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Don't Get Wet, Use the Toilet! (Splatoon 2)

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(Note: Contains underaged wetting desperation… probably. Also contains my interpretation of their off-stage personalities since that’s never shown in the official game.)

 

Inkopolis Square, the most happening part of the city, was buzzing with activity today. Inklings, the squid and kid hybrids that made up much of the city’s population, bustled about in numbers greater than usual, and for good reason. Today was the day of the Splatfest, the city’s most popular event, where inklings would pick sides and compete in turf wars to win prizes and bragging rights for their team.

But first, they would need to know what these sides were, and they would soon get their answer. The big screen hanging on the Deca Tower flicked on, and a snazzy logo soon gave way to two hosts in front of a large ground floor window and another TV screen.

“Y’all know what time it is!” said Pearl the inkling, who lounged in a comfy chair.

“It’s Off the Hook, coming at you live from Inkopolis Square!” said Marina the octoling, standing behind a DJ turntable.

“I hope none of you forgot what day it is today!”

Marina giggled. “How could anyone forget? It’s Splatfest Day at last!”

“Right on! Speaking of forgetting, how about we remind our viewers what debate tonight’s Splatfest is gonna decide?”

“Good idea! Tonight’s Splatfest is all about…” Marina scratched the turntable in time to the music. The TV behind them then switched to two drawings, one of a coffee pot on the left, and the other of a fancy cup with the string of a tea bag coming out on the right.

“It’s the clash of caffeinated concoctions!” said Pearl, “Are you a fan of the morning joe?”

“Or is a cup of tea more your speed?”

“I still don’t get how you can enjoy that junk.” Pearl pointed at her co-host. “Tea is such a boring drink. Coffee is better in every way!”

“No way! Coffee is gross,” said a pouting Marina. “No matter what you add to it, it always tastes like boiled dirt. But tea is so smooth and comforting, I could drink it all day!”

“Isn’t boiled dirt basically what tea is? Also, you can’t beat coffee for your daily caffeine fix. That’s why they call it the best part of waking up!”

“But then it makes you crash in the middle of the day,” said Marina, “And aren’t you a little young to be drinking that stuff anyway?”

Pearl crossed her arms behind her head. “Pfft, what makes you say that?”

“Well, it’s just that coffee stunts your growth when you’re young, and I don’t think you need that stunted more than it already is.”

“O-Oh yeah!?” Pearl stammered, shaking her head like a toddler throwing a tantrum. “Well, aren’t you a little young to be wearing an outfit like that?”

“W-what’s my outfit have anything to do with this?” Marina put a hand on her top, which was little more than a partially-unzipped leather bra.

“I’m just looking out for you. Wouldn’t want you to spill a hot cup of tea and get third-degree burns all over.”

“I am more than capable of holding a cup, thank you very much!”

Pearl turned back to the camera. “Whatever, we’ll let the viewers decide the better beverage.”

Marina returned to her regular meek smile. “Right, remember to go to the booth and sign up for your team to receive your special Splatfest t-shirt.”

“And don’t worry, fans of the beans.” Pearl threw her arms up in celebration. “As a special for tonight, we’ll have free coffee available to help you get your splat on all night!”

Marina put her hands together. “Same goes to supporters of Team Tea. There’ll be more flavors and varieties than you could shake an inkbrush at!”

“But before we get to enjoy all that, let’s get everyone up to date on the current rotation.”

Marina nodded. “Yup, time to check out the available stages for ranked, unranked, and league play!”

And so, the rest of the show went along normally, with Pearl breaking down each stage and Marina leaving a chirpy but snarky remark as dictated by the teleprompter. Before long, they were already at the closing segment.

“And that’s all the time we’ve got!” said Pearl, hopping out of her seat while Marina moved the turntable aside. “Until next time…”

“Don’t get cooked, stay off the hook!” they both declared as they smiled and struck a pose together.

A few seconds passed before the red light on the camera turned off. “Alright girls, good work this morning!” said their manager from his seat. “Go ahead and take a few minutes to yourselves, then we’ll start prepping for the Splatfest.”

“Thank you, everybody!” said Marina while the camera crew cleared out. Pearl merely shot them a smile and a “rock on” gesture.

As soon as they were alone in the room, their only witnesses the inklings and jellyfish looking in from outside, the girls sat down at a nearby table. Pearl poured herself a cup of coffee from a fresh pot while Marina grabbed a glass of iced tea. “Big night ahead of us,” started Pearl, “This might be our only chance to kick back until tomorrow. You excited?”

“Of course! Splatfests always get my ink pumping like nothing else.” Marina’s cheerful grin lowered to a sheepish smile. “By the way, I know I say this every time, but I hope I wasn’t too mean with some of my lines. Sometimes, I think the teleprompter is trying to make me sound like a… you know.”

“Nah, it’s cool.” Pearl waved it off with a hand. “I couldn’t make it this far in the business if I didn’t know how to take some ribbing.”

Marina stared at her glass for a moment. “I mean, it’s just that you’re the first and best friend I’ve had since I came to Inkopolis, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m being ungrateful.”

Pearl chuckled. “You kidding? I don’t think there’s anything you could do to make me not wanna be your friend.”

“W-wait, you really mean that?” said Marina, a hint of pink appearing on her cheeks.

“For realsies, Marina. You can chillax on that front, okay? Now how about we talk about some of the fashion disasters competing today? I saw one kid wearing a paintball mask, a tank top, and get this, socks with sandals!” Pearl busted out laughing. “It’s like, does that gear have good stats, or did he forget to do his laundry?”

“No way!” said Marina, finding herself giggling as well. She had to admit, Pearl always knew how to cheer her up and put her worries at ease. She took another sip of tea and listened to Pearl go on about fashion-blind inklings and whatnot in contentment. Tonight’s Splatfest was gonna be great; she couldn’t think of anything that could possibly spoil it.

 


 

Ohh, I drank too much tea.

Night had come, and the Splatfest was in full swing. As always, Marina enjoyed a great view of the festivities from the stage atop the Deca Tower lobby. Inklings, jellyfish, and other creatures danced and cheered underneath bright neon lights while fireworks lit up the sky. Pearl danced and rapped in front of her, lost in her own tune, while the octoling worked the turntables to make the freshest beats in all of Inkopolis.

This would all normally bring Marina nothing but pleasant feelings and memories, the kind that make her feel tingly all over for days afterwards. Right now, however, all she could think about was the large quantity of tea she had drunk over the course of the day. As much as she liked tea, she had forgotten about its pesky diuretic properties in lieu of focusing on the Splatfest. As such, even though she had made sure to use the bathroom before going on stage, her bladder was already demanding to be emptied a mere couple hours later.

Marina quietly thanked the fact that the current song was more focused on Pearl than her. With most of the attention on her friend, she could squeeze her legs and bounce in place to ease the strain, if only just a little. Still, she doubted she could last much longer at her current pace, especially if they played any tunes that required her to do some dancing.

Speaking of, Marina had kept a close eye on Pearl as a way to distract herself from the constant pressure, and she had noticed something off about her friend. Sure, she was dancing and rapping to keep the crowd energized, but her movements seemed a little stiffer than normal, and her voice had hints of being forced.

Don’t tell me she needs to pee, too? Marina wondered. She couldn’t think of any other explanation, as Pearl didn’t seem ill before the show started. Then again, all that coffee may just be making her too jittery to perform at her best. She would have to check up on her as soon as they could get off the stage.

And as luck would have it, a few seconds after Pearl landed the big finish for the tune, the girls heard their manager speaking through their earpieces. “Alright ladies, there’s another televised match comin’ up. Come on down and take a few minutes to yourself.”

Nodding together, Pearl waved to the audience and yelled “Okay, kids and squids! We’ll be back in a few, so keep this party going until then!” Meanwhile, Marina put the turntables on standby and shot one last smile to the audience before they departed.

The moment they were offstage and out of view, Pearl dropped her grin. “Ugh, I was starting to think we'd never get a break tonight.”

“Me too!” Marina glanced at her friend. “Um, are you feeling alright?”

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” asked Pearl, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, you seemed a little... stiff out there.”

“What do you mean ‘stiff’? I'm as fresh as ever!” Pearl raised her arms in a pose.

A moment passed while the two stared at each other, but then Pearl suddenly gasped and brought her arms down and her legs together.

“That doesn’t look very fresh to me,” said Marina.

“Okay, so I gotta whiz pretty bad,” replied a fidgeting Pearl, “I don’t know how I made it through those last couple tunes.” Her eyes lowered into a glare. “If you’re gonna snark about it, can you make it quick?”

“No no, I wasn’t gonna do that!” Marina waved her hands. “Actually, I really gotta go, too.”

“Wait, seriously?”

Marina nodded and put her hands to her groin. “All that tea went through me like a shot from a charger. I even went before we started and everything.”

“Then why are we standing here complaining about it?” Pearl turned in the direction of the studio and took off. “Last one to the bathroom is a rotten salmonid egg!”

“Hey, no fair!” the octoling yelled back while she ran after her. In truth, she wasn’t too happy about the impromptu race as it would tire her out, but at least this way, it would get her to the toilets that much quicker. She allowed herself to smile knowing that relief was only a few moments away.

 


 

“What do you mean the toilets are broken!?”

Pearl glared and tapped her foot at the jellyfish repairman standing next to the restrooms, the door closed and a big “Do not enter” sign in front of it.

“Bluh, apology for the inconveniencing,” said Jelonzo, “Pipe has busting all over floor. Entire plumbing being shut down in order to make the fixing. Please to understand.”

“You should understand there’s gonna be a lot more liquid on the floor if you don’t let us in there!” Pearl’s brow furrowed so much, Marina worried that it would be permanently stuck that way.

“Very not advised, miss kid-squid,” said Jelonzo, putting up two of his tentacles. “Commode is having no water to flush. Also bad smell, I am told. Am very happy jellyfish not have nose right now.”

“Urgh, you have to be squidding me! I just used them before the Splatfest!”

Seeing that this was going nowhere fast, Marina put her hand on Pearl’s shoulder, leaving the other one near her groin. “Hey, forget about it. Let’s just go use the porta-potties outside. I know they always set some up for Splatfests near the square.”

Pearl turned to her while still frowning. “But we’re super-popular celebrities, Marina. The instant we go outside, we’ll get stampeded with autographs and selfie requests. Not that I mind that normally, but we’d never get close to the toilets.”

“I know, but we don’t have any other choice.” Marina rested a finger on her chin. “If only there was a way to hide while we waited in line.”

Pearl wiggled her hips side to side. “Well, we better come up with something fast. I’d rather we didn’t have to make a wardrobe change in the middle of a concert.”

“Wait, that’s it!” Marina exclaimed, her eyes lit up.

“What is it?” asked Pearl. “Please don’t suggest we actually wet ourselves and change clothes.”

“No, our wardrobe department! They have all kinds of costumes. There’s gotta be something we can disguise ourselves with in there.”

Pearl gasped in realization. “Holy carp, you’re right! Why didn’t I think of that?”

“The staff might still be in there organizing for the next show,” said Marina, turning in the direction of the department. “Come on, before we have to get back on stage!”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” said Pearl as they ran off, leaving Jelonzo alone in the hallway. He rubbed the back of his head and sighed.

“I wondering if Jelfonzo maybe having room for other fish of jelly at shop.”

 


 

“How’s the coast?” asked Pearl.

Marina glanced around the corner of the square. Inklings continued to party and dance about to the music despite the stars not currently performing.

“It’s busy, but everyone’s distracted. I think if we keep our heads down, we can reach the toilets,” she replied.

“Then let’s move! My ink tank is ready to blow.”

As quickly and inconspicuously as they could, the duo walked into the square, revealing their “disguises,” as they could generously be called. Marina had put on sunglasses and a bandanna around her mouth, while Pearl hid her face behind a paintball mask. Aside from this, their outfits were completely unchanged, partly because they didn’t have time to change into and out of full disguises and still get back on stage, but mostly because they didn’t want to hassle with them inside the porta-potties.

Even more suspicious was the stiff way they walked, the urge to pee having grown too strong to let them walk normally. Instead, their upper legs rubbed together and at least one hand remained on their groin at all times.

But whether nobody looked in their direction or their disguises actually worked, they soon crossed the entire square without drawing any attention. Despite their bladders weighing them down, both girls allowed themselves to smile from their success.

“Wait, that actually worked? Noice!” said Pearl while they walked.

“I told you we’d be fine,” said Marina. “And look, the bathrooms are just around this corner.” She pointed at a sign set up by the committee with an arrow and the restroom symbols.

Pearl immediately broke into a jog upon hearing this, rounding the corner. “Oh man, I can't wait to get in there, sit on that throne, and… what the shell!?”

“What’s wrong?” Marina quickly caught up to her, but she didn't have to finish turning the corner to see the problem. “Oh no…”

Lines. Long ones, at least fifteen inklings if not more in front of every toilet. Worse still, many of them, boys and girls alike, had varying combinations of crossed legs, hands on their groins, slight forward bend, and hopping in place. It seemed that the singers were not the only ones who had been affected by all the coffee and tea, and the committee in charge of preparing the square did not anticipate this.

“W-what are we supposed to do now?” asked Pearl.

“I… don’t know,” was all Marina could say. What could they do? These were the only open bathrooms she knew were nearby, but there was no way they would have enough time or strength to stand in line for that long. With how desperate everyone else looked, she doubted they could use their celebrity status to cut in line, not to mention all the other problems attempting that could make. For the first time that night, Marina found herself at a complete loss of ideas.

As she wondered while shaking her hips, both singers soon took notice of one of the girls standing in line, whose fidgeting had suddenly grown more frantic. She bounced from one foot to the other, both hands firmly pressed into her shorts while frantically looking around in panic. Then, just as quickly, she stood completely still, then slowly fell onto her knees and bottom. A puddle pooled around her and tears ran down her cheeks while a boy standing behind her put his hand on her shoulder and tried saying comforting words to her.

Perhaps out of a subconscious sympathy or from added visual stimuli, the sight of someone letting go sent a signal to the duo’s bladders, and they soon felt a warm dribble hit their underwear. “Eep!” they both squeaked, instantly joining the rest of the crowd in their collective potty dance. Whatever speed their minds were racing at before doubled in a heartbeat.

“Aah, I can’t take this anymore!” declared Pearl. She turned and ran off down a side street, hands firmly on her groin.

“Pearl, wait up!” Marina yelled as she gave chase, their disguises flying off in the rush.

The chase went on for a couple minutes, taking them through several winding streets and side roads. Despite the pounding pain from her bladder and the fatigue of running, Marina refused to let her friend out of sight. Her need to pee may have been powerful, but her concern for Pearl’s well-being was just a little stronger.

“Where are you going!?” she yelled out as they turned onto yet another empty alley.

“I-I don't know, somewhere!” replied Pearl, whose run had deteriorated into a half-jog, half-waddle. “Th-there's gotta be an open bathroom, or a bush, or a dumpster or, or-!”

At that moment, Pearl gasped and her talking and running came to a dead stop, allowing Marina to finally catch up to her. “Pearl?” she asked in a half-whisper once directly behind her.

Pearl responded with only a small whimper. Marina opened her mouth to say something else, but it would not come to be. A bright flash from a firework exploding behind them lit up the dark alley, showing everything she needed to see.

A dark patch had grown on the insides of Pearl’s pink tights, steadily making its way down her legs, some of it leaking through the fabric and dripping away. There was no denying it: Pearl had lost the battle and was now giving her pants and underwear a very unfresh dye job.

Marina could feel nothing but sympathy for her friend. She reached out towards Pearl, wanting to comfort her in some way, any way she could.

“Oohh!” Pearl suddenly moaned and twitched, making Marina retract her hand. The next moment, the octoling picked up a faint hissing noise and the sound of liquid hitting the ground. Pearl had fully surrendered to her bladder’s demands and fully opened the floodgates. The drops coming from between Pearl’s legs turned into a tiny stream dribbling all over the place. Meanwhile, the streaks on her legs grew bigger and farther, reaching all the way into her shoes.

But immediately after witnessing this, Marina let out a gasp herself. The warmth in her shorts grew bigger, and no amount of clenching she could muster would stop it. Exhausted from all the running and pressure battering it, her bladder could no longer hold it all back, letting out a slow but steady leak.

Everything that had transpired up to this point rendered Marina’s mind blank. Things like modesty or her celebrity status no longer mattered to her. She was simply a girl who needed to pee, and she was going to pee now. As such, she beared no mind to their location as she yanked her pants and underwear and proceeded to lower herself to the ground.

But she didn’t even make it that far when her body fully cut loose, releasing a powerful stream of a slightly-tinted oil-like liquid onto the ground. Still only halfway to a squat, her knees bent and bottom angled so the pee splattered slightly behind her, Marina froze in place and allowed nature to run its course right where she stood.

The pleasure was immediate, spreading a relieving tingling sensation from her groin to the rest of her body, and she could not help but smile without shame. She felt a word on her tongue, and let it out in a long sigh, as it was the only one that could perfectly describe her feelings in that moment.

“Woomy.”

Even as her pee went on and on, lasting twenty, then thirty, then forty seconds and beyond, Marina continued to enjoy her potty time. It was only when the stream began to taper off that the reality of her situation came to her. She was a famous singer who had just undressed and peed in a public location, her rear end sticking out the whole time and her puddle growing large enough to reach the back of her shoes. A streak of pink lit up her brown face as she pulled her pants back up, wincing at the extra wetness but thankful that her shorts were black and rather thick.

Just as she was modest again, another whimper from Pearl reminded Marina of her friend’s less fortunate outcome. She brought her attention back to Pearl and saw what she had expected to see: saturated leggings, a sizeable puddle that reached her boots, and her back still turned, not moving a muscle.

“Um, Pearl?” Marina asked.

“What?” Her voice came in a low, blunt tone.

“Do you n-need my help?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? What if I-”

“I said I don’t want it!” Pearl turned around, revealing not just an angry scowl, but eyes full of tears. The sight caused Marina to be taken aback; never before had she seen Pearl so upset.

“W-what?” she slowly mumbled.

“I pissed myself, okay!? I s-s-soaked my pants because I’m a stupid kid who c-can’t hold her coffee!” She kicked at the ground, her gaze avoiding the octoling. “Why should I ask for anyone’s help? You’re the one everyone likes. You can hold it like a big girl.”

Somehow, despite staring into Pearl’s angry and messy face, Marina knew just what to say next. She reached out and took Pearl’s hand into her own.

“Because friends help each other out, just like how you helped me when I didn’t know a thing about life in Inkopolis,” she said with a smile. “I don’t even wanna think about how many embarrassing moments you helped me through. It’s only right that I help you out, too.”

A few seconds passed in silence while they let Marina’s speech sink in. “Friend, huh?” Pearl asked with a sniff. “You sure you still wanna be friends with someone who just wet themselves?”

Marina giggled a bit. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do to make me not want to be your friend.”

At this, Pearl let out a small gasp, her angry complexion having a hint of fading away. Marina couldn’t help herself, and pulled her friend into a hug. Pearl stood in surprise at first, but it only took a few moments before she raised her arms and returned the hug.

“You’re not gonna say a word about this, are you?”

“Not for all the ice cream in the world,” said Marina as she felt the warmth of her friend’s hug spread through her.

“Cake is still better,” grumbled Pearl.

“Of course it is.”

It wasn’t much longer before they let each other go, at which point Marina noticed that Pearl was no longer mad or teary-eyed. She didn’t look very happy at the moment, but at least the worst of it was passed them now.

“Ugh, so what am I gonna do?” Pearl looked at her soaked legs. “There’s no way I’m not gonna be seen if we go back the way we came.”

Marina put a finger to her chin. “Hmm, then I guess we’ll just have to take a side road back to the studio. We can get you cleaned up and changed there.”

“You sure you know where you’re going?”

Marina pulled out an arrow-shaped cell phone. “As long as the maps on here are up to date.”

“Now you’re thinking like an inkling.” Pearl chuckled for the first time since her wetting.

With a smile, Marina turned around. “Alright, now let’s get out of here before somebody finds...” She never finished the sentence, instead choosing to gasp and nearly drop her phone. It didn’t take long for Pearl to see the reason why, either.

Standing at the end of the alley was an inkling girl, the same one the singers had witnessed wetting herself, her eyes and mouth wide open and her body completely still. There was no telling how long she had been there, but between the puddles and Pearl's pants, there was also no hiding what had transpired.

All three girls remained motionless for what seemed like forever, their faces burning with blush. Eventually, Marina slowly raised her hand and waved at the girl. “Um, h-hi?”

The girl’s eyes rolled upwards and she fell to the ground, leaving Pearl and Marina to stare at their fainted fan for a few moments.

“You wanna know something, Marina?”

“What is it?”

“I don’t think we’re gonna make it back on stage in time.”

 

 



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