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The Morning After


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Good morning!

Wow do I hurt this morning, I can barely hold it at all when I need to go and my whole body aches from the effort of holding on for SO long while SO full.

For the last hour of my desperation last night I wanted nothing more than to let go, I had to really push myself to hold on. It felt as though the whole of my body was pushing down to force it out, the desperation was intense and the pain, oh the PAIN! It is physically impossible to tense my pelvic floor this morning as the pain is unreal, it was the same last night, I shook with the effort and felt physically sick but still held on.

My bladder was so tight that when pressing it (gently!) there was no give whatsoever, my skin on my tummy felt stretched and tight and my whole abdomen felt full and bloated. At the height of my desperation my left leg went numb, I can onnly assume that the enormity of my bladder was pressing on a nerve somewhere causing this. The base of my spine hurt, my pubic bone felt as though it would explode and was too painful to even touch, it still is today, my bladder low down there is extremely tender rising to agony if I press it or try to hold my pee.

But the worst pain by miles was down below, putting my hand down there towards the end to stop the flow I could physically feel the enormous weight of the liquid pushing down into my lady parts... Crossing my legs and pressing my hand firmly against it was the only way to gain any relief, the moment I opened my legs the agony was unbearable, as my bladder shifted downwards causing the pressure to rise further as it squashed down, pushing upwards underneath caused a visible bulge to appear in my abdomen just beneath my belly button which got bigger the more I pushed up, and the more I pushed up the better the pain got.

I wanted to pee dance but couldn't, even the act of breathing was a painful necesity, hence why I felt so faint and sick I believe as I tried to keep my breathing shallow to avoid adding to the pressure. I felt frantic, slightly panicked but tried to remain calm throughout, I managed well until the last 30 minutes or so when the pressure intensified and I began to feel my kidneys hurting, I knew I hadn't got long as they also began pushing more and more pee down towards my bladder, I didn't want to cause damage but knew I could manage a little longer.

Everything was tightened and squeezed, legs crossed, doubled over in pain but also to give my bladder more room to grow, to avoid tightening my tummy muscles and crushing it further. I focussed everything on just keeping it in, not allowing room for a drop to escape as I pressed two fingers harder and harder against my pee hole, pinching the skin together to keep it tightly closed. Every time my bladder contracted and contorted I had to try harder to hold it, stopping breathing whiole the contraction passed to avoid extra pressure, pushing myself to squeeze my already exhausted muscles even tighter! Forcing my thighs together from the knee and squatting down a few more inches to raise the upwards pressure in my crotch to keep everything back...

Oh it hurt, it hurt like crazy, I kept my eyes tight shut and my teeth gritted, moaning in agony and pleasure all at once. Knowing, just knowing I was holding something amazing and that I just HAD to keep going to ensure I squeezed in every single last drop, I swayed gently from side to side, lost in tha agony and ecstacy of it all... Gently moving my lower half from one side to another wondering whether there was a secret ml that wasn't filled with fluid that my bladder would find and occupy. Gently and carefully I placed a hand beneath my bulge, supporting it and using my warm hand to calm it, I had to go so, so badly! It was all I could think about, "I can't hold it much longer, it's hurting to push it back" I told my boyfriend, it was pure unadulterated agony now to push againt the pressure of a contraction, white flashes flickered in my eyes and I knew I would pass out soon if the pain didn't subside.

I carefully uncrossed my legs and steadily began to walk around, it helped but not much, every step though careful and slow jolted my bladder as if I was being punched. I stopped to cross my legs as I felt a wave of desperate pressure overcome me, I moaned in pain as I fought to push it back... I remember thinking my bladder was so huge and that this hold would be an amazing one if I could just manage a few more minutes, a few more ml of liquid, my kidneys were hurting, I knew they were trying to push more in and hoped they were succeeding but at the same time I knew I couldn't keep them waiting for long for fear of damage!

I bent double as the biggest wave of desperation sweeps through me, physically taking my breath away and almost making me sick, I swallow back the saliva that fills my mouth and concentrate on holding it, I know that it is almost time, I know I'm making noises that must sound like I am possessed and I know that I physically cannot hold it any longer, pee begins to burst free and snake down my legs. I squeeze tighter and stop it but the pain makes me feel like I will be sick again, or pass out, hard to say which will come first. "I can't hold it!" I gasp, my boyfriend comes running over and moves the bucket, I fight hard to wait just a few minutes more but I can't... I simply can't!

I quickly squat down, into a kneeling position with my lips over the bucket, for a split second it doesn't come, it bursts out hard then stops completely, I panic... The pain is out of this world and I desperately NEED it to stop before I pass out. After what feels like hours but was probably not even seconds I feel a torrent of pee burst out, it keeps coming and coming and coming, oh the pain!! It's a million times worse than ever before as my bladder tightens harder than it ever has, it's not going to allow me to win, it is releasing its load and I cannot stop it, I don't want to stop it, exhausted and in agony I sit and struggle to cope with the pain and pressure, not to mention the exhaustion, I know it won't last forever but at that moment it was all consuming and I sobbed...

My boyfriend came and cuddled me and I remember nothing else, I'm not sure if I passed out or fell asleep but the last thing I remember was him telling me "Well done and never again am I watching you go through that!"

I woke several times in the night, he forced me to drink lots (rightfully so) to flush myself out so I have been back and forth all night, I wet myself around 30 minutes after my hold, wetting the bed in the process and I even had an accident when I just couldn't make it on time, it was a large flood of the carpet let me tell you! It may take me days to get back to some sort of normality, work this afternoon and evening will be fun with such a painful and weak bladder!

Oh yes, the matter of measurement, I bet you're all waiting to see if I managed the three litres aren't you?! Well, you'll be sad to discover that I did not, I genuinely don't think it is possible... The agony and suffering I endured produced a bladder busting 2650 ml, add to that possibly 50-100ml that I lost in the leak and you have a capacity that I am truly proud of, but I really had to suffer to get there! I am confident that I couldn't have held any more whatsoever, even if you stitched me closed I'm confident that it would have burst through the stitches! Or caused kidney failure! I've searched around and I truly believe that my bladder is something special, I would love to be able to see what it does to my internal anatomy when it is so full, as I genuinely think that it absolutely FILLED my entire abdomen... Kind of in the same way the womb does when it is carrying a baby!

I hope you're not too disappointed with my inability to reach 3 litres, when you're out shopping take a look at a two litre bottle, and add another half on to that and ask yourself whether YOU could hold that inside your abdomen for 10 hours... I am truly proud of myself! But as my boyfriend said, never again!

Note: Apologies in advance for any spelling mistakes, I will correct these later, having to stop every few minutes to pop to the loo has made this take way longer than anticipated and I am running a little late for work.

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I'm so proud of you Burstin', an amazing hold.
I filled a balloon up with 2650 and it's absolutely HUGE! It also weighs a ton, how that remained (and fitted) inside your body is an achievement in itself - but quite rightly, never again - please, for your body's sake.
Incidentally, I have a recording of a woman who was in such pain trying to pee, it must've been like that for you? Finally letting go and finding that it hurts so bad it makes you gasp and almost cry that you have to stop it?

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