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Day 5: Drunk and Desperate (Breath of the Wild)


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In the heart of Hyrule’s most barren desert, there lay the oasis of Gerudo Town. Exclusive to women (vai, in Gerudo tongue), the city was famed for many things: its beautiful jewelry, first-class shopping, and the strong and proud Gerudo warriors, to name a few. It was also known for the popular bar The Noble Canteen, where a Gerudo named Deltan currently sat, nursing her sorrows.

 

“‘I don’t like girls twice my height,’” she groaned, slurring her words. “But I’m only eight feet tall!” She downed the rest of her drink and called over to Furosa, the bartender. “Hey! Bring me another!”

“I think you’ve had quite enough, young lady,” Furosa replied.

“N-nonshense!” Deltan protested. “I’ve only had… uh, I forget how many.”

“Look, it’s getting dark,” Furosa said with a sigh. “I have to close up shop.”

Reluctantly, Deltan got to her feet, tossed some coins onto the bar, and staggered out the door.

“I’ll be buh-back tomorrow,” she proclaimed.

“I don’t doubt that,” Furosa muttered, watching the drunken Gerudo leave.

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In the outskirts of the city, a lone figure paced back and forth. It stopped briefly and adjusted the veil over its face. Link, the hero of Hyrule, had been in worse predicaments, but never one this odd. As if having to cross-dress to enter Gerudo City wasn’t enough, he was now faced with a new dilemma: how to relieve himself without blowing his cover. He had been searching for Korok seeds at sunset when he felt a sudden urge in his bladder. All the liquid-filled hydromelons he had consumed to keep cool were coming back to haunt him.

 

Normally, Link would have just found an out-of-the-way shrub or tree. However, his need was so urgent this time that he doubted he would make it far from the city. And while he wasn’t technically inside the walls, the Gerudo guards were on duty all day and night. If one of them saw him peeing while standing, it would raise some questions at the very least. 

 

Another surge, stronger this time, hit him, and Link realized he had no choice. Looking around for anyone who might be watching, he ran up to one of the outer walls for some cover. He pulled down the front of his sirwal just enough to let his penis out and relaxed his bladder. A steady stream of urine flowed out, striking the wall and running down to the ground, where it was swallowed by the desert sand. Link sighed in relief. Then he heard footsteps approaching…

-------------------------------

Deltan tried to make her way home, but it wasn’t easy. Everything seemed to be spinning, and it was really starting to get dark now. Walking near the edge of the city limits, she started to feel the other effects of all the alcohol she had consumed. Furosa experimentally put a hand on her midsection and was surprised at the size of the bulge she felt.

“Oooh.. so full,” she mumbled. “Gotta… gotta.. pssshhh…”

Deltan hissed out the onomatopoeia and felt a few drops of urine trickle down her legs, urged on by the sound.

 

“Gotta… do it now!” Deltan moaned. As fast as she could, she staggered out a gateway to the city’s outer walls. Even though she was drunk, she still had the presence of mind to not want to be seen doing something like this. Furosa found a wall that looked isolated enough and dropped her pants to her ankles. It was only then that she noticed a tinkling noise coming from her right. She turned and saw something that she had missed in the darkness, something unusual: a Hylian dressed in Gerudo garb, standing and urinating against the wall.

------------------------------------

Link’s heart began to race as the Gerudo woman approached him and disrobed. He turned away and tried to finish his business quickly, but his stream was showing no signs of slowing down.

“Hey!”

Link began to panic. If the Gerudo recognized him as a man, he’d never be let back in the city.

“Hey!” the Gerudo called again. “Yesh, you!”

This is it, Link thought. I’m done for.

“Hey! Lishen!” the Gerudo slurred. Link braced himself for the worst.

“Hey, w-where’d you learn to pish like a Gerudo?”

Huh? A look of confusion clouded Link’s face. What is she talking about?

-----------------------------------------------------

Seeing the confusion on the Hylian vai’s face, Deltan decided that a demonstration was in order.

“Yuh-you know, like this!”Deltan took two fingers and spread her labia like the wings of a Keese. She allowed her bladder to let go, and a thick stream gushed from between her legs at an almost horizontal angle. It easily put the Hylian’s trickle to shame, sending droplets flying as it showered the wall in a chaotic spray. Deltan took a few steps backwards to avoid the backsplash and admire the success of her efforts. All Gerudo warriors were taught to relieve themselves standing up; it was much more convenient than squatting. Still, Furosa doubted many could achieve the distance or power she was currently getting. She laughed as her veritable waterfall of pee continued to soak the stone.

“Shee this, Hylian? This is how we Guh-Gerudo do it!”

 

After an eternity, Deltan’s bladder was finally empty. She pulled her pants back up and noted with pride that the sand was barely absorbing any of her puddle. 

“Whadya think of that?” she asked, turning towards the smaller vai, who had finished peeing much earlier. The Hylian was bug-eyed. She stared unblinkingly at Deltan for a moment before dashing off, hands covering her groin.

“Wha whuzzat all about?” Deltan wondered aloud. She shrugged. “Hylians, huh?”

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