls, Hanna casually gazing at her phone, legs crossed as the door remained locked, and Felicity, who read the menu herself with discomfort-- I was blessed to be friends with such beautiful girls. Felicity was pristine, a sort of controlled beauty with pale skin, golden-blonde hair and a good body, all masking someone who was intelligent and thoughtful, all of which forced me to have romantic feelings that I never could control. Hanna on the other hand, was much more of a friend (as I had known her since we were children), she was skinny, with long legs and curly brown hair, she was more down-to earth, in a blouse, jean skirt, and boots that matched her perfect, still I could tell she was incredibly pretty, and even as friends I enjoyed watching her ponder the still-locked door.

 

Those doors have been locked for a while, I thought as the waitress appeared with our drinks. Casually, she looked over to Hanna with a face that resembled empathy, did she know something I didn't? Hanna looked back at us as well, slightly confused, and certainly annoyed, her legs bent inward to the slightest degree and a right leg that couldn't sit still. Quietly, she squeezed on her thigh, trying to focus on her phone.

 

Five minutes later, and as Hanna began to stare longingly at the closed door, and Felicity began to place her left hand down near crotch, giving occasional squeezes to her cramping urethra, the door opened with the sound of a bell ringing, and a family coming through the doors. There were four of them, and as the ordered off the menu, I took note of the family, a overworked Mother and Father, a young boy, and a women who seem disinterested with her parents conversation. The women was annoyed and flustered, dressed in tight jean-shorts, a blue t-shirt, and with dyed blonde hair with a punk aesthetic. She was probably 17-19, with a surprisingly large chest, and with a personality that drew ire from (what I assumed was) her family.

 

Picking up the families conversation, I listened closely.

 

"Come on, Darlene, you're being ridiculous." The Mother lambasted, Darlene must've been the women's name.

 

"Just shut up! I'm fine!"

 

"Darlene's gonna pee her pants." The boy said with a sing-song mocking tone, immediately my ears perked up. "Darlene's gonna pee--"

 

"No I'm not! Shut up!" Darlene nearly screamed, she was slouched into her chair, exposing enough of her middrift to see a slight rise near her lower belly. She probably was caught in the same predicament, a long drive without a toilet and too much decency to pee into the side of the road. As I listened, I caught Felicity averting her ears, she seemed in pain, as if the conversation reminded her about her own needs. Hanna continued to play on her phone, but the expression on her face was worsening. "I don't use public bathrooms, they're gross!" Darlene continued.

 

"Well, we are not stopping until the hotel, so it's either now or midnight." The father continued, all with forceful certainty. Darlene rolled her eyes at him, adjusting her Daisy-Duke which showed a little more of her inner thighs than I could handle, I tried to stay calm, as these situations were beginning to stack upon each other.

 

"Whatever...... Besides, there's a line for the bathroom already." Darlene nodded off to Hanna, who was by herself, contemplating the door that remained locked.

 

Another five minutes had past when we started to realize that something was off. Hanna was bouncing up and down at this point, rolling her Converses on the tiled floor and constantly biting her lips, she hadn't used the toilet in nearly nine hours at this point and the drinking of sodas and water inside the car was regular. Now, she felt weighted down, sometimes crossed over, even at some points she pondered to the Men's bathroom, but as she pulled ever so slightly she found that the Men's reprieve was locked as well. She remained stuck, and Felicity watched with baited breath, even Darlene made a few glances, she shook ever so slightly (even if she wouldn't be caught dead in a public toilet, a point she iterated many times to her poor parents).

 

"Do you think there are staff bathrooms?" Felicity asked me with shyness, she didn't like being in such a predicament as she twisted the edges of her sundress, her legs deviating from positions, trying to find comfort, but the pain was within.

 

"You could ask." I reminded Felicity, who seemed dissatisfied with her answer, especially since Hanna had already asked. A few minutes ago, when the waitress brought over our meals of pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, and the likes, Hanna had asked her why exactly the bathrooms were closed. "Oh, they're just occupied." The waitress responded with a uneasy smile, sometimes she would bounce on her black high-heels, she was desperate too, so if there was a staff bathroom, it wasn't being used either. Across the restaurant, Darlene clamped down on her short shorts, giving a slight moan, from my vantage point I could see the slightest trickle of darkness on the indigo, her legs crossed with intensity, just preventing a flood from appearing.

 

"Oh Darlene, you're hurting yourself!" The Mother warned her daughter, whose eyes rang with worry instead of rebel spirit.

 

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh---- Fine!" Darlene stood up and awkwardly jigged to the crevice where the bathroom would be, I wondered how much of the "Uh"'s were a stand in for her pride, as she obviously was losing control. In the crevice, the punk-rock girl stood next to Hanna, comparatively, Darlene was in rougher shape, bent over with one hand permanently pressed down on her failing privates. Hanna was desperate too, but under control, Darlene looked as if she could burst at any moment-- but she did have pride, one that prevented her from losing control. "What's up with the bathrooms?" Darlene spoke to Hanna, who was fine with conversation, anything to get her mind off her swollen bladder.

 

"I don't know, whomever's in there is not coming out."

 

"Have you tried knocking on the door?!" Darlene dramatically asked, shifting hands around her waist-- Godshe could explode at any second. Hanna had no response, not sure what the punk-rock girl was alluding too. "Y'know, to see if anyone's in there!"

 

"Oh--- Okay." Hanna nodded and quickly knocked on the door, and almost immediately, a knock back. In some ways, this was the worst case scenario, and both girls knew what this socially meant. If the doors were locked and no one was inside, then there was no reason to wait, the girls could both run to the back and relieve their swollen, oversized bladders, but now that an open toilet was accessible, they had to stay, and just wait. I watched intently, though I saw Felicity look at me, maybe she was wondering why I was so interested.

 

"Um.... Hi?" Hanna spoke to the person on the other side. "You've been in there a while, and there are people here who really need the.... Y'know. Do you think you can come out soon."

 

From the other side, a women's voice, "Just a second". Darlene moaned, shaking her hips around in obvious cramping pain. "I don't have a second! I need to pee now!" Darlene complained, drawing attention to the entire kitchen and her family. I looked over to them, her brother was loving it with a giddy smile, but her parents were worried. Hanna was also worried, but also annoyed, as she swayed around, sometimes kicking up her legs, almost nearing a pace.

 

"I get that you need to go-- So do I-- But you don't have to yell so loud." Hanna talked down to Darlene, who responded to it in spade, bending down and nodding (and surprisingly, not yelling). I get the yelling, I've been in positions where I've almost lost control, but I couldn't imagine Hanna or Felicity liked such a display. Suddenly, I was reminded of Felicity, who rubbed her thighs constantly.

 

"Sorry--- It's just that I haven't gone all day, and I just really need to go." Darlene said in a lower tone. "Literally all day, you see, I have a fear of public bathrooms, so when I woke up at the hotel this morning I just couldn't muster the will to go. I thought that there would be a time that I could piss in the woods, or piss in a bottle, but my parents didn't let me-- and now--- Well, I think if I don't use the toilet soon, I'm going to explode." Hanna (and I) listened to the story. I imagined, the long afternoon drive with confidence, just waiting for an oppurtunity to release your pent up bladder and to be denied relief over and over again. 

 

God, I was becoming fascinated, my thoughts became rock hard as I put off the pancakes to appreciate the three girls that were putting on a show. Felicity burrowed herself down, pushing on her nether regions with strength, her pale face beginning to appear beet red. Darlene hadn't relieved her swollen bladder for a long time, and it showed from her pained face, crossed legs, and dancing hips. And then there was Hanna, who stood with her head against the wall, feeling the pain of standing in the same spot for nearly 15 minutes without the door opening. Part of me wished I could escort all three girls out of the diner and to the side of the room, and from there I would watch as they undress, Felicity would pull up her sundress and move her white panties to the side as she would unleash a torrent, Darlene would slide down her short shorts and panties, all trickling down with precious (and loud) relief, and Hanna would cautiously roll down her panties as the stream would appear from underneath her now Commando skirt. But that would be weird, much better for just a fantasy. Instead the girls remained in pain, the door remained locked.

 

But then, the next best thing occurred-- because the entrance opened again, and immediately I was sparked again.

 

"Hi y'all, is it two today?" The waitress asked, she legitimately seemed to be in pain at this point.

 

"Oh no... We were just wondering if we could use your facilities?.. Please."

 

"Oh... Well, they're to your right." On instinct, my head swiveled again to spot two women, both which immediately recognized the uncomfortable line in place, and from their uncomfortable stances, would only be contributing.

 

"Ah, shit... There's a line, Jasmine." The one on the left claimed, she was gaudy and alternative, large-chested with dark-brown skin and long braided hair, dressed in flowing blouse and oddly colored pink skirt which loosely covered her upper thigh. Still, she was bursting, obviously, from head-to-toe, with her legs scrunched up, hand pushing down on her urethra, and a pained expression that could already be seen from the other girls. Next to her, a smaller women with lighter-brown skin, petite frame and short brown hair, she was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, tom-boyish in nature, and her straight posture carried more of the same. I could have mistaken her for a man if it wasn't for the perky breasts that poked through her yellow v-neck shirt, and the she was pushing on her vagina as well.

 

"There's nowhere else we can go." Immediately, Jasmine and the other women hurried to the line, only increasing the worry of the desperate Felicity, who didn't want to expose her desperation, and remained sitting. I looked to her with a startling worry, and she turned back to me with pain drenching her face, and nearly a tear in her eye. Putting her mind off of it, she finished up her pancakes. It was crazy that the food was done, and for all 20 minutes, Hanna had been standing up there, now it was dificult to spot her in the crevice, with Darlene leaning on the wall, and the two women taking spots as well. Sometimes I would see the head of Hanna, she looked bewildered, completely enamored with her desperation, near the point of crying out.

 

"Erica..." Jasmine spoke, unbuttoning her jeans to relieve the pressure on her expanding bladder, "this is really bad, I'm about to explode."

 

"Me too, honey... Me too." Erica said with sympathy.

 

"We all are." Darlene introduced herself to the two women. "But I've been here for ten minutes, and this girl--" Darlene pointed to Hanna, who tried the men's bathroom for the 20th time and found no success, "she's been here for twenty."

 

"Twenty!" Erica reacted with shock. "Is there a dead body in the toilets or something!?"

 

"We've talked to her, she just won't open the door." Hanna said with complete frustration.

 

"Why don't we barge in, we haven't peed for a day!" Jasmine contextualized the two's shaking and complete desperation, a day? God, these girls were stronger than I could imagine. "We were supposed to go to an Air B&B, but it got cancelled, so we had to stay in our car for the night and even thought we've been dying for a piss for forever, we just couldn't find a place that had a toilet. Until now."

 

"You haven't gone for 24 hours!?" Darlene was amazed, as she was at wits end with only a measly 20 hours to her name.

 

"Something like that-- and--- Oh!!!" Erica moaned, causing a chain response for all the girls to moan. All four girls were dying, and their desperation just couldn't end. Hanna now knelt down next to the bathroom, a few spurts stained the bottom of her light-blue jean skirt, but it was nothing to Darlene, who remained in complete tension and still had a dark spot on her short shorts. Jasmine continued to push down, tears forming in her--

 

"Bes."

 

And then there was Erica, who pulled on her miniskirt and--

 

"Bes!"

 

My attention was halted, as suddenly someone was calling for me. It was Felicity, who in the madness I forgot was waging her own war. I looked at her with worry.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Could you uh---" Awkwardly, she chose words. "Could you help me outside?"

 

"H...Help?" She looked to me with complete agony on her face, and I knew what she meant. I stood up from my meal, and as Mark watched, I helped up Felicity as well. She was really hurting, her face still red, with her hand carefully placed over her crotch, everything swelled and full, but despite it not a single drop on her chair-- she forced herself to hold it, and when she couldn't, she came to me. Holding her hand, I helped the bursting girl out of the diner, not even gaining attention from the other girls, they were already occupied with their own problems. 

 

"What do you want to do?"

 

"I don't know-- Just---- Just take me---" Felicity couldn't complete a sentence as I pulled her out. I pushed on the door and allowed her to leave the sight lines. Throughout all of this she hopped along, bursting at every corner, with every step being a careful balance not to lose control of the overflowed load inside of her. I was not aroused, though, I was worried, and with worry I made sure that she reached the side of the building, just as a large humming sound came from the highway. Felicity still looked around, she was bursting, but she could tell that given the correct angle, a passerby could see her, carefully she moved on, pushing down on the abused cloth that made her sundress.

 

"I promise I won't look." I told her as I let go of her hand, she was at the side of the building, nearing the back as I let her by herself. Alone, Felicity danced, a full-on potty dance as if she was a child, looking around to see if it was finally appropriate for her to pull down her panties and unleash the built up storm. I want nothing more to watch, but I promised that I wouldn't, so with pain I turned away. Still I could hear Felicity pull down her panties and moan, and---

 

It was silent, without any sounds of spashes or moans of relief. After 15 seconds of silence, I was confused.

 

"Is everything alright?"

 

"I.... I can't." She can't?? I thought, thinking of turning around.

 

"What do you mean, you can't."

 

"I.... It's locked, I can't...."

 

Awkardness filled the space between us, as I stood away from her. "Can I turn around?" I asked, wondering what was wrong.

 

"Yeah." I did, and to my surprise there was nothing, no liquid, no piss, but Felicity remained dancing, dying to pee. "I'm just really shy, that's all." She said, blushing. I managed out a smile, could you imagine-- pee shyness for someone so desperate, I couldn't imagine how it felt for Felicity, who was dying, and just couldn't. "I've never been able to pee outside, I just thought since it's so bad that..." She bent over, "I need to wait for a toilet."

 

"Well, that's okay, you'll just wait on line." I said with ignorance, and she smiled at it as if it was a joke.

 

"Yeah, that'll work out good." Felicity pranced back to the diner, still pulling on her sundress, and as the sun began to fade I wished for nothing more to have been able to see the pleasures of Felicity's relief-- but it'll have to wait. Maybe the bathroom was open, whoever was inside is finally out, maybe Hanna can get relief! Either way, I felt the sting of my own bladder, and the peace of the wall. I let go slowly, urinating against the wall, realizing that the strain I felt was nothing compared to those five girls. I smiled at the thought, of how many beautiful bursting bladders had been placed before me as I finished, buttoning my jeans and--

 

"Shit! Shit! Shit!!!"

 

A loud voice came near at a record pace, and I stopped, as because from the corner the figure of Darlene appeared, blue t-shirt and blue shorts that were so short that they drew my into a frenzy, all along with it a stained bottom where spurts of piss had been coming out of the desperate girls troubled urethra. She bounced her legs up and down with fury as she stopped, and looked at me.

 

And I looked at her.

 

And she looked at me.

 

And I looked at her.

 

And she pissed her pants. Her muscles stopped, and she bent forward, with the strained indigo becoming the only color as the liquid surrounded her lower body. She nearly squealed as I watched her lose complete control, eventually as the urine poured out of her body she attempted to pull down her moist shorts, but the stickiness prevented it, and suddenly she was fully drenched. I could only watch in amazement, and she reacted with horror, all turning into a shocked, saddened face-- she had so much pride, and now it was as if she was a little girl.

 

"I----" She struggled to make a word, still pushing down as the stream stopped. I said nothing, in shock as well. "I--- I really needed to pee." It was known. From behind her, her family appeared as she walked off, embarrassed, without saying a word. Her Mother and Father reprimanded her, "Why didn't you go like we told you to!" Her Father yelled, and Darlene's brother teased her relentlessly. Darlene was going to remember this day for the rest of her life, and so would Erica, Jasmine, Felicity, Hanna, all because someone refused to leave the bathroom.

 

The problem was that there were no public bathrooms from here, for 200 miles, either way. You either peed now, or you would wait, and those who came had no choice. It was the End of the Line. If you didn't pee here, you wouldn't pee anywhere.

 

Carefully, I walked out of the side of the building, through a window I saw Mark and Felicity, both waiting for this nightmare to end. Felicity's hands were tied, and her head was on the table. I also saw the line, now three girls, waiting with urine coming through their eyes. But it was then that I saw something else, something that made it only crazier. In the front of the diner, a school bus-- a school trip-- and unless my eyes deceived me, many girls that weren't peeing anywhere else.

 

END OF PART 1

 

 

 

This story is really amazing, thank you!

It is so exciding for me when Girls need to pee and can not go for Hours. It is total arousing for me to know that a Girl did not or could not wee for 20 0r 24 Hours and still has to hold it, to think how full, how overfilled her Bladder and how strong her Urge must be, is more than arousing for me.  For me can a  Girl  never hold it long enough. Sorry, but i love that! 

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  • 2 months later...
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  • 1 year later...

Fuck it, I'm back.

 

 

Chapter 5: Sunk-Cost Fallacy

 

*knock knock*

 

*knock knock*

 

Night lights and a dark, clear sky pushed through the windows. We had been here far too long. Mark had reminded us of potentially staying at the dingy hotel at the bend, halting our expected stop due to the night sky. Mostly, he played on his phone, not interested in the chaos surrounding him. The only times Mark would look up would be to note his impatience, usually to two much more impatient girls.

 

*knock knock*

 

“Hey Beth…. It’s Mr. Towns. Listen, I’m sorry about what happened and I promise I won’t fail you-- I went too far, obviously. Look-- There are girls who…”

 

“Go Away!” Beth screamed through the door, echoed signs also permeating through. Nearly the entire restaurant gave a moan, including many shuffling of feet and a few hunched backs. It had been five minutes since Beth, who had exploded in front of all us, had sprinted into the toilets, locking the door and refusing to leave. This moment was a nearly expected moment in the never-ending torture, at least to Hanna and Felicity, who had been here the longest. Hanna was the only person in line before being surrounded and then convinced to give rights to the students. If Hanna had stayed in front, she could have relieved herself and left everyone else to the wolves, but instead she was now one of seven girls waiting with no end in sight.

 

“Beth. It’s Candice.” Candice stood willingly at the door, her legs slightly bent inward but without any form of panic, she also spoke in a calm voice compared to her outrage. “I just wanted to say that no one blames you for what happens, and we’re not going to make fun of you…”

 

“Christine will.” Fair, I thought. The bully found herself isolated at a corner of the diner, sometimes peaking at the large puddle she helped create. Christine was obviously desperate, pulling at the edges of her jean skirt and rolling her ankle in a clock-like motion. Her secluded form must have represented the public consensus at that point, she was to blame for all of this (if you don’t factor in the selfish actions of Beth). The question becomes whether or not it is fair to call on some form of public humiliation for Christine as well, a form of “eye for an eye”, but no blindness, only wet floors. Candice looked over to the bully with this thought in mind, a glancing side-eye before returning to the cursed door.

 

“You stay in there much longer, none of us will have any right to tease… Trust me. Kay, Pritha, Christine…. Me…. We’re all bursting.”

 

“You’re being very unfair, Beth!” Pritha nearly yelled, bouncing up and down near the door. The Indian girl was easily the smallest and seemingly the most desperate, unable to be settled for even a second. Who knew if Beth was catching the deluge of pleas from behind the heavy door, it certainly came across to me like they were talking to a door.

 

(note: Approximately two years elapsed between writing that last word and the next word, I graduated, got a job, moved to a new city etc etc etc. Apologies if I miss a few details).


 

“Why is this happening?” A defeated grumble appeared at my side. Moving away from the chaos at the door, I turned to Felicity. She was sitting jagged on the diner seat,her head collapsed on the plasticine table, a few inches from an unfinished pie. Knowing her desperation and current position I was sure there would be a puddle under her, but there was nothing, she remained still, her voice echoing off the red plastic.

 

“We should leave.” I chimed in. “Honestly it’s probably like a few minutes to a hotel, and they’ll definitely have a bathroom there--- I mean, even if they don’t, just to get out of this hellhole.”

 

“If I move I’m going to piss myself.” Felicity said far too casually.

 

“Then piss yourself. What does it matter?” I idiotically spoke. Even facing down I could sense Felicity’s side-eye. I mean… They were doing all of this to themselves. I pondered to myself watching all these desperate faces in front of me. Surely they could all climb to a corner of the room, squat over a cup and we wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again. I watched Hannah stand at the side of the bathroom, any thought of her placement had been overridden by this Beth nonsense. My eyes also turned to a table, Erica sat there, at the tail end of crying, still being cared for by Jasmine, she tip-toed bent over, shuffling her feet together, attempting empathy.

 

It had also come to mind that the diner was appearing worse for wear as the miserable time persisted. Around the bathroom and the Huntington table large puddles had come from Erica and Beth, the stench was noticeable as well. Hanna, poor thing, was nearly folded attempting to hold herself while avoiding the creeping puddle from someone with less strength. What a mortifying experience, it was too bad that I was so horned up from it all that I couldn’t even begin to have empathy, secretly I wanted this to last forever.

 

It was the sunk-cost fallacy, after all. The only reason all these girls committed was because they had spent so long committing. My eyes wandered to Kay, she was leaned directly over the door, hunched over, her legs blazing with bends and contortions. She had been so close to relieving herself and now she was a mess, still relying on a door that will probably never open. 

 

“Hell of a night, huh?” A voice caught me by surprise. Kindly, with a hint of a small-town mid-western accent, same as the waitress. I turned around my shoulder to spot a girl, one of the two girls that were seated on the other side of the diner, the other side of the show. She was surely a small town girl, with a thin tank-top, denim short shorts and a hint of a farmers tan on olive-white skin.

 

“I dunno?: Dumbfounded, I replied. She had taken some distance from me, and I scooted my cheap chair back a few feet to talk to her. Looking ahead I could see Felicity glance over too at the girl. “Is this common?” The girl chuckled.

 

“Some nights.” The girl was a few years younger than me, postured and steady, and yet her tanktop did a poor job of hiding her enlarged bladder as well, even if her face did not show up. Good God, what was going on tonight

 

“Are you from around here?”

 

“Yep. Down the street. Just came here for a bite, didn’t expect such a mess.” She watched the whole scene unfolding with the same curious eye as I was. Nothing had changed, albeit poor Hanna, who was nearly hyperventilating, trapped in the corner of the hallway, away from the commotion. “My sister is dying for a piss. I’m alright, though.” I caught a glimpse of her sister from across the hallway, taller and younger, her posture matched the description.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

“Layla.”

 

“I’m Bes. We were driving through…”

 

“I figured.” I nodded back, we probably came across as city folk. I prepared for some lengthy chat as the madness ensued, details about our extremely different lives, coalescing together into some beautiful unity. But we were distracted, a shriek broke out through the mad dashes at the door. Layla and I turned our head, the charter school girls had nearly dog piled together, calling out to Beth, including Mr. Towns, who looked as if his head were to burst. But the one voice broke forth, it was Kay.

 

“I’m so sorry!! I’m so sorry!! I’m So Sorrrrrr----” The apologies morphed into a yelp, the tomboy backed up to the door as the other desperate girls and Mr. Towns broke away. Kay bent over, pissing herself. Her baggy jeans soaked with such tenacity, she must have been simply overfilled. A panic had overwhelmed the desperate girls from this display, spreading across the room. “BETH YOU BITCH!!!” Kay screamed into the door, slamming her arms into the steel, tears in her eyes. “I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!”

 

Unsurprisingly, as Layla and I watched with horror, a chain began. Next up with Pritha, the small Indian girl had been shaking voraciously ever since she entered the diner, and now the final straw had reached the camel's back. She ran away from the crowd, turning her back from the crowd and reaching the middle of the diner. She squatted and pissed through her panties, raising up her mini-skirt in the process. The dam was broken, and followed suit was Jasmine, the uppity woman who had held so well just couldn’t dance no longer, and without making much of a scene, had her colored pants turn to a darker shade.

 

In 45 seconds, three women pissed themselves, and the remaining holders had somehow managed to watch in horror. Hanna was still backed into a corner, tears in her eyes, I had no clue how she was managing (she must’ve been in line now for 45 minutes to an hour). There was also Felicity, drenched in sweat, almost unable to move. Of the Huntington girls two remained, Candice, who remained composed near the door, now empathizing with a distraught Kay. There was also Christine, the bully didn’t find herself near the door, she had perched amongst one of the diner walls, nearly crouched over in a fetal position, at her weakest (she was definitely the next to explode). Layla and her sister both seemed to be in some trouble as well, even if Layla refused to show it. And then there was the waitress, who just seemed to be watching this catastrophe. Seven remained in the fight, even if just barely.

 

A hushed silence fell over the diner. Erica and Jasmine, both who didn’t make it quietly sneaked out of the diner. Kay returned to her seat, still crying, comforted by Pritha (who seemed more relieved than anything). The diner now reeked of urine, and I continued to wonder why we still held on. If anyone seemed elated it was Hanna, the log jam was mostly broken, and as the desperate girls began to dwindle, maybe she could finally sneak in. As she watched, Mr. Towns approached the door. “Beth….” The rude teacher finally had a defeated tone in his voice, what a nightmare the last few minutes had been. “Half the girls have… had accidents. No one is going to make fun of you.” Nothing.

 

“Well.” Mr. Towns spoke through the door. “We’re leaving then.” He turned to all the girls. “Let’s get out of here.” Confused remarks broke through the mostly relieved girls now. Candice, who despite her own desperation hadn’t given a single moment of weakness held a full-eye, but it was Christine who faced rang with horror.

 

“WHAT!? I HAVEN’T GONE YET!!!” Christine stood up viciously from her fetal position before needing to adjust into a crooked shape, pushing down on her jean skirt. 

 

“You can wait with Candice, okay?” Candice gave a wry smile, Mr. Towns basically submitted, and now was doling out some form of karmic justice.

 

“WHAT!!?? NO!! I’M… I’m about to explode!” She whined with tears in her eyes. I believed it though, throughout all the teasing and bullying, she seemed to teeter. There was a sense of fragility now though. She wavered between commanding and forceful and submissive, whatever her aching body would allow her to do.

 

“Piss yourself too.” One of the other girls suggested, causing a slight giggle between the table.

 

“NO!!!” Candice shrieked. “Unlike all of you I have…. Oh god… I have decency! I will wait until Beth leaves and…. Oh…” She moaned as she made her propositions. I pondered how Christine was feeling at this current moment. It had probably been a disaster on whatever trip these girls were on, long day full of busywork and learning and bullshit, maybe at the start the lack of bathrooms had been a gentle note. Christine, laced around the other girls, would note and mock the crescendoing whining and complaining, ignoring her own lump inside of her. As the day progressed, and girls became desperate, she was part of the pact, but lacked the empathy to put herself in their shoes. Even now, as everything reached critical mass, she refused to be in equal footing with the girls.

 

It was Mr. Towns' fault at the end of the day, though, his staunch rules put the girls in this position, and is why they all suffered. They could have gone at the side of the road, or in a field, or the side of the building. Candice, who still stood at the door, without any real pain on her face, seemed to agree, she stared daggers into the defeated teacher, who had properly ruined this whole thing. 

 

“When Beth exits the bathroom, we all leave.” 

 

“No no no.” Christine panics, bent over, digging voraciously into her jean skirt, squirming from side to side. “I NEED to go to the bathroom. I DESERVE to go to the bathroom. I just want to pee, okay?” She began to sob, it was truly testing her soul. “I’ve never felt so full in my life, and this PAIN I cannot…”

 

“SSSSSHUUUUTTTT UPPPP!!!” The loudest scream I ever heard came from across the room. The entire restaurant swiveled our heads to see Hanna, crumpled inward, screaming at the bully. I was taken aback, never in my life had I seen Hanna so mad. “I’VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY, I’M ABOUT TO EXPLODE AND I’VE BEEN HERE MUCH LONGER THAN YOU!!! WHEN THAT DOOR OPENS I’M GOING IN IT, NOT YOU!!!!” The charter school girls turned silent as Hanna huffed. “And then my friend” She pointed to Felicity, who was watching her as well. “

 

“But… but… but…” Christine stifled. “What about me?” There was an immediate silence. For a second, Christine had no attention given to her, she leaned back, brought her knees together and unleashed a torrent down on the ground. The other girls watched as piss rolled down her thigh sprinkling down, forming a puddle underneath her. The bully sobbed along with it, almost piercing cries throughout, drowning her now-ruined expensive sandals. Some of the girls mocked her, some empathized, but they all watched as she had her own accident. All before, what may be the most karmic moment of all, Christine creaked with one leg, catching the slick, wet tile floor and crashing back-first in the puddle of her own piss. Everyone laughed at that. Chrstine heaved as she scrambled away, her entire outfit covered in piss, I don’t think I’d ever seen somebody more ashamed.

 

And with that, only one Huntington girl remained needful. Candice, who stood next to the door, talking still to Beth. “Beth, Christine… Christine pissed herself. Is that what you wanted?” A smile broke on the face of Candice, and in moments the sound of a lock being clicked echoed throughout the diner. Hanna’s face lit up as Beth opened the door with a ghoulish smile. The redhead peaked over the edge and caught Christine's eye of Christine, toppled over, covered in piss. It was soon replaced with fear, as Kay, who had had her own accident minutes prior, stood up from the table in her soggy jeans, yelling to the redhead. “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” The tomboy nearly jumped over a table as Beth, with a giggle, escaped to the center of the diner, avoiding puddles of piss she caused and directly out of the front door.

 

“Let’s go, the other girls followed, most embarrassed, some laughing about the tragedy of it all. Candice lagged behind, she gave one glance to the open bathroom but continued to walk, maybe she wasn’t as non-desperate as she made herself out to be.

 

And yeah… right. The bathroom was open. In all of the silly commotion, Hanna, who had been gleaming at the steel door for more than an hour didn’t pry in. Somehow, through all this nonsense, a dingy small-town diner single-stall bathroom was heaven to my friends. Layla gave a knowing look, she was probably waiting too. But she gave way as Hanna finally reached through the doorway. The only shame was that she was going to close that door, and I couldn’t see her finally let go.

 

I imagined her as she was, desperate and dying, she was immediately trying to disassemble her buttoned jean skirts, with far too many buttons for the worth. Maybe her hands would show nerves, bouncing around trying to force the jean skirt off. Maybe she would stop caring, ripping down the sleek denim piece and revealing cotton panties that she rolls down her pale legs. Maybe then she is still brought down by nerves and worries, instead of releasing the boiling load inside of her she instead turns to the toilet paper, ripping off pieces as she likes to do until the dinghy seat would be somewhat clean. Maybe then, throughout all this panic she would sit down, and maybe it would be automatic. She would lay a stream so powerful it could break the porcelain, bringing almost orgasmic relief. It was the best feeling, especially after a long day. Or maybe nothing would come out, and the girl, waiting so long would sit frustrated, her nerves too steel-touched. Maybe, just maybe, everything she would try would not release the spell her body had been put under, and no urine would leave. Maybe she would have to put back on her panties and her jean skirt and walk back, suffering. Or maybe…

 

“Excuse me?” A voice rang beside me, calling overhead, with enough empathy that it even distracted Hanna from her mad dash. I turned, it was the waitress. She had assembled a mopping kit, evidently for the urine that had been let upon the floor, but as of this moment she seemed to be closer to the problem than the solution. She was cross-legged, her aging thighs snapped together in a last-ditch effort. “I’m sorry, I know you’ve all been waiting but…” Hanna stopped, did she have any empathy left?

 

“I’m the only waitress that works at this establishment, and usually I wait all day to care for myself, whenever the room is empty. But today was so busy, and with the bathroom being locked for so long… I know you’ve been waiting so long too, but you’re a young lady, strong. I’m old, I can’t hold it as well as you can. Can I please just cut ahead one last time?” She had a point. Hanna was young, and the waitress surely looked the part of someone who was nearing losing control. But Hanna was so close…

 

“I….” Hanna stuttered, she leaned on the post of the door as the waitress approached. “I… Okay.” Hanna nodded, backing away from the door once again. The waitress entered the throne instead, and Hanna was nearly punching herself. The only reason she was in this mess is that she keeps getting convinced to let other people go in front of her, maybe younger, maybe older, but she was the one dying! She leaned back again, rising knees once again, trying to bend any desperate thoughts out again. Felicity, who had secured the second spot had also found some sort of strength, she stood over the diner table, legs crossed over, inching her way to behind Hanna. Over my shoulder Danielle, the younger sister of Layla, moved over to the disaster side of the diner. She was doing an endless potty dance as Layla attempted to comfort her, ignoring her own dying bladder.

 

But from then on it was simple. The waitress exited and Hanna rushed in, finally getting relief. Felicity followed her, and she managed to find some as well, both my friends flushed with comfort after the miserable experience. Danielle squeezed in after, and got relieved and despite no rush, Layla also pondered into. All said and done, we went our merry way and they went their merry way.

 

The end.

 

Except as the four girls waited in their turns in the end line that refused to end, the bathroom door swung open and back closed. The waitress, watching Hanna in eye shot stood in front of the door, fully relieved. “Thank you dear.” She had a ghoulish smile as well.

 

“Yes, no problem.” Hanna feigned a fake smile as she tried to squeeze past, but was unable to do so. The bathroom door closed behind the waitress, her plasticine smile wearing thin. “Can I please get in?”

 

“I’m sorry dear, but we’re closed.” Hanna, Felicity, Layla and Danielle watched as the waitress pulled out a shining key from her pocket, and placed it within the bathroom doorknob, making another resounding click. Hanna was frozen in shock, almost forgetting her desperate state due to this cruel display.

 

“Why!?” Felicity yelled back at the cruel waitress as she walked off.

 

“Look around you? All of you have made a mess in my diner! Find another bathroom to use!” Danielle panicked as Layla watched along as well, but in front of the bathroom was the real show. Felicity bent over, still endlessly holding and Hanna, stricken, shook the locked doorknob to no avail.  There was nothing they could do, if they were going to find a bathroom to use, it wouldn’t be at the diner tonight. The misery continued, and our group and Layla, Danielle and their father all seized up, walking out of the End Of Line, all four of the girls dying for a piss.

 

“This is bullshit!” Hanna screamed, she had been driven to the edge by the whole affair. “We waited so damn long for that bathroom, she can’t do this to us! I can’t hold it much longer Bes!”

 

“We’ll be fine, we’ll find a hotel and…”

 

“There’s a hotel down the street.” Layla mentioned her father was with Danielle, who truly seemed to be in a bad way. “But if you want a toilet you won’t find one in this town. The reason we were in there is because that’s the only working toilet in town.”

 

“Are you kidding me?” Felicity said. “How do you manage?”

 

“You get used to it. Though I’d be lying if I’m a little worried myself.”

 

“Side of the building is always an option.”

 

“Are you kidding?” Hanna squirmed away with refusal. “We’ve waited so long, I’ll wait for a toilet.”

“No offense, but I doubt you’ll make it to one.” Layla responded, though the fact she wasn’t clamoring to reach the side of the building told a different story. Maybe there was a reason to wait.

 

“It doesn’t matter.” Hanna spoke. She was in her own world at this point. “I’ve waited so long, I just want to find a bathroom and be done with it. So… How do I find a bathroom?”

 

“There’s a town about 30 minutes from here. It ain’t nice or anything, but it actually does have plumbing. You can probably find someplace open.” Hanna’s eyes lightened up again, somehow, someway, sweet relief.

 

“Then that’s what we do. We drive to the next town over and we find a bathroom. Then let’s go guys.” We nodded along, printing towards the car.

 

“What about you guys?” I asked Layla.

 

“Oh, we’ll wait. We’re strong enough. I’ll see y’all in the morning.” Layla backed up and moved towards their families car. What’d she mean by ‘see y’all in the morning’? Thoughts wandered my mind as we walked towards our stationary SUV. We were in somewhat of a rush, to find a toilet in the dead of night in this miserable stretch of small-town America.

 

But as we entered the car, a voice careened from outside of it. I turned my head back one more time, it was familiar and unexpected. In the misty, dark parking lot, a figure stood near the window. It was Candice, she hadn’t gone on the bus. Instead she stood alone in her yoga shorts and t-shirt, watching us go.

 

“Hey!” She yelled, I stepped out of the vehicle, approaching the Charter school girl.

 

“You didn’t leave with your class?” I asked.

 

“Fuck no. And they didn’t even notice I was gone.” She smiled and did a little tipsy, her enlarged bladder pushing out under her t-shirt, forming some midriff. “I was just thinking, if you guys are leaving to find a bathroom-- I’d like to come to. I know I try to hide it, but I could really use one right now.” The four of us looked at each other, noticing the rush but also noticing that if we left, the girl would be all alone. Comfortable enough, I smiled.

 

“Come in!”




 

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Few things...

 

1. I really hate that there isn't an edit button for posts and that I'm going to have to live with the fact that Chapter 5 is bold..... tsk tsk.

 

2. Why it took so long: I'm not going to pretend like this was some sort of opus that took 2 years to write. I had written chapter 4 two years ago, which was a response to me feeling stuck with the concept of the story. The wall remained when I continued into chapter 5, I looked elsewhere for inspiration. For a while I was writing a side-story about Darlene that ran parallel with the story itself. It didn't really find legs, and when I quit that altogether I gave up on this story too. I'm back because I'm stuck inside my house for obvious reasons (future people check post date) and have felt some shame for leading people astray. The story came more naturally this time, though I could tell that the concept didn't have legs to continues. It's mostly people just standing around, y'know. 

 

3. I'm not going to make any promises about continuing with any fair timeline. I started this as a busy college student doing something to pass the time, I'm now a slightly less busy salaried employee who needs to sit behind a computer all day doing practically nothing. It's hard to just want to stare at a computer some more after that. I'm not saying that it will not get done (it'll get done I hope), but that this might not be a story that you should anticipate seeing a new chapter every day/week from. I'm not going to make any formal deadline because that's where I seem to doom myself.

 

4. I've gotten a few messages about commissions. I am fairly busy person so I can't make a job out of it, but I am open to some forms of commissions. For $10 for every 1000 words, I'll right a story that you are interested in after discussions about what I would include in a story (I won't go into too much detail, but basically if it doesn't really come up in my stories often, odds are its something I won't write about, diapers, messing etc.) I don't know if that's an absurd price or a good price, but its what my words are worth. Message me if you're interested, I guess.

Sorry for all these updates, but its been a while.

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