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Just like the "Say Anything" and "Trauma-Rama" features in teen magazines, share your (or others', with their blessings) embarrassing stories here. They don't have to be pee related, not all social screw-ups are, after all.

Here are a few from me...

When I was a teenager, my family was up north, and my uncle and I were screwing off, balancing on poles next to the dock.  I slipped and fell into the water, which was embarrassing enough, but halfway up to the cabin, I felt the worst pain ever between my legs, and swelling, too.  I'd fallen crotch-first on to the pole before hitting the cold lake water, which temporarily numbed me.  My whole family (mom, dad, aunt, uncle) had to look at my swollen, bruised crotch before deciding to take me to the emergency room, and everyone came for that, too, of course.  I felt like a world-class ass.

My friend didn't know he was wiping his ass the "wrong" way until he went to prison.  The first time he took a shit, he stood up, grabbed a cheek in one hand, and began wiping his ass the way he had all his life when his celly said:  "Boy, what the fuck are you doing?  Sit back down on the toilet and wipe your ass!"  Imagine, wiping your ass the wrong way for over 20 years...

When we were kids, my brother was lazy as hell.  He'd even sit down on the closed toilet lid when he brushed his teeth because he was too lazy to stand.  I noticed he didn't even look before he sat, so one day I lifted the lid, but not the seat, before he came in to brush.  He sat down, and got stuck in toilet and toilet seat, knees up to his chest, and I couldn't stop laughing at him.  Got in trouble, too.

I was sitting in history class senior year when I realized I had just gotten a visit from the period fairy.  I finished my test, and asked the teacher if I could be excused, but he said no, because it was during a test.  Since the teacher was an old man, I didn't want to go into details about why I wanted to be excused.  He did excuse me once everyone had finished, though, and out the door I went, already digging in the many pockets of my *khaki* bibs for change.  I had a dime, yipee!  So, I ventured into the nearest girls' room, and wouldn't you know it...empty pad machine.  So, I had to go upstairs to the first floor, and upon arriving in the first floor girls' room, I realized I didn't have a quarter, and even if I had, that machine was also empty.  So, I had to hobble to the office for change, and explain why I needed it, damn nosy Catholic school.  I was labeled a troublemaker, so they kept tabs on me.  At least it was still during class, so the hallways were mercifully empty, no one around to see me shamble up to the second floor girls' room, where I was confronted again by an empty machine.  At that point, I wanted to cry.  I knew I'd probably stained my bibs already, but I had to go up to the third, and final floor.  The last restroom.  Mercifully, the machine dispensed what I needed.  I was a mess, but I didn't want to go home, if I did, coming back in different clothes would require explanation, and if I stayed home, Mom's rule was I had to be home for the rest of the day.  I was actually off work that night, so I already had plans to party my foolish ass off.  So, I had to take off my black hoodie and tie it around my waist, I had nothing on underneath besides a lace-trimmed white wifebeater, a total violation of school dresscode, and it was the middle of winter.  The school wasn't exactly well-heated, either.  Fortunately I had a stroke of luck; just before the class-end bell rang, and I was just about to hit the last flight of stairs back down to history class, I ran into a friend.  He asked me if I was okay, he thought I had a fever because of the wifebeater.  I told him what happened, and he gave me his black hoodie.  So, I spent the rest of the day still looking somewhat like an ass with one black hoodie around my waist, the other hiding my dresscode violation and keeping me warm.  I did go home and change right after school, and my mom asked me why I had two hoodies, and I told her, feeling stupid again.  She chastised me for not being prepared, but was proud of me for staying in school.

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One hot summer day, I went with my then-husband and kids to an indoor/outdoor flea market.  I was wearing a sundress and flip-flops.  I began noticing people giving me dirty looks when I was smoking.  At first I thought maybe there was no smoking in the outdoor section of the flea market, but other people were doing it.  Finally, a lady said, as she walked by:  "You shouldn't do that to your baby".  I stopped, and looked at my shadow, and couldn't believe it.  It was a pregnant woman's shadow!  I was so bloated with water weight that in the billowy sundress, I looked 5-6 months pregnant.  I never wore that dress again, it made me look like the worst mom ever.

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