Sign in to follow this  
  • entry
    1
  • comments
    2
  • views
    102

The story

Sign in to follow this  

335 views

Authors note: I don't know how to make it outside of a blog, if anyone knows about it, please let me know.

 

Nick Jax, an ordinary man who worked in a marketing office, of which he worked in a small team of 6. The team had to figure out how to provide people with "above average" service. While some people just stuck with the "Play it cool" act, Ariel, one co-worker decided to take it to another level.

She sometimes did "special things" while she was alone with the clients. Since the clients were stressed enough, seeing a young, beautiful girl in her, ahem, birthday suit, was a relief and sometimes they enjoyed themselves. This improved longevity of the clients stay, and often said that she was great towards customers. Nobody really payed attention to her.. Lewdness, so everything was all fine.

One day though, Nick had to stay overtime, but Ariel had the impression that she was totally alone. Not only that, she was attending to a top paying client! So, there was some.. Special services. Nick started to return to his cubicle, until he heard something like.. Moaning..

"Mister Dongelle! More! Give me more of you!"

Nick, of curiousity, looked out of his cubicle, out of curiousity, and started to see that he has had basically nobody who paid over 6k, while Ariel suprisingly got someone who has paid about 10 times, even greater.

Then, at his anniversary, he was celebrated for his long work and dedication.

"To Jax, who has stuck with us since the very beginning. A toast for him, but.."

But?

"A big toast to Ariel, for raising everyone 100 thousand dollars to get this party started!"

"Cheers!" Said everyone.. But one man.

Nick was apauled. Ariel just took the spotlight that he was supposed to have, he was the very few people who decided to stick with the business.. Looking at her new.. Drink.. He had the perfect idea..

 

To be continued..

Sign in to follow this  


2 Comments


Recommended Comments

This is a great start! However, I'd like to point out some things with your writing so that readers can better understand your story. When I first read the beginning, I had a hard time trying to figure out what job they had. A marketing team's job is to create commercials, research where to sell their product to get the most profits, and what price to set the product as. I don't work in marketing, but I'm not sure if workers go to clients. I think they would be better labeled as salespeople. Another thing; I might just be braindead, but what does a birthday suit have to do with office people? It made me envision Ariel as a clown :P. I'd also like to mention the weird time skip. Alex goes from peeking at Ariel's activities, to being in what I assume a meeting, or a party. A sentence that describes time, like "A few days later, Alex slipped into his company meeting/party," would be very helpful in distinguishing setting. Hopefully this helped! Can't wait to see the next part >:)

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.